RE: Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...
March 12, 2017 at 1:38 pm
(This post was last modified: March 12, 2017 at 2:09 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
CIJSAIJBH
Slow the fuck down and leave me the fuck alone. How is this not pressuring me?! If you want to show me you care then respect my boundaries and stop with the damn double standards rather than trying to control me and pestering me. I am not going to change my answer so stop making me repeat myself over and over. I live my life my way and you live your life your way okay? Stop trying to make me change for you when I don't try to make you change for me. That isn't love. Love is wanting me to have what I want for myself just as I want you to have what you want for yourself. Wanting me to live my life your way is not what I call love. It's what I call being a control freak.
If you want me to pay more attention to you then you are going exactly the opposite way about it than you ought to. I don't want a fake display of you pretending to change your ways and then giving up when I don't change mine. Just be yourself. I'm tired of the fakery. When you temporarily stop bothering me you're supposed to do that out of genuine respect for me and my wishes... you're not supposed to do it temporarily to try and change my behavior and then when I am still not ready yet you can say "See it doesn't make a difference."
The whole point of generosity and compassion is to give and to care for its own sake. Not to get something back in return. Be authentic and stop being manipulative or fuck off.
D.N.A. doesn't mean a thing and as far as upbringing is considered... you certainly fucked that up. Even the worst people I've ever known gave me more freedom and less pressure and manipulation and more HONESTY (you know, that word you have such a massive problem with because you have no integrity) than you have even when they were abusing me. Yes even including the bitch. It's no coincidence that my anxiety gets better the less I have to do with you. It's no coincidence that I had my medication reduced and my health improved more the less time I spent around you. I'll accept what you give me because you don't have to give me it you just pretend like you do and to be honest I think that's the very least of what you fucking owe me.
I can't fucking tell you anything because you will never ever admit it when you've done wrong... or even completely mistreated me for years. And yes, I get it, your pride is too high now and that would make you feel guilty for you to ever admit it. You're someone who has shouted at me in anger saying "DON'T MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY!" when I've told you that you've hurt me.... despite the fact that you guilt-trip me all the time. Emotional manipulation is like a religion for you. I am disgusted. Whenever I start to feel better about you you persist in the exact things I say are hurting me and continue to remind me that I'm wrong to start feeling better about you as I'll only set myself up for more manipulation from you. It saddens me so much that you are more interested in the obligations in your head rather than stopping with persistently damaging your relationship with me. I'd rather 10 years of never seeing you than 10 years of you being so incredibly selfish and hurtful and possessive towards someone you're supposed to love.
Have you ever thought that a lot of my learned helplessness was taught to me by your being an utter utter control freak towards me?
Maybe I was born with some issues.... but shouting at me all my life whenever I made a mistake was NOT the best way to help me with those issues. You couldn't have possibly scared me away more from personal growth than you did without getting more physical with me... which you didn't have to because somebody else did. And you never listened to me when I told you about them out of concern for me... you only cared once they became too big of a problem for you. You are destroying any love I ever had for you. I don't care who you are because you're still a selfish manipulative bitch and it seems to me you always have been and you just brainwashed me by keeping me in a bubble.
Slow the fuck down and leave me the fuck alone. How is this not pressuring me?! If you want to show me you care then respect my boundaries and stop with the damn double standards rather than trying to control me and pestering me. I am not going to change my answer so stop making me repeat myself over and over. I live my life my way and you live your life your way okay? Stop trying to make me change for you when I don't try to make you change for me. That isn't love. Love is wanting me to have what I want for myself just as I want you to have what you want for yourself. Wanting me to live my life your way is not what I call love. It's what I call being a control freak.
If you want me to pay more attention to you then you are going exactly the opposite way about it than you ought to. I don't want a fake display of you pretending to change your ways and then giving up when I don't change mine. Just be yourself. I'm tired of the fakery. When you temporarily stop bothering me you're supposed to do that out of genuine respect for me and my wishes... you're not supposed to do it temporarily to try and change my behavior and then when I am still not ready yet you can say "See it doesn't make a difference."
The whole point of generosity and compassion is to give and to care for its own sake. Not to get something back in return. Be authentic and stop being manipulative or fuck off.
D.N.A. doesn't mean a thing and as far as upbringing is considered... you certainly fucked that up. Even the worst people I've ever known gave me more freedom and less pressure and manipulation and more HONESTY (you know, that word you have such a massive problem with because you have no integrity) than you have even when they were abusing me. Yes even including the bitch. It's no coincidence that my anxiety gets better the less I have to do with you. It's no coincidence that I had my medication reduced and my health improved more the less time I spent around you. I'll accept what you give me because you don't have to give me it you just pretend like you do and to be honest I think that's the very least of what you fucking owe me.
I can't fucking tell you anything because you will never ever admit it when you've done wrong... or even completely mistreated me for years. And yes, I get it, your pride is too high now and that would make you feel guilty for you to ever admit it. You're someone who has shouted at me in anger saying "DON'T MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY!" when I've told you that you've hurt me.... despite the fact that you guilt-trip me all the time. Emotional manipulation is like a religion for you. I am disgusted. Whenever I start to feel better about you you persist in the exact things I say are hurting me and continue to remind me that I'm wrong to start feeling better about you as I'll only set myself up for more manipulation from you. It saddens me so much that you are more interested in the obligations in your head rather than stopping with persistently damaging your relationship with me. I'd rather 10 years of never seeing you than 10 years of you being so incredibly selfish and hurtful and possessive towards someone you're supposed to love.
Have you ever thought that a lot of my learned helplessness was taught to me by your being an utter utter control freak towards me?
Maybe I was born with some issues.... but shouting at me all my life whenever I made a mistake was NOT the best way to help me with those issues. You couldn't have possibly scared me away more from personal growth than you did without getting more physical with me... which you didn't have to because somebody else did. And you never listened to me when I told you about them out of concern for me... you only cared once they became too big of a problem for you. You are destroying any love I ever had for you. I don't care who you are because you're still a selfish manipulative bitch and it seems to me you always have been and you just brainwashed me by keeping me in a bubble.
