RE: The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)
November 14, 2018 at 12:56 am
(This post was last modified: November 14, 2018 at 1:26 am by Catholic_Lady.)
(November 13, 2018 at 10:39 pm)wyzas Wrote: Did any of you read CL's CIJS post? And my responses?
https://atheistforums.org/thread-43505-p...t=pregnant post #6115
Do none of you see self pity in that post? I know CL was venting but what was being said was a little hard core.
Yes, I was insensitive, but sometimes people need to hear some tough love. I've been hoping that CL would get past this for awhile but not seeing much progress. And if you haven't seen my support for CL in the past then you haven't been looking.
If my poke in the CIJS thread and post in this thread pissed you/CL off enough to move on, well, what can I say. Maybe what I had to say had nothing to do with you moving on. But then, ................
I will take responsibility for being insensitive and I do apologize CL. I've been in a tough love mode with several people IRL for months. You might have got caught up in that, it's my fault, not yours.
I see your apology and appreciate it.
I think what a lot of people don't understand about the whole "getting over it" bit is that it isn't just a case of one baby loss to get over. It's the subsequent infertility that came after it.
In other words, it isn't just the death of one child that I've been mourning, but also the death of motherhood. Of hopes and dreams of having a family, making my husband a father, seeing our love take human form. When you're trying to conceive unsuccessfully, it hurts every month when it doesn't work. Especially when you're taking fertility drugs, injecting yourself with hormones, and even having surgeries (I had 3 in the past year) in the hopes that something will fix the problem. Only to be let down month after month. And of course, this is compounded by the fact that I have been pregnant and experienced everything, including birth, and yet don't have a baby. It fucks with the brain in a way that is hard to explain. The baby loss and infertility feed off each other. Each making the other more painful and difficult to deal with.
With that being said, a recent in depth test I did showed what the main issue is - poor egg quality. Basically my eggs sucks. It explains why I haven't been able to get pregnant despite all the fertility drugs and surgeries. It also explains why the one baby I did have had all those birth defects and malformations that ended up killing him. He came from a bad egg with DNA fragmentation and genetic mutations.
Despite this being devastating, it has brought me some sense of peace in that now I know and I can stop trying. And just try to move on and heal, rather than dealing with this every single month.
(November 13, 2018 at 11:58 pm)wyzas Wrote: Fine, I'm malicious, inhuman, callous and any other label you think applies. I'll take all the heat any of you want to give me.
Living in loss, remorse, regret and self pity is no way to live. It destroys the person and the people around them (if any remain). The group here seems to think that a miscarriage lies in some special category of loss that no woman can ever get over. Now, I'm not a woman so I can't speak first hand, but I have known a few that have had the experience. The ones that work their way thru the grief process recover, and don't continue to torture themselves, at least that's what I hear from them. Maybe they're lying, I can't really know for certain.
Was I too harsh, seems that way by the reactions. Do I completely regret my actions, no.
You might as well get it all out now.
Edit: My position has nothing to do with religion.
Did you miss my post entirely when I explained about how I specifically don't really talk about this with friends/family, and for the most part act like everything is ok? Because I don't want to burden them, make them feel uncomfortable, or otherwise be a downer?
Anyway, not sure why I'm still responding about this. There's no reason to still be posting.
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
-walsh
-walsh