Why the instinct to survive?

[abaris]

Are you aware there are much worse things people go through in their lives other than those things?! I would HOPE the reason you don't think that way is because you have never been put into a situation where you honestly feel like it is your only choice. I'm GLAD you don't contemplate taking your life... Consider it a good thing, not a 1UP on everyone else.

I'm clinically depressed and I take a whole lot of medication on a daily basis. That's nothing I admit lightly on the internet. But obviously you've run into a wall too.

So the only thing I can recommend is to seek professional help. I certainly don't want to patronize you, but you came here to ask. So I can only tell you, you're not alone in suffering. Medication and therapy have made it managable.