The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[Catholic_Lady]

I see your apology and appreciate it. 

I think what a lot of people don't understand about the whole "getting over it" bit is that it isn't just a case of one baby loss to get over. It's the subsequent infertility that came after it. 

In other words, it isn't just the death of one child that I've been mourning, but also the death of motherhood. Of hopes and dreams of having a family, making my husband a father, seeing our love take human form. When you're trying to conceive unsuccessfully, it hurts every month when it doesn't work. Especially when you're taking fertility drugs, injecting yourself with hormones, and even having surgeries (I had 3 in the past year) in the hopes that something will fix the problem. Only to be let down month after month. And of course, this is compounded by the fact that I have been pregnant and experienced everything, including birth, and yet don't have a baby. It fucks with the brain in a way that is hard to explain. The baby loss and infertility feed off each other. Each making the other more painful and difficult to deal with. 

With that being said, a recent in depth test I did showed what the main issue is - poor egg quality. Basically my eggs sucks. It explains why I haven't been able to get pregnant despite all the fertility drugs and surgeries. It also explains why the one baby I did have had all those birth defects and malformations that ended up killing him. He came from a bad egg with DNA fragmentation and genetic mutations. 

Despite this being devastating, it has brought me some sense of peace in that now I know and I can stop trying. And just try to move on and heal, rather than dealing with this every single month.

I appreciate that you've taken the time to clarify things for us, I think much of this is in a response to you no longer posting and people trying to come to terms with that. If you feel like it, I think it would be appreciated if you could say why you left and if you think you might ever return.

Let it be known that I didn't leave out of spite or anger towards the people here. I in fact quite like most of you, and have mad respect for the creator of the site. I think this just isn't a good place for respectful and productive discussion about differing view points. I think that is what Tibs may have intended it to be when he created it, but isn't what it has turned out. I would describe it more as a place where liberal atheists come to vent among like minded individuals and find a sense of comradery in a world where they are otherwise the minority. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need a place where we feel supported and validated. And I don't blame yall for having that here.

But for me personally, it doesn't work out too well in the end because I am neither a liberal nor an atheist. I wouldn't expect anyone to ever agree with me on many topics, just as I probably won't agree with them. But I do try to listen to, understand, and find some merit in their opinions or views, which many times, I did. That is the point of having a discussion - understanding differences, learning about the other side, growing in your own views, and even finding some things in common with the other person. That it what I was looking for here, but most times I found it difficult to come by.

I've seen numerous people here say they don't take our beliefs seriously enough to give it any sort of time for discussion - just immediate dismissal and scoff at best, and mockery and hate at worst. So why should I stick around? It doesn't work if the effort to understand is mostly on my end. I come here and find the same exact stuff every time - hateful blanket statements about entire groups of people, lot's of anger, plenty of strawmen, little willingness or desire to discuss and try to understand opposing views. Fairy sky daddy this, and Christards that, and republicunts over here, etc etc, same old same old. (I should add that I know this doesnt apply to everyone, as there are a few here who actually do want to have respectful dialogue. But not many.)

I know this may sound insulting, but I really don't mean it to be. Like I said, I understand yall wanting your own space to vent about religion and politics, and am not holding it against anyone. I am glad I can keep in touch with many of you on Facebook and/or slack, and we can talk about normal every day life things instead.