Light in the Abyss
July 24, 2013 at 12:08 am
(This post was last modified: July 24, 2013 at 12:26 am by bladevalant546.)
I am not the best writer ever. However, I felt compelled to write a short story of my point of de-conversion. So enjoy
.
I found myself staring into a dark abyss, one that I fought since I first began to reason. Knowing I had been near the abyss before, I asked myself, “why am I here?” I was confident the Light would help me find my way. I did what came naturally, I knelt and prayed. I prayed to hear the familiar voice call me home; a voice to silence the loud mob in my head. All of which petitioned my thoughts to reconsider the chains that bind my soul. The weight of my beliefs kept my knees bent. I relied so long on that small still voice for strength and now that I face this abyss alone, and my strength wanes. I hold tightly to my head as if my mind would leap out ahead of my body. Thoughts and images of suffering, questions unanswered, and fragile truths shattered by the actions of those who forged them.
In front of me I see the armor that I donned and the sword that I wielded. I mastered these weapons given to me by my lord. With them I was instructed to protect and fight for his truthand protect those that I loved and those who could not protect themselves. I was given a promise that I would be carried and supported with power beyond natural limits; a Light that would blind even the darkest of foes, and perplex and astonish even the most intellectual. I heard his voice then; it was loud and clear. My heart knew the truth and with those weapons and armor I could fight anything. I pick up my former sword with sorrow I simply notice the fragile truth. The truth that sword was merely made of glass. While it was sharp and could easily tear into flesh of any unarmored or unprepared foe, it would shatter and break against the real revelation of truth. In the remains, I simply see the reflection of myself. My soul shattered and the feeling of hopelessness and betrayal sweep me. I simply weep, not knowing what to do.
“Please, give me strength give me the truth!” I pleaded outloud. “Please, I need to hear you.” I screamed out in a trembling voice. I looked up and for the first time, I was alone....and I felt alone. The voice was gone and the other voices were also silent. I could see nothing around me; the light that once illuminated my path was gone. As the nature of darkness in the absence of light. I was swallowed by the abyss. There I alone could hear my cries and pleas; my desperate bargaining as I just sat there gripping my broken sword out of fear. “I know the truth. This is simply just another fight with the enemy.” I told myself, repeating the same assurances that have always worked. I quickly stood up and raised my broken blade. I cried out in anger, “Come on....you demon! I know you there! You want me to give up!” My words rang into the darkness with no reply. “Come on you coward, I will not yield!” I swung this time violently in the darkness, but only emptiness tasted my blade. My words were void, meaningless here. I knew this was the end of me. I would be trapped in this abyss. I swung until I could no long swing anymore. “Where are you?,” I cried into the void above. “Why have you abandoned me?” I simply fell to my knees. My legs no longer granted me the permission to carry myself. My mind took my soul hostage in the prison of my perception. It showed me something, a hidden truth. It spoke to me, only this time it was that familiar voice. “Lord?” I asked like a scared child looking for his father.
“No,” was all it said. It dawned on me; the warm voice was only myself. A self-made world I created to make sense of all that I feared. Now I am trapped in this world prison I created for myself. With empty fury I grip my sword tightly. Tears run down my face, “If I am alone, then what purpose do I have to fight?” I look down at my sword; the vain, shattered blade gives no comfort beyond the poetic love it once spoke and fierce service it brought in combat. I raise my hand high in the air and with swift determination I throw what purpose I had left. I heard no impact, it simple vanishes. I bury my head in my hands, I weep not for the truth I lost, but for the prison I am now trapped in. “A waste....and now I will vanish in my own hell.” As I finally open my eyes, I see a simply light in the far distance. It gives me warmth like I have never felt before. I wipe the tears from my eyes and stumble to the light. It is bright; so bright my eyes are screaming for me to look away. My curiosity pushes me forward. I peek through, “This is beautiful...” It’s the night sky, even the darkness of the night felt like light compared to the hell I was in.I simply tore open the barrier and there before me I was welcomed. Not into a cold abyss, but reality.....truth.
My girl friend is improving it, so I will post an updated one. However this is a decent rough draft.
