(October 10, 2018 at 2:11 am)Kernel Sohcahtoa Wrote:(October 10, 2018 at 1:58 am)KevinM1 Wrote: CIJS -
I'm pretty sure I'm becoming anti-social IRL. It's not that I hate other people outright (although I have increasingly less patience dealing with them), but rather that the effort needed to actually be engaging and personable doesn't seem worth it. It's just draining.
I understand and appreciate this post: as a retail manager, I find that interacting with the people who come in our store, whether they be customers or employees, is very draining. As a result, I value my private time where I can just be myself and not have to worry about editing my language/ideas for the sake of being engaging and personable to others.
For me, it's a combination of a couple things.
First, I've always been introverted IRL. Where a lot of people feel energized by social engagements, or at least consider them somewhat fun, I've always found them stressful. I abhor small talk, and, frankly, don't really know how to 'make conversation' because it feels so fake and forced. I do my best at it, to spew out what unimportant bullshit I think they want to hear, but it definitely doesn't come natural to me. I feel like I'm a one-man show, up on stage and performing for those around me. Essentially, on-demand lying.
Second, my beliefs, interests, and passions are completely different than almost everyone else I know. They're not that way out of any kind of misguided sense of rebellion or individuality, but simply makes the most sense to me. I'm the only atheist I know IRL. I'm pretty politically liberal (by US standards), whereas most people I know are moderate to conservative. I enjoy various sports (American football, baseball, hockey, etc.), but find that most people who consider themselves fans don't know jack shit about what they're trying to talk about. I'm pretty nerdy, but outside of two other people, no one else is even close. I don't care about cars (I can't drive, so why would I?). I don't care about guns. I'm picky about what music/TV/movies/books I consume. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, etc., so the things that other people do to 'loosen up and have fun' are anathema to me.
So, for the sake of social cohesion, I play a role for a few hours. I get nothing out of it, outside of stress and fatigue.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"