Get To Know Your Staff - thesummerqueen

[thesummerqueen]

What is your quest?
Er, to paraphrase the luscious Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro “I am a woman in search of a quest.”

Let’s just say that at this point in my life, I feel exactly like a Robert Frost poem. “Two roads diverged...” I’m at the beginning of a “choose your own adventure” and the only thing I know about my quest is that it’s going to involve chlorophyll.

What is your favorite flower/plant?
Roses. Unequivocally, roses. It’s the perfect flower - thorny, adaptable, but yielding blooms that used to be showered down at banquets, or turned into exquisite, highly expensive perfume. It was the heart of the story for Beauty and the Beast. They represent secrets, love of all kinds, mysteries, beauty... They’re not just my favorite flower, they’re one of my favorite things ever.

What would win in a fight, a cougar or a bear?
Hm. Bear’s got size and strength, but I’ve got a healthy respect for the panther. I’ve also seen a friend yell at a bear that was breaking into his camp stores and chase it off. So I think the panther could win, if it came balls out from the beginning. But if it didn’t, the bear would probably just bitch-slap it.

What do you think would be the worst way to die?
Drowning. My white ass stays out of deep water.

What do you think is the key to your captivating allure?
Better you ask yourself why you think I’m alluring - you’ll get a more insightful answer that way. I am what I am.

But for a more shallow answer, I think the best two things a woman can have are a good perfume, and a genuine smile. Eventually your designer clothes will come off, and when the lights are out he won’t see how perfectly you applied your make up, but your scent will linger with him for life. Find something unique that works well with your skin and makes you feel sexy - because if you don’t feel it, you won’t project it.

What's the best gift you've ever received? And not something wussy like the gift of love. I mean like something that came in a box.
My “goodbye” gift when I left K. Hovnanian was epic. They chipped in to get me a stand-alone mixer, and they all signed one of those three-ring Better Homes & Gardens cookbooks. My eyes got huge when I saw the mixer, but I bawled like a baby when I opened the cookbook.

Would you rather have no arms or no legs?
No legs. I do too much crafty stuff. I could even technically still garden with no legs.

Could you ever live in a place that had no garden, for example an apartment block?
I have - my first place down here. I had a container garden, which meant six rose bushes in pots and many many more herbs and flowers besides. And hanging baskets. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. If there were no patio/balcony, I’d make terrariums.

Do you say 'I could care less' or 'I couldn't care less', and if the first one, do you understand that it makes no sense whatsoever?
Generally I say with a hick accent, “I don’t give a shit!” but for the sake of playing along I’ve said both, and yes I know it makes no sense - it depends on how much caffeine I’ve had as to which gets used, which is also correlated with how much I care.

Do you drink coffee?
Do you breathe?

Do you smoke?
Nope. Asthmatic.

How often do you go "out for the evening"?
Not very often, as I’m very poor. I’m willing to be taken out though.

Do you have roommates?
I have one Baptist roommate. She owns the house, but the yard is mine.

Do you think I'm funny?
I think you’re hysterical. I’ll do you one better - I think you’re sexy. And I think you have a wonderful heart. I also admire your patience and good-humor. Chew on that for a while.

What's your favourite food?
My favorite thing ever to just eat is watermelon. I’ll bust my gut trying to eat one all by myself. You could say my favorite “treats” are fruit in general - even over chocolate. My favorite “meals” to eat are Italian.

What is the happiest event that you have ever experienced?
Lame alert. I’ve never had an event in my life that I look back on as “I was so happy.”

I’m happiest whenever I’m digging and planting. I’m like Mary in The Secret Garden and want to press kisses to the first tender points of the bulbs I see in the spring. The wispy spirals of emerging seedlings make me draw breath, and the first spicy green scent of a maturing cilantro plant strikes my heart like religious fervor. I’m that happy. I smile while I work. Spring puts me in a haze. I want to sing and dance. I want to roll around in the dirt with a lover and make them feel the same skin-tingling loveliness of things bursting just beneath the surface and buds swelling and sap rising... lol, do you see? It makes me feel like there are fireflies buzzing around inside me.

Why do you love me?
Because you’re a crotchety old bastard but you have some cute kids who look happy and healthy, so you can’t be all bad.

Will you do a Nigella video?
[amused smile] No but when I actually cook on weekends I typically have Google hang-out running so I can chat with friends. It makes me feel like you’re in the kitchen with me, which I like a lot.

