The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[LadyForCamus]

You know, Tibs and I were talking about this and he said there's a lot of victim blaming. I was like, "Come on. I'm not a victim. It's not a big deal." Then we talked about it, and I thought about it like this. Would you tell a woman who just got punched in the face by her abusive husband after calling him an asshole that "He shouldn't have done that, but you should have been nicer to him, since you know he has anger issues."? Now, I 100% realize it's an inflated analogy. Ham didn't hit anyone here, but the principal stands. You think everyone should be nicer to him so he won't fly off the handle because he has issues. It's not that you think he's a nice guy that's a problem. I don't think he's a bad person, either. It's the "but" you put at the end of "He shouldn't do that." that rankles. No buts, dude. No buts. There are things I shouldn't do. I shouldn't do them. Period.

I guess it seems that way because I’m talking about two separate issues at the same time.  A man should not insult a woman by calling her a cunt.  Ever.  That’s my opinion, anyway.  No excuses.  No ‘buts’.  Hammy was wrong.  End of story.  ShellB, if you meant to instigate him, that in no way gives him the right or an excuse to say that to you, just as that in no way gives a man the right to punch you in the nose.  It’s a good analogy.  People choose what they say here, and that’s on them.  More broadly speaking though, what I’ve noticed around here over the past several years is a pattern of intentional provokation of Hammy, and then what appears to be satisfaction in the fall out.

Poke.  Poke.  Poke.  ‘Well, Hammy flipped it again!  Figures he wouldn’t be able to keep it together. Lather, rinse, repeat!  See you in three days, Hamz!  *popcorn*

The other thing I see is people accusing him of picking fights when he’s just having a normal conversation with someone. I’m just wondering how productive it is to set someone up for failure like that, especially when it’s painfully obvious, at least to me, that he’s trying very hard to do better.  I’m perplexed by motive is all.