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Current time: January 23, 2021, 11:25 pm

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Missionary Position
#1
Missionary Position
Today I was approached by a couple of these guys.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTHJPXeddXQO3xKPyh24gm...PQw9JnSpCK]

I generally just hiss at these types whenever they approach me.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRNtZ76qcgpkVOrRjt4yyV...tZ5CFWQbII]

It's usually very effective in scaring them off quickly.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSsDxR-qbLQ_NgIdJnfffl...pMeSXZEzwP]

But my wife asked me nicely not to do that anymore, so...

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSjRz0yGImCqzIYpZj4q3X...Kw1ZgxKZvQ]

Anyway, back to these fellows...

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTHJPXeddXQO3xKPyh24gm...PQw9JnSpCK]

As Jr. Elder Smith approaches me I suspect he senses my temptation to hiss at him violently. Nevertheless, Jr. Elder Smith musters the wherewithal to smile and ask me if I've "Heard the good news about Jesus Christ?" Gosh! I was tempted to say "Holy shit! You mean to say that they've proven the whole thing was a lie?", but instead I said "No, have you?"

At this point he must have given a secret "HELP" cue to his Sr. Elder who was present.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRts05ZKl8xw1V-Z6t_g2N...NVknIlyunE]

Now I was facing Sr. Elder Johnson, who heard my question and responded with "Yes sir, we have heard the good news. Jr. Elder Smith was wondering if you had heard the good news sir?" I asked how they knew their news was 'good' and what made it so. Sr. Elder Johnson told me that Jesus had died for my sins, and the news was good because I could receive the free gift of forgiveness offered by God through his son Jesus Christ. "Of what do I need to be forgiven, and by whom?" I asked. Sr. Elder Johnson told me that man is born sinful and in need of salvation (blah, blah, blah). I told him I had some good news of my own. I told him that I know of a planet where god and the devil play cards every Thursday night for beer money.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcScjzLFUoCrQnJeqllWD6A...om534gty3Q]

Then I showed them this photo of god winning and I said "Good news, huh?" and walked away whistling.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTS7M6zlM8R4N0m0pB1a3S...Q7VLlAKco7]
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#2
RE: Missionary Position
Missionary position:

[Image: MissionaryPositions_W_05.jpg]
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
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#3
RE: Missionary Position
If you cheerfully tell them you're an apostate, I think they HAVE to go away.

Although that would be less fun than your pictorial.
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#4
RE: Missionary Position
I generally tell such types that we work for the "other side" but thanks all the same, and gently but firmly shut the door in their face. Smile
“To terrify children with the image of hell, to consider women an inferior creation—is that good for the world?”
― Christopher Hitchens

"That fear first created the gods is perhaps as true as anything so brief could be on so great a subject". - George Santayana

"If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed". - George Carlin


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#5
RE: Missionary Position
Had a couple of these guys try and share the word of god with me while I was waiting at a bus stop.

They were disappointed that I didn't take their book, and even more so that I didn't "oh, I know, Jesus IS the way...."
[Image: CheerUp_zps63df8a6b.jpg]
Thanks to Cinjin for making it more 'sig space' friendly.
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#6
RE: Missionary Position
No matter how hard I try, I just can't be rude to Mormons when they come to my door.

Probably due to the pity I feel for them.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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#7
RE: Missionary Position
(November 4, 2013 at 5:58 pm)Faith No More Wrote: No matter how hard I try, I just can't be rude to Mormons when they come to my door.

Probably due to the pity I feel for them.

I'm pretty much never rude to anyone who comes to my door. That doesn't stop me from letting them know that I have absolutely zero interest in the bullshit that they're selling.

Nonetheless, I'm pretty sure that I'm on both the Mormon and JW blacklist these days. They never stop by any more, and I've seen them working the area from time to time.
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#8
RE: Missionary Position
I've never had Mormons come to the door but have on occasion had JW's coming around. If they come around again when I'm home, I'll think of which neighbor I like the least and send them over to their house saying that they're in desperate need of salvation.
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
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#9
RE: Missionary Position
I recently had an old lady come up to me to talk about falungong (idk if you guys know this, it's a big thing in China and considered a cult and the cultists are persecuted), she was very nice to me, spoke to me in chinese, which made me miss home. And then asked me which part of China I was from, and then was shocked that I wasn't, and said I spoke really mandarin really well. And asked which part of China were my ancestors from, and then we started talking about that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't believe in her shit. I just took the flyer and left.

I find that I often don't have the heart to completely shut these people down unless they're being obnoxious about it, there's almost always this one guy (at least one), preaching Islam or Christianity outside of one of the big malls here. With microphones. So annoying. If they approached me personally I'd be like, yea, no.
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#10
RE: Missionary Position
I guess I'm lucky that few Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses ever come around to my neighborhood. The first JW's I've seen dad shut the door in their faces as soon as they opened their mouth to speak. A few years later some Mormons came to the house to tell my dad he still technically belonged to the Mormon church in which he replied, "I don't belong to any church, I belong to God." and they walked off.

I once opened the door to see some JW's on the other side, they asked me if I was interested in the good news. I said, "No." and they walked away. Didn't persist or anything. Only the first story took place during the morning.
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