CJIS - Please...please...please...remember we're in different time zones. When you text me at 6am your time, it's 5am my time. Intended to sleep in this morning, but that kinda didn't work out after that text...
That said at the woman who just wanted one to ship her kids off to. And so glad it's not just me thinking it seems crazy to use that/have noticed people doing so. And Wednesday burning down the camp...I regret I have but one Kudos to give that gif.
Muaww I love you too. It's been my honor to know you and be your friend! You're one person in this world whom I would like to follow their story to the last chapters (imagining Ivy as an old lady, shrugs, "she'd still be hot" lmao "and my bestie")
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You seem human to me. And I mean that in a good way; you're smart, funny, and not sounding insane there. Like Valkyrie said, I think many of us have been there.
(May 28, 2017 at 12:45 am)Luckie Wrote: Oh I've been seeing those around too! First year as an atheist to notice them, and when one lady asked for a church Summer Bible Camp referral (Not even a request for a good or interesting one, just somewhere to ship off), this is all I saw in my minds eye:No kids here, but totally agree with your rant that you apologized for and didn't consider it such. There are people I know who inspire me with the love they have for their kids, and then their exes only care about using them as a weapon to hurt them.
I could think of a million billion better things those kids could do. I personally wouldn't let the safety of my child be put at risk like that--and plus, if you love your kids and love life, then love life with your kids! Kids get to do the funnest things.. and you can too if you just go with!
*sorry for the rant, my Ex brother in law told my niece he didn't want to go to the zoo with her and her brother and his girlfriend/her baby.. because "He doesn't like the zoo".
Some people don't deserve kids. #justsayin
That said at the woman who just wanted one to ship her kids off to. And so glad it's not just me thinking it seems crazy to use that/have noticed people doing so. And Wednesday burning down the camp...I regret I have but one Kudos to give that gif.
Muaww I love you too. It's been my honor to know you and be your friend! You're one person in this world whom I would like to follow their story to the last chapters (imagining Ivy as an old lady, shrugs, "she'd still be hot" lmao "and my bestie")
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(May 28, 2017 at 8:07 pm)J a c k Wrote: CIJS?
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Not just in a funny way of saying it. No. I think perhaps I lost all sense of normalcy sometime in the last four years and I have learned to live in paranoia, fear, exhaustion, phases of carelessness, highs, lows, hiding, complying, actually having fun in the middle of it all, day dreaming of death, knowing I'd never do it, sabotage, guilt, pity, and wondering...
Maybe I'm exaggerating? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm seeing things. Maybe I'm harsh. Maybe I'm delusional. Then I see the evidence. Texts. People remembering. Pictures. I'm not exaggerating. Right? I have reasons to feel this way. But then... why doesn't it stop? Why don't I do something more to help myself? So, I'm a fool. An idiot. A crazy person who died four years ago and has been laughing at jokes, drinking a beer, enjoying flan, walking around slow motion. If you zoom in, there are shadows lingering. I'm waving and high fiving while in my bruised head I'm wondering... will my heart stop in the next minutes? Please? It won't, because I'm a strong but weak person. I fail in normal. Normal is not keen to me. I have nornalized the lack of commitment to joy. I'm a fraud. I laugh out loud at dinner like an emoji on a screen. It's not flesh. My heart skips a beat when something is beautiful, but it skips days and years because I'm a coward. A coward. A fucken coward.
I'll take my meds and continue my treatment, because I refuse to waste another decade. I'll see my psychiatrist, therapist and primary doctor, because they say I can get better. I'll keep getting help. But can I just say? I think they're not aware that I'm not just bruised. I'm dismembered. I'm shattered glass that will never forgive the cracks even with glue. No amount of paint will make this paper wall become concrete. Whatever.
Then I think maybe I'm not crazy... I'm just experiencing side effects. Stop, Jack. Just stop.
You seem human to me. And I mean that in a good way; you're smart, funny, and not sounding insane there. Like Valkyrie said, I think many of us have been there.