Does the idea of getting married and having children appeal to you?
Getting married, yeah. I’ve never had a problem with that. I used to want a ton of kids, but now I’m at the age when I might start having them and I look at all my peers who are and I think... I still got shit to do! I guess I’m selfish and I fear becoming one of those moms who gets completely lost in parenthood and loses their core self to it. Once a cool woman, sacrificed on the altar of the PTA. Yeah. I grew up in yuppie suburbia. [shudder] At the same time, I know I’d also be a thorn in the side of whatever school system my kids belonged to, which might be argument enough to never have them in the South. Maybe in a couple years the “clock” will start ticking or something.

Is it possible that crab apples will ever be accepted on the dinner tables of families world wide?
Well, my sister is allowed to sit at our table but I wouldn’t want to force her on anyone else.

The "Jew" Questions

---

Is it true what the conspiracy theorists say? That you are trying to convert Atheist Forums into an "Elders of Zion" type dystopia of forum, where non-Jew members are manipulated to create wealth for the lazy "summerqueen" type Jew men?
Dude, I’m really just here for the bagels.

Could you be specific about how you personally feel about the relationship between modern day Israel and USA?
I could...if I cared. I get that the Jews wanted their own country, and I get that America has various reasons for wanting to stay allied with them, but when it comes to nationality and loyalty I’m American first and don’t give a shit about a strip of desert that a bunch of monotheists are squabbling over. I’m afraid you’ll have to come back with more specific questions than that, and I won’t mind discussing them with you.

"I think, therefore I am" applies to most people. What about your fellow god believing Jews and other races who hold to superstitious bull crap?
What about ‘em? I think my people are as full of shit as the rest - I just think we’re REALLY good at bullshitting you into leaving us alone about it.

What are some of the things or activities that still remain with you as a result of being influenced by Judaism (if there are any)?
The holidays are probably the easiest to identify. While my family is a pain in the ass, spending time sharing rituals and traditions and learning about our families various histories with the people I used to go to temple with is always a blast.

To welcome in the Sabbath, for instance, the woman of the house, or the oldest female (or oldest girl in the confirmation class, which happened to be me usually) will light the two shabbas candles and run her hands over them in a scooping motion three times, as if she were gathering the candle light towards her face. On the third pass she ends by covering her eyes and saying a prayer. In effect, you are supposed to clear your mind of the entire week and think only of the peace and light associated with a day of rest. Disregarding all the ridiculous lengths orthodox Jews go through for that day of “rest,” of course. Its a sort of little meditative aid I can get behind, minus the prayer. It still actually quiets and relaxes me when I do it at gatherings.

Occasionally as well I still accompany some friends down here to services, both Conservative and Reform, and then we go out for Thai food and shut the place down.


What does being a Humanistic Jew ACTUALLY mean?/
By what means do you consider yourself a "Jew" that separates you from me just making the claim "I am a Jew."
For laziness’ sake, I’ll just copy-paste what I wrote on Horseman’s thread. If you want to know more, you know where to find me. http://www.shj.org/

I was raised a Jew - the culture inevitably influences the way I think in a knee-jerk way. There are concepts from other religions and cultures that I find hard to wrap my head around because of it. Also, I actually like most of our holidays and don’t mind celebrating them. If I had my own place, I’d invite you all over for Sukkot ever year.

But in good conscience I couldn't call myself a plain Jew because I finally gave into the fact that I didn't believe in an old man in the sky watching everything we did. I don't remember who introduced me to the humanistic side of Judaism - it was something in passing - but humanism aligns nicely with my values and "beliefs," as it were.

Also, I like gefilte fish. ‘nuff said. If I have to explain that, you might gag.

How Jewish are the rest of your family?
My family ranges from Conservative to “Don’t give a shit”..

My mother is a see-saw - some days she doesn’t care, and some days she exasperates the hell out of me because, as Lewis Black described of HIS mother, “My mother is not cliched as a Jewish mother is, my mother has staked a darker territory.” Her parents’ deaths put her off-kilter I think and now she, like a lot of Jews, clings to family things and traditions, but at the same time was the one who defended me against the rest of the family for my ink.

When I was younger the family was more Jewish, you might say - when my grandparents were still alive. They were kind of the glue that held the pieces together. My grandfather looked like every Ashkenazi you ever saw - you could get reception from Scotland on his schnoz. Since their deaths, the families have petered out in faith and practice. We younger generation are mostly made up of sciencey kiddos so we’re more agnostic - my sister, I noticed, is the most observant and she got a Business & Psych degree. The rest of us are going into Aeronautics/Engineering, Marine Bio (lots of that), Horticulture, etc.

Was there ever a time when you would only date someone if he were Jewish?
Never. It’s hard enough to find a guy who ‘gets’ me, much less restrict it to a certain religion. My mother never raised us to be discriminating. Up until recently there’s actually never been a Jewish guy who I would have considered dating, and the only reason this one dude got the thumbs up is he’s a Jewish Atheist, as well as being a nerd and cute as a button.

---