.I found myself staring into a dark abyss, one that I fought since I first began to reason. Knowing I had been near the abyss before, I asked myself, “why am I here?” I was confident the Light would help me find my way. I did what came naturally, I knelt and prayed. I prayed to hear the familiar voice call me home; a voice to silence the loud mob in my head. All of which petitioned my thoughts to reconsider the chains that bind my soul. The weight of my beliefs kept my knees bent. I relied so long on that small still voice for strength and now that I face this abyss alone, and my strength wanes. I hold tightly to my head as if my mind would leap out ahead of my body. Thoughts and images of suffering, questions unanswered, and fragile truths shattered by the actions of those who forged them.
In front of me I see the armor that I donned and the sword that I wielded. I mastered these weapons given to me by my lord. With them I was instructed to protect and fight for his truthand protect those that I loved and those who could not protect themselves. I was given a promise that I would be carried and supported with power beyond natural limits; a Light that would blind even the darkest of foes, and perplex and astonish even the most intellectual. I heard his voice then; it was loud and clear. My heart knew the truth and with those weapons and armor I could fight anything. I pick up my former sword with sorrow I simply notice the fragile truth. The truth that sword was merely made of glass. While it was sharp and could easily tear into flesh of any unarmored or unprepared foe, it would shatter and break against the real revelation of truth. In the remains, I simply see the reflection of myself. My soul shattered and the feeling of hopelessness and betrayal sweep me. I simply weep, not knowing what to do.
“Please, give me strength give me the truth!” I pleaded outloud. “Please, I need to hear you.” I screamed out in a trembling voice. I looked up and for the first time, I was alone....and I felt alone. The voice was gone and the other voices were also silent. I could see nothing around me; the light that once illuminated my path was gone. As the nature of darkness in the absence of light. I was swallowed by the abyss. There I alone could hear my cries and pleas; my desperate bargaining as I just sat there gripping my broken sword out of fear. “I know the truth. This is simply just another fight with the enemy.” I told myself, repeating the same assurances that have always worked. I quickly stood up and raised my broken blade. I cried out in anger, “Come on....you demon! I know you there! You want me to give up!” My words rang into the darkness with no reply. “Come on you coward, I will not yield!” I swung this time violently in the darkness, but only emptiness tasted my blade. My words were void, meaningless here. I knew this was the end of me. I would be trapped in this abyss. I swung until I could no long swing anymore. “Where are you?,” I cried into the void above. “Why have you abandoned me?” I simply fell to my knees. My legs no longer granted me the permission to carry myself. My mind took my soul hostage in the prison of my perception. It showed me something, a hidden truth. It spoke to me, only this time it was that familiar voice. “Lord?” I asked like a scared child looking for his father.
“No,” was all it said. It dawned on me; the warm voice was only myself. A self-made world I created to make sense of all that I feared. Now I am trapped in this world prison I created for myself. With empty fury I grip my sword tightly. Tears run down my face, “If I am alone, then what purpose do I have to fight?” I look down at my sword; the vain, shattered blade gives no comfort beyond the poetic love it once spoke and fierce service it brought in combat. I raise my hand high in the air and with swift determination I throw what purpose I had left. I heard no impact, it simple vanishes. I bury my head in my hands, I weep not for the truth I lost, but for the prison I am now trapped in. “A waste....and now I will vanish in my own hell.” As I finally open my eyes, I see a simply light in the far distance. It gives me warmth like I have never felt before. I wipe the tears from my eyes and stumble to the light. It is bright; so bright my eyes are screaming for me to look away. My curiosity pushes me forward. I peek through, “This is beautiful...” It’s the night sky, even the darkness of the night felt like light compared to the hell I was in.I simply tore open the barrier and there before me I was welcomed. Not into a cold abyss, but reality.....truth.
My girl friend is improving it, so I will post an updated one. However this is a decent rough draft.
![[Image: grumpy-cat-and-jesus-meme-died-for-sins.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-_GaCN-f8ZFo%2FUNfmimTyf4I%2FAAAAAAAANmk%2FoakT_wL319U%2Fs1600%2Fgrumpy-cat-and-jesus-meme-died-for-sins.jpg)
I would be a televangelist....but I have too much of a soul.
