Totally NOT a debate about the veracity of the gospels

[Tonus]

You are looking at it from a human perspective.

That's kinda my point. We cannot "look at it" from any other perspective. And if we place god's perspective out of reach, then we are at a stalemate. Until such time as I agree that he is there, you can simply tell me I am not focusing properly while guaranteeing me that I'm sooo close.

In the face of everything I've learned about God and my Faith.... I've failed at times. But, God hasn't abandoned me. Ever! Just like He hasn't abandoned you either Tonus. I see your heart! Keep searching brother. I'll pray that He reveals Himself in a good way to you. If there is even a glimmer of hope in you to find God.... try to at least be open. Just for a time. Peace

I think that if there is a god and he is proving this difficult to locate, yet he is intensely concerned with my welfare, then at some point he'll tap me on the shoulder and we'll have a chat. When Jesus was admonishing the pharisees for their slavish attention to the law, he told them that god wanted "mercy, not sacrifices." Which means that god is more interested in the sort of person we become, and not in whether or not we can train ourselves to slavishly follow rules like rats in a maze.

If that is the case, then he will feel a sense of obligation towards people like me, who served him devoutly and lived the life he commanded me to live and then sought him out only to come up empty. That's cruel. If he's not cruel, he'll be straight with me when the time comes to settle up. If he is cruel, then at least I got to play some Diablo III and enjoy the occasional wank before things all went to shit.