So depressed

[Angrboda]

I have shizoaffective disorder as well. My main problems are depression and delusions. I've been fighting this stuff for nearly 25 years (in the mental health system). It may seem that things are never going to change because change happens slowly over a long period of time, the depression causes irrational thinking that it won't change, and because of the destruction in your life caused by things like manic episodes. It's frustrating, and many days I just want to give up. However, I can't say things haven't changed over those 25 years. Things do change. For most of the 25 years, I was chronically suicidal because my delusions led me to believe that I needed to kill myself. In 2008 I attempted suicide and lost nine fingers to frostbite as a result of the attempt. That sounds tragic, and perhaps it is. But the important news is that I started an anti-psychotic last winter, and the delusional thinking is much improved. I no longer spend my days chronically suicidal, thinking about how to kill myself. So while it's a hard road, it is a road on which things can get better.