What LGBT should/shouldn't do

[Metis]

I've been having this discussion elsewhere with other people I know for a while, and seeing how frequently LGBT issues tend to appear here lately I thought I'd ask what you guys thought about it.

I work in a university within a theology/religious studies department and we have a little project going with an e-mail address where students can ask any question anonymously and we'll try to answer it from a number of perspectives. So "what is communion" would get answers from several different denominations.

One Catholic girl asked because of the rise of same sex marriage was it a sin to be alone with another woman now (Catholics have a mostly unfollowed rule that men and women who are unrelated by blood or marriage cannot be in a room alone together, because people might think they're having sex). Now after the laughter died down it actually raised a few interesting points.

Take gym changing rooms for instance. The very idea of having separate rooms for men and women is so they don't start gawping each other right? Is it right for a gay man to use a mens changing room? Certainly there's nothing stopping him and most men won't care, especially if they don't know he is but should he still be using it because it really goes against the idea of having separate changing rooms? Have to say I actually did stop going to the gym when I realized I was into guys and I bought stuff to train with at home for this reason, nobody ever spoke to me about it, just something I decided myself.

Comes up again with pre-op transexuals in the bathroom, just because you may have decided you are of the other sex mentally is that enough to make it right to use the other facilities? I don't doubt that transexuality is an actual thing like the religious, I think the people who decide to transition are actually rather brave but sometimes I do wonder if they (as several other minorities do) ask a bit much from the rest of mainstream society.

I know this seems a bit longwinded but...Not from any religious perspective, or even from any legal requirement since there aren't any but are there some things LGBT should not do, not because they're going to pounce on someone in the bathroom but because it may cause other people discomfort? There's nothing banning Hindus from burning shit for their rituals but most don't do it in public because they realize not everyone wants to watch. It's actually for this reason I dislike pride parades, not only does it seem to reinforce the stereotype that all gays are butch lesbians or limp wrists but it pushes our rather vocal community on people who may not be homophobic, but just don't wanna see men in neon hot pants. Hell, I don't even like seeing that so I'm not surprised concerned christian types don't want their children to.

What do you think, should they hold back a little in certain areas, have you ever done so?

[Regina]

I feel awkward in gym changing rooms the way these straight guys just casually walk around with their peens out... I don't know where to look, and I feel uncomfortable because I know these are guys who are so comfortable in their sexuality until a "queer" walks into the room. At any rate I wouldn't openly stare at anyone even if it wasn't awkward for me, not because I give a fuck about if the guy is gay or straight but just because boundaries. I have this one good Judy who I love, but he is so shameless about staring at the gym and he is asking to get slapped tbh.

I don't think this is what you are talking about, but one thing the girls do that consistently pisses me off is this narcissistic "straight-acting, masc4masc, no blacks, no Asians, no fems" on dating websites. When challenged on this they'll start with "oh but it's just a preference". Yeah that's fine, have your little preferences, but will it kill you not to be so blunt and exclusionary about it? Seriously, just stop that shit, it's not cute. "Straight acting" they say, as they put a dick in their mouth, lol...

[Chad32]

"One Catholic girl asked because of the rise of same sex marriage was it a sin to be alone with another woman now (Catholics have a mostly unfollowed rule that men and women who are unrelated by blood or marriage cannott be in a room alone together, because people might think they're having sex). "

What about any rules against priests being alone with children? I don't think catholics have any room to judge the rest of us before they deal with that issue.


As for trans, I do believe you should wait until your body parts are changed before changing bathrooms. It's hard to tell who is and isn't gay, so probably the best thing to do is just use stalls. if you catch anyone trying to peek at you over a stall, report them.

[Tiberius]

What gays should do: everything everyone else does.
What gays shouldn't do: everything everyone else doesn't do.

People shouldn't have to change their behavior because of their sexual preference. Period.

People who take offense at a gay man in a men's locker room can fuck off. He has every right to be there. Same goes when the genders are reversed.

[brewer]

Hello, I'll give you my hetero point of view. I might need to state that I have gay friends.

Quite frankly I don't give a shit what you do as long as you treat me with respect, the same amount of respect that I give you. In the changing room I don't stare at men, gay or straight, I expect the same consideration. I the head same thing, I'm not going to stare at you dick or ass, don't stare at mine. This doesn't mean that I walk around with my eyes closed or with blinders on. In these cases we are all exposed to the human form. If someone crosses my tolerance line I'll know it and they will know it shortly after. Inappropriate comments I'll tolerate if joking but that line can be easily crossed also, from both straight and gay.

I don't care about the public flamboyant behavior (the marches or parades) as long as it doesn't offensively cross into my personal space. It's just people having fun and expressing themselves.

Long story short, just check your behavior. If you do then there should be no problem (at least with me). If you don't you may not like the result.

As for the homophobes out there, I expect them to act with the same amount of respect also. If they want to make a comment or go on a rant, save it for the other like minded twats.

[Metis]

I feel awkward in gym changing rooms the way these straight guys just casually walk around with their peens out... I don't know where to look, and I feel uncomfortable because I know these are guys who are so comfortable in their sexuality until a "queer" walks into the room. At any rate I wouldn't openly stare at anyone even if it wasn't awkward for me, not because I give a fuck about if the guy is gay or straight but just because boundaries. I have this one good Judy who I love, but he is so shameless about staring at the gym and he is asking to get slapped tbh.

