RE: Perturbed and tired.
May 7, 2015 at 2:35 pm
(This post was last modified: May 7, 2015 at 2:37 pm by dahrling.)
Hello (:
Firstly, my name is Sara. I'm 19 years old and I have not been through the same experiences that you have so everything I have to say comes from a purely personal perspective with a very different point of view. If I offend you in anyway please let me know because that is not my intent.
I don't know what to say to someone who has been through as much as you have. I think that might be the reason people point you to god whenever you try to tell them about your struggles. They know there's nothing they can do, except tell you about this "all-powerful being" who is supposed to take care of all your problems and make everything alright, if not in this life then in the other.
You have to understand, these people have also had struggles and whenever they felt hopeless they felt would tell themselves that there was this god behind them, giving them strength to go on. But you never needed that. You're strong, all by yourself. You've survived this far, you've come all this way without resorting to this god everyone insists on telling you about. You're a true survivor.
I cannot understand being homeless. But I can understand what confusion feels like, and what living a lie can do to you.
For a long time, I suffered all by myself. I pretended (to myself and to everybody else) everything was alright when it wasn't. Then I turned to "god" - and to be honest many times it really did feel completely genuine. I truly felt this love and hope come over me, although looking back I don't think it was a supernatural experience, I think I was pushed to my limits and being told this superior and loving being existed made me feel alive. It made me feel hopeful. It made me feel loved.
In many ways, this god kept me alive. There were quite a few times I wanted to suicide, but the though of going to hell stopped me. It feels ironic now. I do not fear hell anymore, but now I do want to live because I know we only have one shot at it.
I know what it is like having people close to you who believe in god and who do not want to let go of him. I'm surrounded by them. What I have come to understand is that to many people the idea that their life is finite - that once you're dead, you're dead - is very hard to accept. For me, that was probably the hardest concept to overcome when turning away from religion.
There is also the fact that there is so much injustice in the world, and I knew there isn't going to be a final judgement when people will pay for their crimes. And so many people have suffered, and keep suffering, for absolutely no logical reason.
Ultimately, faith is belief despite evidence. People will tell you that you must choose faith or reason.
For me, it was no longer a choice. No matter how much I tried to keep my faith in god, I just couldn't. The evidence was too loud. The biblical contradictions spoke volumes to me. How could a loving god allow people to suffer? And no matter how much I tried to tell myself that it was god's plan, or that we deserve it, or that there is a reason to it, I simply couldn't swallow any of it anymore. I had to let it go.
I have a father who is deeply religious. He also tells me to pray when I struggle. I simply look at him, and think about how naive that concept is, and then I just let it go. I don't tell him that I'll pray or that I believe in god. I just look away, or change the subject. Sometimes I go deeper into it and say "that is not enough for me". And then I realize there is nothing he can do for me, all I want is for him to say "I'm sorry, that must be hard" and give me a hug. But I cannot change who he is. Maybe you have to accept how your boyfriend feels too, maybe you can both reach a neutral ground. You don't speak about atheism, he doesn't speak about Christianity. I've seen it work, but I cannot say it will work for you or for anybody else.
I am here if you want to talk - you can send me private messages and I will help you if I can.
All I can say is that what you're going through must be really hard. And I wish I could give you a hug
Firstly, my name is Sara. I'm 19 years old and I have not been through the same experiences that you have so everything I have to say comes from a purely personal perspective with a very different point of view. If I offend you in anyway please let me know because that is not my intent.
I don't know what to say to someone who has been through as much as you have. I think that might be the reason people point you to god whenever you try to tell them about your struggles. They know there's nothing they can do, except tell you about this "all-powerful being" who is supposed to take care of all your problems and make everything alright, if not in this life then in the other.
You have to understand, these people have also had struggles and whenever they felt hopeless they felt would tell themselves that there was this god behind them, giving them strength to go on. But you never needed that. You're strong, all by yourself. You've survived this far, you've come all this way without resorting to this god everyone insists on telling you about. You're a true survivor.
I cannot understand being homeless. But I can understand what confusion feels like, and what living a lie can do to you.
For a long time, I suffered all by myself. I pretended (to myself and to everybody else) everything was alright when it wasn't. Then I turned to "god" - and to be honest many times it really did feel completely genuine. I truly felt this love and hope come over me, although looking back I don't think it was a supernatural experience, I think I was pushed to my limits and being told this superior and loving being existed made me feel alive. It made me feel hopeful. It made me feel loved.
In many ways, this god kept me alive. There were quite a few times I wanted to suicide, but the though of going to hell stopped me. It feels ironic now. I do not fear hell anymore, but now I do want to live because I know we only have one shot at it.
I know what it is like having people close to you who believe in god and who do not want to let go of him. I'm surrounded by them. What I have come to understand is that to many people the idea that their life is finite - that once you're dead, you're dead - is very hard to accept. For me, that was probably the hardest concept to overcome when turning away from religion.
There is also the fact that there is so much injustice in the world, and I knew there isn't going to be a final judgement when people will pay for their crimes. And so many people have suffered, and keep suffering, for absolutely no logical reason.
Ultimately, faith is belief despite evidence. People will tell you that you must choose faith or reason.
For me, it was no longer a choice. No matter how much I tried to keep my faith in god, I just couldn't. The evidence was too loud. The biblical contradictions spoke volumes to me. How could a loving god allow people to suffer? And no matter how much I tried to tell myself that it was god's plan, or that we deserve it, or that there is a reason to it, I simply couldn't swallow any of it anymore. I had to let it go.
I have a father who is deeply religious. He also tells me to pray when I struggle. I simply look at him, and think about how naive that concept is, and then I just let it go. I don't tell him that I'll pray or that I believe in god. I just look away, or change the subject. Sometimes I go deeper into it and say "that is not enough for me". And then I realize there is nothing he can do for me, all I want is for him to say "I'm sorry, that must be hard" and give me a hug. But I cannot change who he is. Maybe you have to accept how your boyfriend feels too, maybe you can both reach a neutral ground. You don't speak about atheism, he doesn't speak about Christianity. I've seen it work, but I cannot say it will work for you or for anybody else.
I am here if you want to talk - you can send me private messages and I will help you if I can.
All I can say is that what you're going through must be really hard. And I wish I could give you a hug
![[Image: tumblr_m2vsmhTfM41qa1e2io1_r1_500.gif]](https://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2vsmhTfM41qa1e2io1_r1_500.gif)
