CIJS
I’m seriously considering that I have morphed into a robot.
I know that missing people is real, because I’ve felt it before. I know what pain is like. I understand the fear of seeing someone leave. I’ve said so many goodbyes.
Thing is... I’m in a strange place right now. It’s like I’m standing there and I’m just closing doors left and right and feeling nothing. I keep thinking it will hurt when it sinks in, but it doesn’t. Meh. I can enjoy spending time with someone and feel that I care about them, but then when I feel suffocated, I close the door and it’s great. Not even just lacking in sadness. I actually feel great. Ah. Alone at last. Ah. Silence. So nice. I do remember the last romantic goodbye that hurt... but was it that damaging that this is what’s left? Really? Nah. Can’t be due to that. Could it be that I grew up moving around so much and then as an adult the pattern persisted, causing me to at some point become absolutely numb? I’m thinking this could be true. I’m trying to give in, because perhaps a person deserves feelings, but I feel like I keep going through the motions and at the end, as great as it seems, I’ll end up breaking it and walking away with zero scratches. And IPAs still mean what they did before, no matter how many beer drinkers. Why can’t they have a new face? That's not even funny, though. I mean... come the fuck on!
So a movie then. Cool. Don’t lean your head on my shoulder just so you can read what I’m reading. I feel suffocated. And I need a week off. I can’t listen to myself think with so much... you.
I know. I sound like a selfish asshole. And I am, though! On paper what everyone else has seems so nice and I think I want it, but then when I do it suffocates me to the point where I don’t even feel bad about leaving.
I miss hurting for her. It’s been so long.
I’m seriously considering that I have morphed into a robot.
I know that missing people is real, because I’ve felt it before. I know what pain is like. I understand the fear of seeing someone leave. I’ve said so many goodbyes.
Thing is... I’m in a strange place right now. It’s like I’m standing there and I’m just closing doors left and right and feeling nothing. I keep thinking it will hurt when it sinks in, but it doesn’t. Meh. I can enjoy spending time with someone and feel that I care about them, but then when I feel suffocated, I close the door and it’s great. Not even just lacking in sadness. I actually feel great. Ah. Alone at last. Ah. Silence. So nice. I do remember the last romantic goodbye that hurt... but was it that damaging that this is what’s left? Really? Nah. Can’t be due to that. Could it be that I grew up moving around so much and then as an adult the pattern persisted, causing me to at some point become absolutely numb? I’m thinking this could be true. I’m trying to give in, because perhaps a person deserves feelings, but I feel like I keep going through the motions and at the end, as great as it seems, I’ll end up breaking it and walking away with zero scratches. And IPAs still mean what they did before, no matter how many beer drinkers. Why can’t they have a new face? That's not even funny, though. I mean... come the fuck on!
So a movie then. Cool. Don’t lean your head on my shoulder just so you can read what I’m reading. I feel suffocated. And I need a week off. I can’t listen to myself think with so much... you.
I know. I sound like a selfish asshole. And I am, though! On paper what everyone else has seems so nice and I think I want it, but then when I do it suffocates me to the point where I don’t even feel bad about leaving.
I miss hurting for her. It’s been so long.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian