The right to mis-define oneself

[bennyboy]

This is an issue, but what's your alternative? Force her to use the men's changing room and be subject to harassment?

Either way, she's going to be causing a stir. I think she should use the women's changing room, but should avoid showing her penis. In other words, she should not impose on normal women the idea that they must accept her as a woman, penis and all.

Again with the should. What do you mean by it in this context? That's between her and the guy

This is a male organism who has instincts to mate with a female organism-- something which Jenner isn't, actually. The male is very likely to have a negative reaction, causing trama to himself and possibly endangering Jenner. Jenner doesn't get to be surprised, and say "What's wrong? I'm just a girl with a penis. Why are you overreacting?" Her fail to disclose is a lie of omission, and any normal person can see that it is going to cause a problem.

Omitting mention of their histories can feel like "hiding" to some trans people, but others prefer keeping the information to themselves, for a variety of reasons. People may think of you differently after you disclose. They might scrutinize your behavior, talk about you behind your back, or exclude you socially. And it's not like people have a right to know, anyway; privacy is privacy. For these reasons, and a lot more, it's perfectly reasonable for people to not mention they're trans.

IOW, it's her business.

I think this is selfish and immoral. If she is getting involved with a man, there are some obvious expectations-- specifically, that the woman he's having sex with is not a man made by surgery to look like a woman. And that she doesn't have boy parts. I don't think a transwoman's right to privacy trumps this poor guy's experience of having the trans-definition issue imposed on him unexpectedly. Just to show up in the bedroom without first addressing the issue would constitute, in my opinion, a category of rape or sexual abuse, because the psychological effects it could have are so predictable and powerful that a responsible person would take steps to avoid them. Saying the man involved shouldn't have that emotional reaction is like saying a raped girl shouldn't have that emotional reaction-- neither can help it, and both should be protected by law from being subjected to it.