Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: January 7, 2025, 1:43 am
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
Ah, TheOnion

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
Ah, TheOnion
Minimalist Offline Donators
Go Blow Jesus Out Your Ass
*****
Religious Views: Fuck It
Posts: 69247
Threads: 3759
Joined: August 2, 2009
Reputation: 259
#1
Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 12:40 pm
http://www.theonion.com/article/research...nd-c-50778

Quote:Researchers Say Virgin Mary Actually God’s Second Choice To Bear Son
Find
Reply
NoraBrimstone Offline Donators
Londoner
*****
Religious Views: Humanist
Posts: 2968
Threads: 10
Joined: June 2, 2012
Reputation: 44
#2
RE: Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 12:46 pm
Was this other hoe also the product of an immaculate conception?
Find
Reply
Chad32 Offline
The disillusioned
****
Religious Views: Apatheist/Antitheist
Posts: 9176
Threads: 76
Joined: November 21, 2013
Reputation: 40
#3
RE: Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 1:00 pm
I'm pretty sure there was more than one virgin birth story before christianity came along. Not to mention that Zeus was basically a bestiality sex god in some respects.
Poe's Law: "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

10 Christ-like figures that predate Jesus. Link shortened to Chris ate Jesus for some reason...
http://listverse.com/2009/04/13/10-chris...ate-jesus/

Good video to watch, if you want to know how common the Jesus story really is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88GTUXvp-50

A list of biblical contradictions from the infallible word of Yahweh.
http://infidels.org/library/modern/jim_m...tions.html

Find
Reply
Aoi Magi Offline
The coolest magi in existence
****
Religious Views: not sure
Posts: 6859
Threads: 50
Joined: September 14, 2014
Reputation: 44
#4
RE: Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 1:07 pm
god sucks at everything, dating included.
Quote:To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
- Lau Tzu

Join me on atheistforums Slack Cool Shades (pester tibs via pm if you need invite) Tongue

Find
Reply
Longhorn Away
Senior Member
****
Religious Views: atheist
Posts: 7318
Threads: 75
Joined: April 18, 2015
Reputation: 73
#5
RE: Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 1:28 pm
Was Erica 12 years old too? ._.
Find
Reply
alfredomegar Offline
Newbie
*
Religious Views:
Posts: 4
Threads: 0
Joined: June 24, 2015
Reputation: 0
#6
RE: Ah, TheOnion
June 30, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Wait!!! You guys didn't hear????
Mary cheated on Joseph. She knew she got pregnant and the guy the guy was a Roman soldier just passing through.
She didn't want to loose Joseph because she didn't think he hot or all that bright but he treated her well! Better than any other man she had been with and she also worried about her reputation! Getting stoned to death? Not what she wanted!
That's when it hit her.. *BAM!* She knew what had to be done!!!
Lucky the simple-minded & codependent Joseph did buy her story of an angel saying that "gurl you' g'on have child! & that child g'on be special! You g'on be virgin baby mama O' de Lord! Mmm hmmm! & in 6 month time too!!!"
Poor simple minded, loving Joe bought it hook, line & sinker!!!
Problem was, Mary couldn't come clean!!!
She didn't know just how out of control her lie would have gotten and you know how some lying cheaters have horrible self-esteem. She didn't mind so much the fame and worship!!!
True Story
Find
Reply
Minimalist Offline Donators
Go Blow Jesus Out Your Ass
*****
Religious Views: Fuck It
Posts: 69247
Threads: 3759
Joined: August 2, 2009
Reputation: 259
#7
RE: Ah, TheOnion
July 1, 2015 at 1:27 am
[Image: article-1236575-07A1878D000005DC-438_634x311.jpg]
Find
Reply
vorlon13 Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic 12 stepper
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation: 92
#8
RE: Ah, TheOnion
July 1, 2015 at 1:47 am
Three months later, Mary's a gal in trouble
and she hasn't seen God for a while, oh
she hasn't seen God for a while . . . .
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




Find
Reply
Fake Messiah Offline
Activist for Sin
*****
Religious Views: Prozac supplants exorcism
Posts: 17265
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation: 30
#9
RE: Ah, TheOnion
July 1, 2015 at 7:41 am (This post was last modified: July 1, 2015 at 7:42 am by Fake Messiah.)
[Image: acef46e681ef0ed4d35d5a9b82a9507b.jpg]
Find
Reply
abaris Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: agnostic
Posts: 13122
Threads: 130
Joined: October 18, 2014
Reputation: 55
#10
RE: Ah, TheOnion
July 1, 2015 at 7:50 am
(June 30, 2015 at 1:00 pm)Chad32 Wrote: I'm pretty sure there was more than one virgin birth story before christianity came along. Not to mention that Zeus was basically a bestiality sex god in some respects.

But his sex stories are much more fun. Especially since he had to change into all kinds of animals to evade Hera's wrath.
[Image: Bumper+Sticker+-+Asheville+-+Praise+Dog3.JPG]
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
Ah, TheOnion

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  I Feel Sorry For TheOnion Minimalist 6 1429 March 31, 2017 at 7:50 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  TheOnion....(again) Minimalist 1 727 September 25, 2013 at 4:08 pm
Last Post: Doubting Thomas



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)