I am a Christian Atheist... what? Help.

[Jenny A]

I don't subscribe to human-controlled religion anymore. Unfortunately, atheism is really another human-controlled belief system, or should I say family of allied belief systems for accuracy, so we never entirely escape. Social control within atheism is extremely lax, however: perhaps just a scolding from Bill Maher on TV. 

If not believing in a god or gods is a belief system, so is not believing in unicorns.  That's just silly.  Atheism is a single response to a single question.  There's no system.  And as such there are no atheist police out there to turn you in if you do it wrong.  

As an atheist you'll be expected to go full bore and develop a snide, snarky attitude toward your former religion and the ridiculous stories in its holy texts.

Hardly, though I must admit it can be fun.

As an atheist you'll be expected to go full bore and develop a snide, snarky attitude toward your former religion and the ridiculous stories in its holy texts. Learn science well, particularly the big bang cosmology and Darwinian evolution. But never "believe" in these latter items; the slogan of atheism is We Make No Claims. Instead, merely assert their truth is established by the Self-Correcting Scientific Method. Nothing less will do on this site, which after all carries the venerable image of a Lithium atom on its masthead. I like atheism as a counterweight to religious authority, though. The Hierarchy gets so Stuffy it needs its balloon popped from time to time. Visit the RationalWiki for more details.

Oh please.  Many people are deconverted from religion by learning about science. Not surprisingly an interest in science is shared by many on this site.  So is a skeptical outlook.  But it's hardly required. And as is often pointed out to drop-in idiots who think that if science can't explain everything about everything god must exist, there were atheists long before Newton.  Atheism isn't really science dependent, it's just often a fellow traveler.

But snark all you like.