Poopy Text

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

My biological father was an abusive asshole, too. He died of cancer when I was 8, and it was the best thing that could've happened to me. If only it had happened sooner, maybe I would be less fucked up now. I used to wish every day that he would die slowly and painfully, and then it happened. I felt really guilty about not feeling bad about it at first, but then I realized that he was abusive to every single woman in his life, and the world was better off without him. If I had something to do with his death by wishing for it so hard, then I'm a fucking hero.

[freedomfromforum]

My father was a very bad father in every sense of the term. He only cared about his addictions and his affairs. Imagine the most horrific abuse that a son can be subjected to, and you'll have a pretty good picture of what I personally went through. Not only I, but my siblings and my mother as well; we all endured several years of violent abuse at my father's hand. My mother left him when I was 7. I never spent much time with my father throughout my teens and growing up, and the only occasions we had to meet were on occasions when he would drink a lot of alcohol. He was a hopeless asshole for my entire life. Fast forward to two years ago. Two years ago (when I was still a christian) I initiated a meeting with my father. I was uncertain what to expect since it had been over fifteen years since I had seen him. I thought I may either kill him outright, or who knows what else. I certainly did not expect what I found upon seeing him after so many messed up years and so much pain, loss, and abuse. When I saw my father, I flashed back to an horrific memory of a specific abuse that my father had perpetrated against me (an incidence of cruelty and torture when I was 4), and all at once I would have sworn that Jesus™ had entered the vision of my flashback, and he was actually embracing my father as he tortured me. I was ruined. At the same instant I would have also sworn that I felt Jesus™ holding me in the same manner, and saying to me; "I love you both equally." I was crushed even lower. I had no feelings now for my father other than forgiveness and love. Fast forward again to the present. My father and I have a great relationship. I will say that the first several months were a lot of work, but here's the twist... It was difficult because of the level of prayer needed for me to "maintain" my forgiveness. That, and the constant nagging of "god" in my ears was driving me to have "sinful" thoughts about my father (which were in fact, healthy restorative indicators), and interior life became laborious concerning my new relationship with my father. NOW that I'm an atheist, my relationship with my father is excellent! I no longer have to deal with the schizophrenic voice of god inside my head telling me what to think, and even worse, when those thoughts were sinful. Now I simply get along great with my old man; I wish I'd done it sooner. Thanks to all for sharing, and thanks for reading.

fff

[Something completely different]

I'm a horrible person and going to hell,

no you are not.

so Drich or anyone else, you don't need to tell me that.

If Drich tells you that, simply tell him that he can suck your dick.




I am in the process of finding peace with my parents, which is working out well, since they are sincerely sorry for their actions.

To a great extent I have lost alot of the rage and anger I harbored against them. (4-5 years ago I actualy left them to never see them again).

Feels kind of weird, but most anger and rage I harbor is directed against my worst abusers who are not even in my family and through a somewhat bitter irony I am tied to them through my rage instead of simply letting them fade into the forgotten.

A part of me is, "Karma sucks, dude." and another is, "Poor guy." But that's about the extent of it... I do worry about my brother though. I passed on the steaming turd pile to him with a caution for him to keep an eye on his prostate.
Fucked up families are... fucked up. I feel like I should feel something... concern, worry, anxiety about dad, but I really don't. I don't want him to suffer, but I don't want him in my life either. Really, he died to me long ago. I've already mourned the fact that I don't have (and never had) a father. I have a genetic donor. I just don't have anything left for his actual being... I'm tapped out.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I hate and completly despise almoust my entire family. I kind of know what you are feeling, but also I dont. Because my way of dealing with things like these was to cut all personal possible contact with the rotton turd part of my family. In some cases ensuring that contact will not be made again through improvisng some weird and untypical behavior like trashing my uncles car with a sledgehammer and partialy setting it on fire.
Generaly, I have "through certain mesures) ensured that a certain part of my family will never bother me. But I have never had it necessery to ensure something like that with relatives as close to me like my parents.