Why be good?

[henryp]

Well, I appreciate your honesty!

You seem fully aware that you probably would behave differently if you did have empathy. Does that give you any pause for thought? Do you see the lack of empathy as... I'm not sure what the word is... a justification, or an excuse maybe, to act differently to how you would if you had it? It's a genuine question, I'm interested. I'm not judging you. I'm just noting your brain set up isn't the norm, and you are aware of this.

It's hard to get my head around really, because I can't get in the state of mind where I have no empathy, my imagination adds it on even when I've just assumed I don't have it anymore.

Empathy, to me, is a tricky thing.  When you think about it, it's really a different way to make everything about yourself.   

"I feel bad that you got hit by a car, because I would hate it if I got hit by a car."   

That's why all the hokey sayings are "Treat others like you want to be treated", "Love thy neighbor as thyself" or "Walk a mile in their shoes."  The key component of all of these is making it about you.  That's why it's not "Treat others how they want to be treated."  

So what I've done, is shift that to the more appropriate form.  "Treat others how they want to be treated."  But if I don't care how some guy in India is treated, there's no reason to follow the rule.  "Yeah, but how would you feel if you get hit by a car!?"  Terrible.  But I didn't get hit by a car.  Some person I don't care about got hit by a car.  So they feel terrible, and I don't feel a thing.

To answer the question, without really answering it, I was empathetic.  Just like I was religious.  In that I was operating with the belief that I believed things I didn't really believe.  In the same way in the end I said "Do I really believe in God?" and the answer was "Not really."  The question of "Do I really care about a homeless man in Kentucky?" The answer was not really.  And if I'd been a bit more proactive, honest, and open-minded in my thinking, I could have come to those conclusions a lot earlier based on my behaviors which were pretty clear evidence I didn't really believe either.

Also, to clarify, I do have empathy.  I'm heavily invested in the happiness of my kid.  I doubt I could shake that if I wanted to.  And I don't really want to.  I'm not looking to overthrow all my biological and social impulses.  I tend to care about most people I am generally fond of in my vicinity.  The further from my circle of existence, or the more negative my relationship with them is, the less I care about them.  

It is an interesting question of whether my brain works differently or not.  I'm not convinced it does.  But it's not clear to me yet.

An aside, I play poker pretty seriously.  And one of the interesting phenomenons is that some people who know how to play generically well have fits when it comes to playing with people who are bad.  The reason being that they can't stop projecting their view of the game onto others.  So when Bob the idiot raises, they are only able to consider what they would raise with if they were in Bob the idiots position.  One of my strengths, is that I have always been very good at empathizing in the sense of looking at something from someone else's perspective.  It's why I'm a lot more 'understanding' when it comes to religious folks as well, I suspect.  I get why they are religious.  And If I don't 'get' someone, I'm good at figuring it out.  The two may be related.  My ability to remove myself from the equation when looking at others and why I don't associate what happens to them to what happens to me.