Can I just say and I'm just being honest...
I was sitting at the bar. I know what you're thinking. Oh, Ivy at the bar. What's new? Bare with me. When I sit at the bar all by myself, I have a ritual. I like to put my earphones on, don't even listen to music, my glasses, ask about their IPAs, pick one, remember the person who introduced me to them, then I people watch discretely. Humans are interesting and fun to watch. You always have the first couple of dates couple. The girl with her girly pink drink and the dude with his beer. Body language can be anything between mutual interest, to fuck... tinder fucked up my night again. This time it's Tinder fucking up again. The chick is stiffly sitting there stirring her drink and only contributing yes or no answers. She's nicely dressed, high maintenance type, caked makeup and pouty lips. The dude is wearing tube sweat pants and keeps fidgeting with his napkin. Well, tiny pieces of what was once his napkin.
Shot guy shows up. There's always a shot guy. Shot guy is the man who shows up, sits near people, and starts a conversation by buying everyone around him a shot. He'll buy you two if he has to. He gets to talk for a while, until said people have to leave. He then scoots a few chairs down and buys other people shots. This one is talking about Dave Chappel and how he's happy "he's back", but hopes he doesn't talk about Trump again. That's not buying him many new friends.
Then there's the tough, rough, inked bearded dude. Sits down and grunts like,"Gaaar." Lol or something like that. The bartender is a dorky looking, sassy, very fast paced woman in her mid thirties. She's waiting for him to pick a beer. Dude studies the beer list on the wall. "Let's see. Uh..........
......
.....
you know what.... just give me a buh-light."
Bartender swiftly brings back a Bud. I wonder what she's thinking.
There are two girls sitting at the corner. They're talking teacher stuff. They seem nice. They have a short conversation with shot guy.
The brown man two chairs down from me says to me, "Are we the only brown people here?"
"Si."
He laughs.
"Somos los unicos que no somos blancos aqui?"
I laugh. "Yes."
He laughs more. "So, my name is Rigo."
I remember an AF thread. Shit. Lol "Hi, Rigo. I'm Jack." I said Jack.
He smiled and continued to drink his beer. I said no more. I could say my real name, but a dude who ignores earphones does not get to know my real name. Whether he now thinks I'm actually a dude, or he noticed I began to scroll on my phone immediately after the introduction, is not important.
There's a badass mural at the other side of the bar. I'll post a picture later. I forgot to take one, but I'm going back today. I like familiar places. It's a heretic mural with a virgin saint type lady drinking a beer and wearing lipstick. It has some words at the bottom. I read them out loud to myself, "In hops we trust."
There's three humans to my other side. Two girls, one dude. One of the girls looks at me and says, "What do you think of the mural?"
"It's heretic. Blasphemous. I love it."
We then talked about all the things we could add to it. The saint lady could have beer coming out of a latched breast pump. One of the cacti could have a dick head with malty beer coming out. It gets better and Spanish speaking guy joins in. My people watch has officially been interrupted, but it's ok this time. Sometimes I like humans up close.
Something is going on in Slack. Lady is there. Steel is there. Jelloh is being blasphemous. I wish there was a virtual bar where I could sit with them and drink and talk and just hang out with slack people.
I get another beer. Then something happened. A second shot guy walks in. In all my years of bar human watching, I had never seen this. He sits next to tough guy that drinks buh-light and starts chatting. Offers a shot and doesn't wait for him to accept. Tough guy seems annoyed. Shot guy #1 calls out, "You're a Chargers fan!" Shot guy #2 is wearing an incriminating hat. They start talking across the bar until shot guy #2 gets up, walks over to shot guy #1 and sits down with him.
My heart filled up with shot guy content. Shot guys are people, too. They need the love.
The humans next to me asked me what I'm doing in town and we might be having beers again next time I'm here. I now have to introduce myself like this, "I'm Ivy, but some friends call me Jack." Brown guy laughs and shakes his head. I have to go and forget to buy a glass for my collection. I sit in my car letting the heat reach my bones.
Why do I do this over and over again? I'm part of a human habit. A human system. It's how things work. There will always be a shot guy. Always a tough dude drinking a weak beer. Always a couple on a first or second date. Always a dude trying to pick up girls. Always a favorite bartender. Always an older interesting couple. Always a creep.
I'm the creep.
I can't take that away from people. Someone is always watching and they hope they spot my kind. I will never let them down.
You're welcome.
