Thank you very much for sharing your story. It sounds like you had been on a hell of a roller coaster, but you finally found the way out. You make lots of interesting points, and I can see my own views about religion reflected in your experience. Particularly the part about theists "love" being dependent on subscribing to their belief system.
Feel free to send me a private message.
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Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.
Index of useful threads and discussions
Index of my best videos
Quickstart guide to the forum