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Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 12:52 am
Where I'm originally from has one of the highest percentage of Mormons in the country, nearly 75%. It's worse than Utah. So yeah, I was born into it. One problem with growing up hearing bible stories and being told they are true is the association of magic with god. He says 'make it so' and bamm, it's done.
Add Mormon stories to this and shit, it's holy fucking magic time. From Book of Mormon magic stories, magic fucking underwear that is impenetrable (Though that has been retracted and the Mormon church claims they never claimed that--they didn't claim it, they proclaimed it) as long as you pay 10% of your earnings. This type of shit will confuse a kid, because you know, I accepted the fact that Santa wasn't real, but then was kept being told that all of this other magic shit, which is way more farfetched than a fat dude climbing down a billion chimneys in one night, is in fact true.
WTF moment.
My little kid brain was thinking at the time, if God and Jesus Christ and the legions of angels are real, then devil and his legion of demons are real as well (which is taught in the Mormon church). Fuck me, poltergeist just got a little more scary. And holy fucking shit, if demons are real, then they can be summoned, and since I was taught that impure thoughts and playing with your ding-a-ling will give you a one-way ticket to hell from the 'Loving and forgiving god that is also jealous and unforgiving', and I coincidentally was at an age of discovery where playing with my ding-a-ling was an everyday occurrence (still is), I came to the conclusion that I'm going to hell, so let's summon a fucking demon.
Needless to say it didn't work. Disappointed as I was, this motivated me to research other belief systems and eventually I came to the conclusion: This is batshit crazy. Then I had a religious experience, involving hallucinogens that led me to the idea of something I can't remember, but was way better than anything in church. And like that, I was mentally free from the clutches of the Mormon church, though on paper I'm still a member, it's fucking difficult to civilly be released. But whatever.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 1:46 am
Congratulations on your escape. Having a free mind is a wonderful thing.
So what is so farfetched about a fat dude climbing down a billion chimneys in one night? Specially at houses that don't have them.
So how, exactly, does God know that She's NOT a brain in a vat? 
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 1:53 am
(January 4, 2015 at 1:46 am)JuliaL Wrote: So what is so farfetched about a fat dude climbing down a billion chimneys in one night? Specially at houses that don't have them.
If you take into account the ability rats have to contort their bodies and the camouflaging ability of chameleons, octopi, and squid, then Santa falls into the realm of possibility.
As far as houses without chimneys go, well, if he had the attributes previously stated, then the idea of Santa using a door or window is completely plausible.
Santa is a ninja.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 4:14 am
Congratulations on seeing through the veil of horse shit  Yes this stuff is really damaging to kids and I'm sick of it being taught to them as facts.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 7:56 am
(January 4, 2015 at 12:52 am)Kulthenius Wrote: Where I'm originally from has one of the highest percentage of Mormons in the country, nearly 75%. It's worse than Utah. So yeah, I was born into it. One problem with growing up hearing bible stories and being told they are true is the association of magic with god. He says 'make it so' and bamm, it's done.
Add Mormon stories to this and shit, it's holy fucking magic time. From Book of Mormon magic stories, magic fucking underwear that is impenetrable (Though that has been retracted and the Mormon church claims they never claimed that--they didn't claim it, they proclaimed it) as long as you pay 10% of your earnings. This type of shit will confuse a kid, because you know, I accepted the fact that Santa wasn't real, but then was kept being told that all of this other magic shit, which is way more farfetched than a fat dude climbing down a billion chimneys in one night, is in fact true.
WTF moment.
My little kid brain was thinking at the time, if God and Jesus Christ and the legions of angels are real, then devil and his legion of demons are real as well (which is taught in the Mormon church). Fuck me, poltergeist just got a little more scary. And holy fucking shit, if demons are real, then they can be summoned, and since I was taught that impure thoughts and playing with your ding-a-ling will give you a one-way ticket to hell from the 'Loving and forgiving god that is also jealous and unforgiving', and I coincidentally was at an age of discovery where playing with my ding-a-ling was an everyday occurrence (still is), I came to the conclusion that I'm going to hell, so let's summon a fucking demon.
