Peanut Gallery Commentary on the Staff Log of Bannings and such like.

[thesummerqueen]

So the past couple of days have been really difficult for me as a moderator of my facebook group. I came back here because it seemed safer. Then I saw heatheness's thread and I remembered why I left.

Y'all doin' a good job. Keep being good to one another as staff and as a team. I often feel alone in what I do these days. I'm really worn out.

Never knew you had an FB group. seen your personal page once or twice. 

I'm bad at judgement calls. I'd be banning the hell out of everybody.

I was the VP of our local atheist organization. I gave my version of a rage quit (so basically a "Fuck you, you handle this shit if you don't like what I'm doing"/flounce off) this morning, had a panic attack, and spent some time rocking back and forth in the shower. I've put a LOT of effort into this group over the years. Sweat, tears, money, time. The person instigating and perpetuating all of my troubles has been banned, but I am taking a few days to reassess whether or not I want to come back.

I am the only female officer so I get a double dose of personal hatred from certain people - either misogyny or because of bullshit drama. We have a subset of people we call "the victim club" who often act like many of the butthurt people you guys deal with here. Everything is always someone else's fault, never theirs. I'm a handy target for their blame because I'm always out in front and I'm easy to hate. I don't go out of the way to make people like me. I just want to get shit done.

But I'm not immune to repeated attacks over the course of years.

The president feels terrible - he came over and actually held me for a while so I could cry it out and apologized over and over for not being the kind of support I needed against abject mob-rousing dumbfucks and then fed me. I feel better. I just need some quiet time away from it all.