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Were your parents violent?
#11
RE: Were your parents violent?
Yes, and they still are.

I'm un-learning violence.
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#12
RE: Were your parents violent?
(September 22, 2013 at 2:01 pm)kılıç_mehmet Wrote: Well, I used to get a beating from my old man when I did fuck up real seriously. And well, it could get rough sometimes, but I don't really remember ever having a broken bone.
It is good your dad didn't break your bones, but this seems like a strange standard.
Quote: Children can't be reasoned with most of the time, so it all comes down on actually letting them know that something is bad by administrating some pain from time to time, so that they don't fuck up as I did, and even if they did, they actually know that they did fuck up and apologize, and avoid that kind of behavior in the future.
I'm glad you thought it was good for you, but generally, what do you think it teaches children when those in power lash out angrily at them, even when they have screwed up? What does this do to teach them impulse control or emotional intelligence? My father was beaten as a child (at home and by nuns at school), and he is still so angry and hurt about it that he can't even talk about it without anger and pain after all these years (he's 70 now). And man, does he hate nuns.
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#13
RE: Were your parents violent?
My parents were utterly remarkable people. They had seven children and never struck one of us, at any time, for anything.

My father had a great gift for the more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger speech. He could sit one of us down and explain in great and painful detail how we had let him down, and maybe we didn't appreciate his love enough to try and make him proud of us. Mam had a simpler, but equally effective tactic: 'How would you like your father to see what you've done?' I'd've sooner had a beating, I think.

A few years before the end of his life, I asked Da why he went to all the trouble to lecture us about misbehavior, when all my friends seemed to have gotten a dose of the strap, or a good, old fashioned thumping. I'll never forget what he said:

'I didn't want you kids to grow up like I did. If I beat you to correct your behavior, you'd have gotten the lesson that hurting someone was a way to correct a behavior of which you didn't approve. That, and any man who would hit a child is a contemptible coward.'

Greatest man I've ever known.

Boru

ps: Orogenicman can vouch for the fact that, if you let me, I'll go on and on about Da. Smile
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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#14
RE: Were your parents violent?
TGAC, I'm so sorry you had to live through that. You remind me of my brother.

My parents had difficult up-bringing, so in my opinion, they did the best they could with us. They used the belt, but it's nothing compared to what they lived. What they did that really affected me was the way they shoved religion up our noses and controlled our lives to the core. I mean, let's face it, the fact that I had to escape a fucking Bible Institute after being locked in a room for two months at age 17 pretty much gives it up.

Then there is my brother. My brother now seems angry most of the time. When he speaks he says everything with a temper. He is very intelligent and when he is talking to someone who proves to be very ignorant he gets frustrated and this leads him to express himself with aggressiveness, which others relate to arrogance. He hates kids, except mine. No, really. In fact, on Saturday he came to visit with his wife of 5 years and they told me that they're getting a divorce. His wife wants kids, and he doesn't. He loves my kids, but that's just because they're mine. We are very close. He doesn't even like my sister's kids. Anyway, he was bullied, too. He has Tourette Syndrome and kids found this amusing. I am a year and half older than him, so we went to the same schools most of the time (keep in mind I went to around 20 schools, since my parents moved us around due to the "ministry"). He was bullied in every school. Since I was his older sister, I defended him. I was the tom-boy sister who got in fights all the time to defend him. Most of the time he didn't know I did this, because I didn't want him to feel worse. My parents didn't allow him to defend himself, since he had to give the other cheek. I had to do it, though, because this was the only way they would space out the beatings, spitting, etc. Now, people question why my brother is so aggressive. I was there to see everything, so I get it. That's probably why he makes the exception with me. We get along. My parents feel guilty, too. They have said they're sorry so many times, that now I feel sorry for them.
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
Half Baked

"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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#15
RE: Were your parents violent?
(September 20, 2013 at 10:36 pm)The Germans are coming Wrote:


[Image: i_know_that_feel_bro_by_rober_raik-d4cxn5a.png]

I'll respond in more detail tomorrow. For now though...I've been up for 25 hours after 2 hours of sleep and I'm crashing off the adderall GNIGHT
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#16
RE: Were your parents violent?
mehmet wrote:
Quote:Children can't be reasoned with most of the time, so it all comes down on actually letting them know that something is bad by administrating some pain from time to time, so that they don't fuck up...

Excuse me? I reason with my children. My oldest is seven and my little one is one year and a half. I sit and talk with my oldest and he reasons. He is a great critical thinker in his capabilities. His skills will improve in time, but dude, I'll be there to help him develop those skills to the maximum potential. I have never had the need to inflict pain, and the need does not exist anyway. Need to inflict pain? I love you, so here, hurt! That's fucked up. That's so... godly. My son stands out from other kids, because he tries to reason all the time when there is conflict. He will stand there and discuss the issues in hand. I know many of the other kids that surround him are disciplined physically, and these kids usually resort to screaming, crying, or hitting when they are in conflict with other kids. Yes, my son gets mad, but he problem solves.

Even my baby. He loves to throw tantrums where he hits his own head on the floor when he gets mad. I pick him up, sit him in his high chair, buckle him up, place the little table cover over his lap, and then I sit next to him until he calms down. I do this so he doesn't hurt himself, but he hates it. He wants to play on the floor. So now, when I begin to pick him up, I can feel it in his breath how he starts to settle. He knows he better calm down. When I put him back down he changes his behavior. It doesn't work all the time, but we'll get there.
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
Half Baked

"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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