Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[Edwardo Piet]

Can I Just Say And I'm Just Being 100% Honest As Fuck As Always And Anyone Who Doesn't Believe Me Shouldn't Bother Reading This Post

Please leave me alone and stop trying to guilt trip me and control you. I'm not your baby anymore I'm a 28 year old man. I feel it's extremely wrong to turn the genuine love between family members into nothing more than duty, routine and guilt tripping. It's so forced and contrived... can't we all just be ourselves and be happy with or without each other? Because I want us to all be happy and genuinely care about us all, you seem to just want a forced routine and duty to each other regardless of if we all actually are wanting to spend time together. Any of us who wants to be alone is entitled to be alone. No it doesn't matter if it's been months, there is no point at which it becomes "Oh okay now it's been long enough we should try and force another family member to meet up with us and try and guilt trip them." There is NEVER a point that that becomes okay.

I want you to all be happy, so can't you wish the same for me? No you can't, I learned that a long while ago. You're never going to change but I'm never going to change either so stop trying to force me to be something and someone I'm not. I'm extremely tired of being dependent and controlled and guilt tripped and a pushover. I'm 28 and I value my independence and alone time so much. I don't need a reason to be alone whether it's days, weeks, months, years or decades. You're entitled to do as you will, I just want you to be happy with or without me, I want you to all be happy with or without me... whereas you, you--you see me as like a toy or posession more than a person.

Him? Why am I always so willing to see him? Because he genuinely loves me like a friend and treats me like a person and we've always been close. He's more to me than just a blood relation. He's a genuine close friend and he's always been a genuine close friend, who I grew up with, who HAPPENS to be a close blood relation. He's my brother in more than just the biological sense. The love he shows me: It's not bullshit forced contrived guilt tripping and sense of duty. He clearly genuinely loves me whereas you seem to need me far more than you love me. And it's been that way as far as I can remember. Will you ever treat me as a person? It looks to me like the answer is "no".

Or the answer is "Yes for a little while I'll put on an act to pretend to care about you, Michael, but then it's back to treating you like an object with a brain to guilt trip and control."

Is family love nothing more than just a moral obligation to you?

Stop trying to force yourself to be something you're not. Stop being such a liar. Stop being so dishonest. Stop being so disingenuous. Stop trying to force others you are supposed to love to be as fake as you are.

But you're never going to stop that are you? As far as you're concerned I'll never be right and you're always right and always know better because that's your role, to you.

Well I'm more than just a fucking role and I wish you'd realize you are too because I love you.

I spent years trying to help you and I've given up at this point. You will NEVER accept my help, as far as you're concerned I have nothing to offer and a lot to be guilt tripped about. You have NO RESPECT for me. I wish I could help you, it pains me. I feel so sorry for you and I just wish you'd listen for once and stop telling me that I don't listen whenever I don't agree with you. STOP PLAYING YOUR ROLE AND JUST TREAT ME LIKE A FUCKING PERSON.


And then there's him. How he feels. Well he lives with you all the time so if he's miserable maybe blaming me for his mood is rather myopic of you? Or rather what you want to believe. Maybe you should look closer to home and stop putting the blame on me. I feel sorry for him because I know how badly you treated me for so many years. Yes I acted like an inexcusable prick on several occasions but fucking hell there's no way any of that would have ever happened if I didn't have you running things  and everyone ganging up on me and taking your side because of your status and role and because you got close to someone with even more power...

It's no fucking coincidence that the more time I spend away from you the more mentally healthy I become. I've still got the fucking aftermath of having to deal with having had you instill all your bullshit into me for so many years, your treatment of me affects me all the time and it's why I struggle so much and why I'm not exactly the most 'normal' person.... but seriously I honestly think that all my anxiety comes from YOU because you don't seem to fucking realize that there's more to love than fucking worrying about people like you'd worry about your possessions getting stolen or damaged. I'm a fucking person. Please start treating me like one one day. But no, like I said, you won't, you'll never change. And I'll never change either... I refuse to ever let you treat me like that ever again.

And yes HE was extremely abusive and VILE and is the reason why I was depressed and certainly highly responsible for many of your anxieties and issues... maybe even all of them... but you are NEVER going to admit your problems, clearly, and you are NEVER going to accept how much your anxiety poisoned me for so many years.

And to be honest... you can't 100% blame him no matter what he was like. No matter how awful he was, even he wanted to allow me, at 12 years old, to go out of the fucking house. And yet you WON an argument AGAINST him that resulted in me not being allowed out to play and having to stay indoors. You know how upset I was then. You know how much I wanted to be a normal and sociable kid but your overprotectiveness was so extreme that you wouldn't let me out just because of the tiniest possibility of some random person attacking me.

I could never be normal.