I think that if god wanted you to know he was there, he would do more than just provide tragic examples and all-too subtle hints. Think about it: this is the god who used to directly interact with humans and guide their lives (or end them) through direct action and contact. Now he might be sending you hints via the outcomes of others (who nonetheless are the architects of their own problems, which means that god isn't taking part in their misery). What you're experiencing isn't JW indoctrination as much as the persistence of presuppositional ideas. Having been convinced that god exists via nothing more than rote repetition and general community opinion, it's really difficult to undo that belief on a subconscious level. I think that most atheists go through that. Such deeply-held beliefs do not yield easily, even to conscious reasoned thought.
"Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape- like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered."
-Stephen Jay Gould
-Stephen Jay Gould