I don't think this is what you are talking about, but one thing the girls do that consistently pisses me off is this narcissistic "straight-acting, masc4masc, no blacks, no Asians, no fems" on dating websites. When challenged on this they'll start with "oh but it's just a preference". Yeah that's fine, have your little preferences, but will it kill you not to be so blunt and exclusionary about it? Seriously, just stop that shit, it's not cute. "Straight acting" they say, as they put a dick in their mouth, lol...

Uugh, fuck I can't stand those types either. I actually don't use Grindr, hell I've never had a one night stand or a hook up but I see it fairly frequently with who I have as my friends on my social media. It makes me wonder quite often why exactly we are friends Still, whatever gets their motor going.

As for the changing rooms...I'm not actually uncomfortable myself, if there's another guy in there eying me up which previously there has been before it doesn't bother me, if anything I'm flattered but I have seen other men squirm under the same gaze. I really don't want to do that to them myself, or them to even think I might be doing it to them. It's not very likely I would, I'm incredibly picky but even still...Perhaps I'm just paranoid

"One Catholic girl asked because of the rise of same sex marriage was it a sin to be alone with another woman now (Catholics have a mostly unfollowed rule that men and women who are unrelated by blood or marriage cannott be in a room alone together, because people might think they're having sex). "

What about any rules against priests being alone with children? I don't think catholics have any room to judge the rest of us before they deal with that issue.


As for trans, I do believe you should wait until your body parts are changed before changing bathrooms. It's hard to tell who is and isn't gay, so probably the best thing to do is just use stalls. if you catch anyone trying to peek at you over a stall, report them.

Priests, Nuns and Consecrated Virgins don't have to follow this rule, because they've vowed on pain of hell to never have sex they're generally seen to be above such risk so they can mingle with the opposite sex freely (although historically with the Nuns and Virgins this wasn't always the case).

The stalls are a good point.

What gays should do: everything everyone else does.
What gays shouldn't do: everything everyone else doesn't do.

People shouldn't have to change their behavior because of their sexual preference. Period.

People who take offense at a gay man in a men's locker room can fuck off. He has every right to be there. Same goes when the genders are reversed.

Ah, if only everyone was as open minded as that

I know they shouldn't have to Tiberius, but is it polite for them to consider it? A guy doesn't have to hold a door open for women but many of them still do, it's simply good manners. I'm just thinking if there should be some lines along the same way. Using the example of guys touching I've seen on another thread is actually a good example, some language like "watch my back" is pretty innocent but said by a gay guy could quite easily be read the wrong way, sure he can still say it but is it wiser to choose different words?

I sometimes find myself doing so, Increasingly I bite my tongue and refrain from saying things like "yer can shove that up yer arse" that others say freely. Not because I can't say them, but just because I am aware it could be taken as meaning something rather different and I'd rather avoid being misunderstood.

[Tiberius]

I know they shouldn't have to Tiberius, but is it polite for them to consider it? A guy doesn't have to hold a door open for women but many of them still do, it's simply good manners. I'm just thinking if there should be some lines along the same way. Using the example of guys touching I've seen on another thread is actually a good example, some language like "watch my back" is pretty innocent but said by a gay guy could quite easily be read the wrong way, sure he can still say it but is it wiser to choose different words?

Maybe it is polite for them to consider it, but it certainly isn't impolite for them not to. Holding a door open for anyone is good manners, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. The analogy just doesn't fit with the changing room scenario in my opinion. I think the main reason for separate changing rooms for men and women is likely rooted in tradition rather than ogling. Really, if people care so much about other people (of any gender) seeing their privates, they should use a changing booth, or put a towel around them whilst they change.

Also, I'm pretty sure anyone with half a brain cell could spot the context in which the words "watch my back" were said.

I sometimes find myself doing so, Increasingly I bite my tongue and refrain from saying things like "yer can shove that up yer arse" that others say freely. Not because I can't say them, but just because I am aware it could be taken as meaning something rather different and I'd rather avoid being misunderstood.

Seriously, as a straight guy, I can tell you that no straight guy is going to hear the phrase "yer can shove that up yer arse" coming from a gay guy and think he means anything other than the colloquial meaning.

[Napoléon]

People who take offense at a gay man in a men's locker room can fuck off. He has every right to be there. Same goes when the genders are reversed.

I'm not even gay but I could make someone uncomfortable by staring at their dong. Maybe they should blame themselves for having it flopping about instead of being grumpy with others for simply noticing the elephant in the room.

[Metis]

Maybe it is polite for them to consider it, but it certainly isn't impolite for them not to. Holding a door open for anyone is good manners, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. The analogy just doesn't fit with the changing room scenario in my opinion. I think the main reason for separate changing rooms for men and women is likely rooted in tradition rather than ogling. Really, if people care so much about other people (of any gender) seeing their privates, they should use a changing booth, or put a towel around them whilst they change.

Also, I'm pretty sure anyone with half a brain cell could spot the context in which the words "watch my back" were said.
Seriously, as a straight guy, I can tell you that no straight guy is going to hear the phrase "yer can shove that up yer arse" coming from a gay guy and think he means anything other than the colloquial meaning.

I know it sounds silly but I'm actually quite reassured reading through this, thanks Tiberius, does pretty much prove I am overthinking this.

[robvalue]

It's an interesting point about the changing rooms.

Personally I wouldn't care if everyone got changed in the same place rather than gender split.