Drinking Education

[Jenny A]

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I think the best thing you can also do (without knowing what your relationship is like already) is make sure she understands that if she is confused or has problems with any situation regarding a party or drinking or the dangers (sexual, cops, whatever), that she can talk to you and that you will listen.

I started sneaking out of the house and going to parties with the people I worked with right out of high school, so under age, and I was very, very lucky that I had a boyfriend at the time going around with me and hung out with fairly trustworthy men. My parents didn't want to talk about sex or drugs or alcohol except for a cursory run through of the mechanics and "this can get you pregnant" and "don't do drugs mmmkay?" If I had gotten in trouble, I have no doubt they'd have treated me like a major disappointment.

Worst case scenario is that something - anything - happens to her, be it legal or sexual. Make sure she knows you're going to stand by her and that she can call you about anything, even if it's just for you to wire her money to her credit card to get a cab so she goes home alone and safely because she happened to fuck up that one night. The biggest problem I see when I read stories always seems to be that either very few people support the victim, or the person didn't have a support network around them.

If your girl is intelligent and mature, she'll quickly catch on that most of the people binge drinking or otherwise acting like drunken fools are funny only to themselves and equally plastered people - it may sound funny in a Beevis and Butthead way to hear that so-and-so pissed himself after passing out drunk somewhere, but once you get done laughing at the guy and you imagine yourself in his place...

Finally, you might also add on that the job market is still a tenuous thing, and that you understand that she will be exposed to situations or go out to parties, but she needs to keep in mind that a criminal record is forever and people are looking for just about any reason to cull someone out of the job search. She needs to protect herself from parties being broken up by cops looking for underage drinkers, or responding to noise complaints, etc. Hell, someone could call the cops from inside the party - I was visiting a friend at Radford once and a couple of guys trashed one of the bathrooms in the condo he was living in. Those guys also threatened on of his roommates, and when the cops were called on them, they had been sitting outside of the house in a van giving the roommate even more shit. One stepped out of the vehicle and made to hit the (female) roommate and a mutual friend fell on them like a rabid bear (and by that I mean he was large, drunk, and swinging at them with open hands and splayed fingers). Fortunately the cops figured out who was at fault and none of us were charged, but we were there, and not all of us were of-age, and some of us had been drinking on the street (not allowed). I think the only reason we got off as lightly as we did was that several of the party members were part of the police frat in the college - up-and-coming defenders of the peace, as it were. The whole lot of us could have been rounded up, all because the roommate legitimately called the cops ON her own apartment, to protect her apartment.

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That's a lot of good advice all in one place.

I think my childhood was much like yours SummerQueen. I went many places and did many things that were dangerous. I got away with in large part because of who I went and came home with. I don't think my parents had any idea. I'm not sure how much I blame my folks for that. I was a very closed mouthed child.

Concerning communication, I think we're good this generation. The girls do bring me problems I would never have discussed with my mother for fear of her reaction or not caring what she thought. We've been talking things out for a very long time. Eighteen is not a good age to start discussing sex, drugs, crime, police, internet communications, photos, and the consequences (including those that come simply from being with people doing those things)---not because it's too early but because it's about seven years too late. And yes knowing that there's support out there and using it is the best way to minimize the consequences of bad choices.