Needless to say it didn't work. Disappointed as I was, this motivated me to research other belief systems and eventually I came to the conclusion: This is batshit crazy. Then I had a religious experience, involving hallucinogens that led me to the idea of something I can't remember, but was way better than anything in church. And like that, I was mentally free from the clutches of the Mormon church, though on paper I'm still a member, it's fucking difficult to civilly be released. But whatever.
You found a way to test the validity of the claim so kudos to you.
Welcome.
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 7:15 pm
(January 4, 2015 at 4:14 am)robvalue Wrote: Congratulations on seeing through the veil of horse shit Yes this stuff is really damaging to kids and I'm sick of it being taught to them as facts.
It's amazing what theism adds to some peoples' idea of what constitutes a fact.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 7:29 pm
(This post was last modified: January 4, 2015 at 7:30 pm by Minimalist.)
Quote:He says 'make it so' and bamm, it's done.
It worked for Jean Luc Picard.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 7:45 pm
My advice when dealing with Mormons, take the second M out of the word and you see what they're all about. Joseph Smith was visited by an angel named Moroni after all. It obviously was his biggest and most damaging heist, since he made a living of being a fraud.
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 8:36 pm
(January 4, 2015 at 12:52 am)Kulthenius Wrote: Where I'm originally from has one of the highest percentage of Mormons in the country, nearly 75%. It's worse than Utah. So yeah, I was born into it. One problem with growing up hearing bible stories and being told they are true is the association of magic with god. He says 'make it so' and bamm, it's done.
Add Mormon stories to this and shit, it's holy fucking magic time. From Book of Mormon magic stories, magic fucking underwear that is impenetrable (Though that has been retracted and the Mormon church claims they never claimed that--they didn't claim it, they proclaimed it) as long as you pay 10% of your earnings. This type of shit will confuse a kid, because you know, I accepted the fact that Santa wasn't real, but then was kept being told that all of this other magic shit, which is way more farfetched than a fat dude climbing down a billion chimneys in one night, is in fact true.
WTF moment.
My little kid brain was thinking at the time, if God and Jesus Christ and the legions of angels are real, then devil and his legion of demons are real as well (which is taught in the Mormon church). Fuck me, poltergeist just got a little more scary. And holy fucking shit, if demons are real, then they can be summoned, and since I was taught that impure thoughts and playing with your ding-a-ling will give you a one-way ticket to hell from the 'Loving and forgiving god that is also jealous and unforgiving', and I coincidentally was at an age of discovery where playing with my ding-a-ling was an everyday occurrence (still is), I came to the conclusion that I'm going to hell, so let's summon a fucking demon.
Needless to say it didn't work. Disappointed as I was, this motivated me to research other belief systems and eventually I came to the conclusion: This is batshit crazy. Then I had a religious experience, involving hallucinogens that led me to the idea of something I can't remember, but was way better than anything in church. And like that, I was mentally free from the clutches of the Mormon church, though on paper I'm still a member, it's fucking difficult to civilly be released. But whatever.
I got news for you. Life is batshit crazy and makes no sense, religion is filling people's heads with some kind of cohesive mental jelly that holds all these crazy and disparate thought strands together in a nice simple way.
There is a reason adults grow out of their taste for jelly*.
MM
* Jell-O - for our US cousins.
"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions" - Leonardo da Vinci
"I think I use the term “radical” rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as “atheist,” some people will say, “Don’t you mean ‘agnostic’?” I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one ... etc., etc. It’s easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it’s an opinion I hold seriously." - Douglas Adams (and I echo the sentiment)
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RE: Mormons, Magic, and Mescaline
January 4, 2015 at 11:27 pm
(This post was last modified: January 4, 2015 at 11:28 pm by Jackalope.)
(January 4, 2015 at 1:53 am)Kulthenius Wrote: Santa is a ninja.
Yep, and I'll note that the cookie nomming fat fuck *still* owes me a goddamn minibike.
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