Zodiac Signs and Horoscopes

[Mental Outlaw]

I don't see too many Atheist talking about zodiac sign believers or people who believe in horoscopes even though its quite common (at least in America) so for your entertainment here is why zodiac signs and horoscopes are bullshit!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO9LiDxfRH4

[ignoramus]

That's all BS but feng shui is real because I couldn't build my house as per the feng shui recommendations and I am still poor! Damn...

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Yeah but Mars has entered my crystal zone which affects Jupiter's radiance in my intimate zone meaning that Venus will totally affect Uranus and grant my happiness today so long as I don't piss people off who are bigger than me.

[Homeless Nutter]

People who believe in astrology are so completely ignorant of science and detached from reality, that I don't think it's possible to reason them out of their superstitions, without some sort of a degree in special needs education.

[Little lunch]

I got a scorpion tattoo when I was 16.
Cause I'm I scorpio (spellcheck wants scorpio capitalised!)
But also something menacing and I didn't like skulls.
Couple years later I felt a little stupid for having it, that particular one, so I got it covered with a tattoo of a large coy.

[MentalGiant]

Astronomy? Fascinating. Astrology? Bullshit!

[Edwardo Piet]

I fucking hate astrology.

[vorlon13]

Astrology, particularly the Nancy Reagan court astrologer bullshit, was particularly galling.

Joan Quigley is a kunt.

[Edwardo Piet]

I don't know why people even bother with horoscope tests for "harmless fun" it's fucking BORING.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Found this yonks ago.

*****

Your REAL Horoscope

AQUARIUS - JANUARY 20 to FEBRUARY 18

YOU HAVE AN INVENTIVE MIND AND ARE INCLINED TO BE PROGRESSIVE. YOU LIE A GREAT DEAL. YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES REPEATEDLY BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID. EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE A FUCKING JERK.




PISCES - FEBRUARY 19 to MARCH 20

YOU HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION AND OFTEN THINK YOU ARE BEING FOLLOWED BY THE F.B.I. OR THE C.I.A. YOU HAVE MINOR INFLUENCE ON YOUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE RESENT YOU FOR FLAUNTING YOUR POWER. YOU LACK CONFIDENCE AND ARE A GENERAL DIPSHIT.




ARIES - MARCH 21 to APRIL 19

YOU ARE THE PIONEER TYPE AND THINK MOST PEOPLE ARE DICKHEADS. YOU ARE QUICK TEMPERED, IMPATIENT, AND SCORNFUL OF ADVICE. YOU ARE A PRICK.




TAURUS - APRIL 20 to MAY 20

YOU ARE PRACTICAL AND PERSISTENT. YOU HAVE DOGGED DETERMINATION AND WORK LIKE HELL. MOST PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE STUBBORN AND BULLHEADED. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A GODDAMN COMMUNIST.




GEMINI - MAY 21 to JUNE 20

YOU ARE A QUICK AND INTELLIGENT THINKER. PEOPLE LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BISEXUAL. YOU ARE INCLINED TO EXPECT TOO MUCH FOR TOO LITTLE. THIS MEANS YOU ARE A CHEAP BASTARD. GEMINIS ARE NOTORIOUS FOR THRIVING ON INSECTS.




CANCER - JUNE 21 to JULY 22

YOU ARE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING TO OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS WHICH MAKES YOU A SUCKER. YOU ARE ALWAYS PUTTING THINGS OFF. THIS IS WHY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ON WELFARE AND WON'T BE WORTH A SHIT. EVERYBODY IN PRISON IS A CANCER.




LEO - JULY 23 to AUGUST 22

YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A BORN LEADER. OTHERS THINK YOU'RE AN IDIOT. MOST LEOS ARE BULLIES. YOU ARE VAIN AND CANNOT TOLERATE HONEST CRITICISM. YOUR ARROGANCE IS DISGUSTING. LEO PEOPLE ARE THIEVING MOTHER-FUCKERS AND SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME KISSING MIRRORS.




VIRGO - AUGUST 23 to SEPTEMBER 22

YOU ARE A LOGICAL TYPE AND HATE DISORDER. THIS SHIT-PICKING IS SICKENING TO YOUR FRIENDS. YOU ARE COLD AND UNEMOTIONAL AND OFTEN FALL ASLEEP SCREWING. VIRGOS MAKE GOOD BUS DRIVERS AND PIMPS.




LIBRA - SEPTEMBER 23 to OCTOBER 22

YOU ARE THE ARTISTIC TYPE AND HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME WITH REALITY. IF YOU ARE MALE YOU ARE PROBABLY QUEER. CHANCES FOR EMPLOYMENT AND MONETARY GAIN ARE NIL. MOST LIBRA WOMEN ARE WHORES. ALL LIBRAS DIE OF VENEREAL DISEASE.




SCORPIO - OCTOBER 23 to NOVEMBER 21

THE WORST OF THE LOT. YOU ARE SHREWD IN BUSINESS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED. YOU SHALL ACHIEVE THE PINNACLE OF SUCCESS BECAUSE OF YOUR TOTAL LACK OF ETHICS. YOU ARE A PERFECT SON- OF -A -BITCH. MOST SCORPIOS ARE MURDERED.




SAGITTARIUS - NOVEMBER 22 to DECEMBER 21

YOU ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENTHUSIASTIC. YOU HAVE A RECKLESS TENDENCY TO RELY ON LUCK SINCE YOU HAVE NO TALENT. THE MAJORITY OF SAGITTARIANS ARE DRUNKS. NIXON WAS A SAGITTARIAN. YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE TIME OF DAY.




CAPRICORN - DECEMBER 22 to JANUARY 19

YOU ARE CONSERVATIVE AND AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS. YOU ARE BASICALLY A CHICKENSHIT. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CAPRICORN OF ANY IMPORTANCE. YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF.

*****

Boru