(March 4, 2017 at 9:01 pm)Mamacita Wrote: CIJS...
"I had no idea." I know. I'm pretty good at putting makeup on my situation. Funny. I keep calling it a situation. I don't know what else to call it. Yeah, I'm still the joker in our daily morning huddles and I'm the one to stop by your desks and leave you chocolate kisses. I'm still laughing to myself when you pass by my cubicle on your way to the printer. Only H has noticed the bags under my eyes, the occasional acne, the sudden back and forths in my weight gain and loss, and my hands. There's always my hands. You had no idea. I know that. That was on purpose. You probably don't have a clue that C keeps missing work because she has thyroid cancer, or that R misses work because her daughter cuts herself. H's mother is dying and that would explain why he's always upset. People have lives that don't revolve around you. That you had no idea about the shithole I'm in does not excuse your behavior. You don't treat people like that based on your assumptions that they're ok because they don't seem not ok. You could start off by looking at me while I'm talking instead of typing away and staring at your screen. You won't see me there next time you all hang out, because I want to spare myself and all of you an embarrassing moment that could take place if my "situation" surfaces while we're there, and I'm almost sure it would. Bla bla bla. You should do this. You should do that. This is how you fix it. Nobody gets to tell me how to fix it unless they have sat in my kitchen and listened to my son, or even me. No, you don't know better. All I need is to be treated with respect and as an adult even as I figure this out and not like I'm suddenly unfit to function. Every day as I have a moment to myself after work I picture throwing myself off a bridge. I picture myself hanging from a tree. I honestly do. I snap out of it, though, and go through the motions of every day living, because I have responsibilities and I'm not oblivious to them. You will never know this part of things, because it would give you more reasons to look down on me.
You didn't know about stuff. Now you know. Wish you hadn't noticed. I doubt it will change things.
:hugs:
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
