RE: Perturbed and tired.
May 7, 2015 at 2:58 pm
(This post was last modified: May 7, 2015 at 3:08 pm by BrendAddict.)
I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......II thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......II thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
1. You are right. What I've been told is that a man who loves and respects his mother is the perfect man. However, he receives phone calls and texts at a minimum of 5x/day and a maximum of 20+/day. It has become a problem in our relationship. She also lives less than 1/4 mile away. As do his aunt, uncle and cousins (actually they live about a 45 second walk away)..... I am constantly rejected by his family, to say the least... and I feel that his mom is the most important person to him, in his current life. Even moreso than this god that he claims to love. She is there. Every. Day. And though she is a good person and means well, she takes him from me. And throws him towards god. But in the end, it feels like all he is trying to do is to please her. I understand that people need to be close to their family and whatnot but there comes a point in time when I feel that I am pushed aside. And I can't be myself... because he tells his family every...thing.... I feel like such an outsider.
2. I am glad you understand my feelings about this. I have tried to learn to recognize it for what it is.. then I seem to have backtracked into the "well I have to pretend so that I can have my needs and desires met". Because otherwise, at this point, once I reveal my true feelings... I will lose my needs and desires. Maybe not forever. But the beginning of this change is what I'm afraid of. I've lived the life of that person on the side of the street, depending on the government's food supply and being afraid of the pressure of drugs and alcohol (as I have had a past of confirmed addiction) and sexual/physical assault.
Basically, it feels to me that I either have the choice to go back to the homeless lifestyle... or to live a life of pretend for someone else's relief......I thank you for your kind welcome and observations.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
im sorry, my keyboard is messing up. i tried to use wordpad to write my responses and reply to each message. but everytime i hit the shift button to apply grammar to my words, it copies what i had written before. i am exceptionally grateful for every one of your responses and once i figure out whats wrong with this keyboard or replace it, i will respond individually to each post. i cannot describe how absolutely amazing i feel from the support received. i broke down into tears several times. i am sorry that i am unable to respond individually. please know that your messages are received.
