(April 19, 2015 at 11:24 pm)Jenny A Wrote: I think this is a very personal matter. It matters to me that if I promise fidelity, I give it and that if I am promised fidelity I get it. It's about integrity.
But I've had more than one partner at once. It's just that I was open about it. Honesty is important.
Ah! Yes, you've narrowed it down to the rub. Honesty was the element missing from my post. When my ex cheated on me and left, I fought to get her back. When she did it again, I let her go. Through out that time, and for a few years after, I was angry and felt betrayed, but now I'm not so sure I would care if someone lies to me or cheats on me. I don't really see the importance, other than staying STD free. If I'm outwardly ok with my partner having other partners, why would I care if she somehow kept it from me? I look at it as human nature now. It just doesn't happen to be my nature; I'm a one gal type of guy, and it took me years to see how unrealistic it was to hold others to that.
Lying is a little harder to reconcile, but I get it. There's somewhat of a social contract that says when you enter a relationship it will be exclusive. Lying about breaking that contract is an attempt to keep peace and spare hard feelings, which makes it no different from any other lie, and it's very human.
I don't know, I'm re-fleshing this out in real-time after having been settled on the issue years ago. A part of me still thinks I'm not able to fall in love again, which was my initial conclusion, because I have no issue with my partner having other partners. Also, telling someone up front that you don't care about that stuff hardly ever goes over well. Seems to piss the lady off, as she makes the assumption that I have no morals or values concerning fidelity. I should probably work out how to explain that better in the future.
