Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...

[J a c k]

One more thing...

To all of you. Not just that one. ALL of you. Don’t mistake my awkwardness with weakness. I’m far greater than I ever tell.

Don’t think you’re throwing bones at me. I don’t need them. After everything I’ve managed to kill inside me, and everything I’ve created, you want to come here and act like I fucken need your approval. Bitch, I done it. Ship has sailed, mama. I got it! When I get to that finish line you’ll be there thinking it was thanks to you, but you did not grow up being me. You did not have to kill a fucken preacher in your head to live every minute of my life. You did not have to convince yourself every fucken day that no! They’re lying! You’re not destined to hell, and the god did not make you just to send you there. You did not have to get up, get healthy, and learn to trust humans again and again after humans left you to die again and again and then other humans told you it was your fucken sin! And you did not spend a decade hearing what an ugly and stupid shit you are the way I did, resonating with everything you ever learned your whole entire fucken life. Two fucken years I’ve been free and during those two years I was attacked, followed, broken into (broken into!), and harassed, yet look at me now! Look at me! I survived that shit and I’m at the best place of my entire life and when I fucken say I can do this shit, shut the fuck up and let me do it! I can handle my business. I don’t want to impress you. I impress myself every single fucken day. Don’t treat me like I’m broken without your hand to rebuild me. You’re showing up when I’m putting up the last brick and want to pretend I fucken neeeeeed you? Get outta here. I’m whole as fuck and I don’t need condescending people, no controlling people, nobody to lead me down this path I paved my fucken self.

And don’t wink at me when I get something right. I might fuck up a lot, but that’s only because I live my life intensly, deeply, profoundly and I take matters into my own hands. I don’t wait. I jump. So for every fuck up you see, I’m counting many many more triumphs. The greatest of them being that I’m actually taking leaps. I rather fall because I jumped than sit around watching others live and criticize.

Get it right, yo. This... THIS. This might not look like a lot to you yet, but I see the bigger picture. If after everything that was beaten into my head since I was six, if after everything I left behind, I’ve gotten this far in two years... I’m one helluva woman and I’ll climb way higher and your little condescending smile and nod can go fuck themselves.