So like many people of this country i was brought up in a christian house hold. Southern methodist to be exact. I was raised by my grandparents who were both born in 1927. They were not as staunchly religious as you would think, though. However, it was required of me to, like it or not, go to church on sunday. It was more of their way of getting my lazy ass out of bed on that day and adding structure to my life than it was about actual indoctrination. My grandfather was involved in the church that we went to from their beginning. He went to school for accounting so he did some book keeping for them in his spare time for no charge. He also donated very generously quite often. He felt an obligation to give back to his community. Later i was to find out it's because he was a terrible human being earlier in his life and felt he had to make amends for it. I also later discovered that he's actually quite agnostic in his personal beliefs and felt the bible was "full of sh*t". He eventually got fed up with church politics and removed us from there all together. I was just thrilled i didn't have to attend anymore. However from a very early age i can remember calling bs on all the fairy tales my family told me. Santa, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy, the boogie man etc etc and that even included god and jesus. I remember driving my family nuts because they kept insisting that all these things existed and were true. While i absolutely insisted that there was no way possible that they did. I just knew in the bottom of my heart that these things were just made up for entertainment. I just knew there was no god. I just knew that the bible was made up. I just knew there was no heaven or hell or after life. I used to have dreams at a very young age of a black wall of nothingness moving slowly towards me. I would awake in panic knowing that wall was death and that i was helpless to stop it. From a very young age i knew i had to make the most of my time on this rock before i get planted in it.
Later in life i returned to that church from my childhood. I was 17 and a senior in highschool. I went because my friends went and i wanted to fit in. I felt out of place and i think the church goers could see it on my face and never really accepted me. Whenever we would attend the youth group sessions it felt so wrong. It felt like i was being brainwashed by a cult. When interacting with the other teenagers things just never lined up. They would be talking about the teachings of jesus yet friday and saturday night they were partying. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, having sex etc etc. One of the girls was even having sex with one of the youth ministers. I came to see it as some screwed up, twisted singles club. Where if you loved jesus you got laid. Eventually i got fed up with it and stopped going. Which would be the last time i ever willingly stepped foot into a church.
Anyways just a brief history of my experiences with church and religion. I never fully accepted "jesus into my heart" so i guess i can't say i was converted. However i did move away from the church very quickly.
Later in life i returned to that church from my childhood. I was 17 and a senior in highschool. I went because my friends went and i wanted to fit in. I felt out of place and i think the church goers could see it on my face and never really accepted me. Whenever we would attend the youth group sessions it felt so wrong. It felt like i was being brainwashed by a cult. When interacting with the other teenagers things just never lined up. They would be talking about the teachings of jesus yet friday and saturday night they were partying. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, having sex etc etc. One of the girls was even having sex with one of the youth ministers. I came to see it as some screwed up, twisted singles club. Where if you loved jesus you got laid. Eventually i got fed up with it and stopped going. Which would be the last time i ever willingly stepped foot into a church.
Anyways just a brief history of my experiences with church and religion. I never fully accepted "jesus into my heart" so i guess i can't say i was converted. However i did move away from the church very quickly.
