Shackled by religion

[GorGor1994]

Warning massive wall of text incoming

I feel like I'm a prisoner of my parents' religion, I have secretly been doubting my religion (Islam) since I was a 12 year old, and denounced it completely by the time I was 15.

Now I'm 18 and to this day there is no single person in my family (our household and extended family) that suspects anything. I do as they do and do as my parents tell me to, including prayers, going to the mosque and memorizing verses from the Qur'an, those things are not too bad but what has been bothering me is the fact that this flawed religion combined with my parents' (and most of the people from my country's) GINORMOUS ignorance of both science, their own religion and the terrible things both my parents have gone through in their life has had a negative impact on my life for as far as I can remember.

I have little to no friends left as I've been estranged from them since I was 14, I'm not allowed to visit friends as my mother fears they will offer me drugs (she believes all young non muslim males do drugs) or influence me in any other way Islam can not accept. I have heard my mother openly (and in front of me) discussing marriage plans with my grandmother and she has even suggested some cousins.. These girls are mostly uneducated, will not understand a word I say and were only raised to clean and cook for some man in the near future. I'm looking forward to spending my life with one of those! *sarcasm*

To make matters worse I've been madly in love with a girl for three years now and she feels the same, the only reason I have refused to start a relationship or anything that hints we are involved with eachother is because I fear for her - and my safety.

I've heard my mother stress enough times that the day I questioned Islam -be it through my actions or otherwise - would be the day my entire family would shun me (if I am lucky). The other option is having either me or the girl I mentioned earlier being hurt, or worse murdered. These are not only things I hear in the news, I've heard such tragic events being discussed casually by my aunts and uncles with my mother.

Since I'm lucky I live in the free west now there will be plenty of ways for me to prevent coming to such a tragic end, but being shunned or disowned is perfectly legal.

I have decided that the best moment to tell them is when I've finished my education and landed a job to protect my future. Especially since I just graduated with great results and am about to study software engineering at the local university of applied sciences next year, something I do NOT want to be influenced negatively by my problems. The thing is I can not imagine living a life without my dear younger brother whom I love a lot, or coping with the guilt of (in a sense) abandoning them after they went through so much to raise me.

/discuss

[Annik]

Yes, wait until you're on your own. I'm terribly sorry for your circumstances, but hopefully you (and the girl of your dreams) can escape together and start a life that's true to your personal ideals. Best of luck in your future.

[Faith No More]

If you are really worried about alienating your brother, I would tell him first, so he can get the actual story instead your parents' spin on it. Let him know that not believing does not make you a bad person.

And yes, avoid telling your parents until you are self-sufficient. Parents can be quite vindictive when it comes to their children not having the same religious beliefs.

[Minimalist]

Your family sound like first-class assholes. There is nothing you can do about them. They seem to be happy being assholes. When you can, get as far away as possible.

Unfortunately, as Voltaire said....."Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." This bunch seems quite capable of that.

[GorGor1994]

Your family sound like first-class assholes. There is nothing you can do about them. They seem to be happy being assholes. When you can, get as far away as possible.

Unfortunately, as Voltaire said....."Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." This bunch seems quite capable of that.

True.. Though I wonder to which extent they enforce their law in the west, as the cases I've heard of were from back where my parents came from.

I would not call my family first-class assholes, even with all that I've gone through it appears that a lot of people are very suspectible for indoctrination and in my mother's case her being fanatically religious seems understandable as it's been flung at her ever since she could vaguely understand what people were talking about.

And something else that is very worrying is that there must be millions out there who just pretend to be Muslim for their own well being. Millions of lives wasted living by ideals you do not believe in.

[jackman]

If you are really worried about alienating your brother, I would tell him first, so he can get the actual story instead your parents' spin on it. Let him know that not believing does not make you a bad person.

you're batting 1.000 fnm. good stuff.

[Minimalist]

I would not call my family first-class assholes, even with all that I've gone through it appears that a lot of people are very suspectible for indoctrination and in my mother's case her being fanatically religious seems understandable as it's been flung at her ever since she could vaguely understand what people were talking about.

I know you won't ( or can't.) That's why I helped you out.

[Mystic]

Hmm...I thought of keeping it secret from my parents, but really my parents are great, and they still love me and respect me, despite my decision, and I thought I should be honest to them.

You know your parents well enough. I would still treat them with kindness. As you know, most of the world is indoctrinated and it's really not entirely their fault. Try to forbear them, don't be to upset, and appreciate their good towards you.

[dogman13]

I really understand the position you are in. I was raised catholic and betweern my step father and the nuns I was beat enougth times to say this is not for me.

[Chemelonique]

I can empathize with you Gor. I understand the position that you are in. I'm a 20 year old ex-Muslim myself and I also have not told my family or my closest friends that I am an atheist. I think eventually I will have to tell them though. For example, under Islam a woman has to marry a Muslim man. I cannot see myself marrying a Muslim man. So I imagine my parents meeting the guy I want to marry and not liking him because he's not Muslim. Lol at that point I am going to have to tell them. I would definitely wait until you are financially independent and have a place to go if things don't work out well when you tell them. When you tell them sit them down and explain respectfully and honestly why you decided to become an atheist.