#creeptales
I was sitting at the bar. I know what you're thinking. Oh, Ivy at the bar. What's new? Bare with me. When I sit at the bar all by myself, I have a ritual. I like to put my earphones on, don't even listen to music, my glasses, ask about their IPAs, pick one, remember the person who introduced me to them, then I people watch discretely. Humans are interesting and fun to watch. You always have the first couple of dates couple. The girl with her girly pink drink and the dude with his beer. Body language can be anything between mutual interest, to fuck... tinder fucked up my night again. This time it's Tinder fucking up again. The chick is stiffly sitting there stirring her drink and only contributing yes or no answers. She's nicely dressed, high maintenance type, caked makeup and pouty lips. The dude is wearing tube sweat pants and keeps fidgeting with his napkin. Well, tiny pieces of what was once his napkin.
Shot guy shows up. There's always a shot guy. Shot guy is the man who shows up, sits near people, and starts a conversation by buying everyone around him a shot. He'll buy you two if he has to. He gets to talk for a while, until said people have to leave. He then scoots a few chairs down and buys other people shots. This one is talking about Dave Chappel and how he's happy "he's back", but hopes he doesn't talk about Trump again. That's not buying him many new friends.
Then there's the tough, rough, inked bearded dude. Sits down and grunts like,"Gaaar." Lol or something like that. The bartender is a dorky looking, sassy, very fast paced woman in her mid thirties. She's waiting for him to pick a beer. Dude studies the beer list on the wall. "Let's see. Uh..........
......
.....
you know what.... just give me a buh-light."
Bartender swiftly brings back a Bud. I wonder what she's thinking.
There are two girls sitting at the corner. They're talking teacher stuff. They seem nice. They have a short conversation with shot guy.
The brown man two chairs down from me says to me, "Are we the only brown people here?"
"Si."
He laughs.
"Somos los unicos que no somos blancos aqui?"
I laugh. "Yes."
He laughs more. "So, my name is Rigo."
I remember an AF thread. Shit. Lol "Hi, Rigo. I'm Jack." I said Jack.
He smiled and continued to drink his beer. I said no more. I could say my real name, but a dude who ignores earphones does not get to know my real name. Whether he now thinks I'm actually a dude, or he noticed I began to scroll on my phone immediately after the introduction, is not important.
There's a badass mural at the other side of the bar. I'll post a picture later. I forgot to take one, but I'm going back today. I like familiar places. It's a heretic mural with a virgin saint type lady drinking a beer and wearing lipstick. It has some words at the bottom. I read them out loud to myself, "In hops we trust."
There's three humans to my other side. Two girls, one dude. One of the girls looks at me and says, "What do you think of the mural?"
"It's heretic. Blasphemous. I love it."
We then talked about all the things we could add to it. The saint lady could have beer coming out of a latched breast pump. One of the cacti could have a dick head with malty beer coming out. It gets better and Spanish speaking guy joins in. My people watch has officially been interrupted, but it's ok this time. Sometimes I like humans up close.
Something is going on in Slack. Lady is there. Steel is there. Jelloh is being blasphemous. I wish there was a virtual bar where I could sit with them and drink and talk and just hang out with slack people.
I get another beer. Then something happened. A second shot guy walks in. In all my years of bar human watching, I had never seen this. He sits next to tough guy that drinks buh-light and starts chatting. Offers a shot and doesn't wait for him to accept. Tough guy seems annoyed. Shot guy #1 calls out, "You're a Chargers fan!" Shot guy #2 is wearing an incriminating hat. They start talking across the bar until shot guy #2 gets up, walks over to shot guy #1 and sits down with him.
My heart filled up with shot guy content. Shot guys are people, too. They need the love.
The humans next to me asked me what I'm doing in town and we might be having beers again next time I'm here. I now have to introduce myself like this, "I'm Ivy, but some friends call me Jack." Brown guy laughs and shakes his head. I have to go and forget to buy a glass for my collection. I sit in my car letting the heat reach my bones.
Why do I do this over and over again? I'm part of a human habit. A human system. It's how things work. There will always be a shot guy. Always a tough dude drinking a weak beer. Always a couple on a first or second date. Always a dude trying to pick up girls. Always a favorite bartender. Always an older interesting couple. Always a creep.
I'm the creep.
I can't take that away from people. Someone is always watching and they hope they spot my kind. I will never let them down.
You're welcome.
#creeptales
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
