(June 20, 2021 at 10:35 pm)Belacqua Wrote:(June 20, 2021 at 10:06 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: None of those things have a thing to do with morality until the child is old enough to make actual decisions regarding their moral decisions.
Every parent has encountered the biter. That kid at daycare who is always biting other kids...I think it's out of frustration and they haven't been guided into dealing with that frustration. But that's not a moral shortcoming either. That kid has to be taught it's not acceptable to bite/hit/scratch the other kids.
Yes, this makes a lot of sense. Early on there is behavior which may look moral or immoral, but is simply some practical thing they've learned (or not learned) to get the result they want. They refrain from punching their brother not because it's moral, but because Dad will give him a time out.
I suppose cynics will say that even grown-ups only behave themselves for practical reasons. They refrain from murder to avoid prison, not because it is immoral to kill.
I had three siblings and one of the earliest moral-like things I picked up was "being fair." If our slices of birthday cake weren't all exactly the same size, we would yell about it. And I'm thinking this started pretty early. It's selfish (I might not have yelled if my sister's cake were smaller) but it's certainly rooted in thinking about what's right and wrong.
Do you recall about what age your kids showed this kind of behavior? -- But Mom it's not fair!
My kids are a few years apart in age with the older two being almost exactly four years apart and the youngest coming along five years later. So they were always at very different stages of development. It was more of an issue when this one wanted to know why that one had a later curfew when in early high school and things like that.
But, I have seen it play out in a sister-in-law who never got over it. She would figure out to the penny how much my in-laws (her parents) spent on a gift for one of us or one of the grandkids and if she felt shortchanged would actually ask for cash for the difference. I was embarrassed for her.
My middle one is like that in that she is determined the youngest (my son) got so much more than she did. But this started when she was already on her own. She would come to the house when he was in high school and go through his closet to see if he had gotten new clothes or shoes recently. It's in her nature to think that she isn't being treated equally, though she is. We get that about her and just roll our eyes now.
My sister, brother, and I are about the same age spread. We were too far apart in age to be battling about what was equal. And there was a big difference in who got what....I was the child of a college student and a high school dropout and by the time my brother started school, dad owned his own successful veterinary practice and our whole economic status was different. To give you an idea...one Christmas I got a portable black and white TV. By portable, I mean that it actually had a handle on top to carry it with. My sister got a piano and my brother got a snowmobile. So I was/and am the poor child of a college student and my siblings are the kids of a professional man with a successful business...and it will always be so.
“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” — Confucius