Ali G Interview with Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi
November 19, 2015 at 5:55 am
(This post was last modified: November 19, 2015 at 5:57 am by SofaKingHigh.)
AG – Booyakasha…..I’m here right now wiv me main man, the non other than dat geeza from the Middle East everyone wants a piece of…… Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi……
So “Abu”? Is it safe to call u dat bruv? Or iz Big Daddy a betta name?
AB – Please call me the Caliph of the Caliphate
AG – Cool bruv….. so what is dis ‘kaliff’?
AB – It’s a person considered a political and religious successor to the Islamic prophet, Muhammad and a leader of all Muslims
AG – {Blank look} word……… so ….. err……. so who woz dis other geeza, the one making de profit? Muhammad? …. So you took his job over then?
AB – No, I don’t think you understand…… he is our “prophet”…… he doesn’t make “profit”
AG – I bit like Jesus den?
AB – {Enraged} NO
AG – Chill brethren…….. I thought dat Jesus was a profit geeza too?
AB – He is
AG – So why such beef man?
AB – I cannot begin to try to explain. You are an infidel and are unlearned. Perhaps given time you will come to learn. After all you are one of us?
AG – I am?
AB – Yes
AG – {Offering a high five} Respect man!
AG – So Does dis Muhammad geeza do all the big-style miracles like Jesus did?
AB – {Non-plussed and irritated}
AG – Err…….OK….so ……. can we talk about what I’ve been itchin to shoot de breeze with you over?
AB – Please go ahead….
AG – Dis 50 virgins thing? Is this for real aye?
AB – Of course
AG – For REAL?
AB – For those who die as martyrs this is Allah’s reward in heaven
AG – Respect bruv. So these are de geezers runnin around blowing themselves up aye?
So it’s like a short-cut to serious afterlife punani?
AB – “Punani”? What is this?
AG – Haha…. You sly ol dog Big Daddy……. you know what I’m layin down here geeza!
AB – {Awkward smile and incredulous expression}
AG – {winking} Actually Daddy I could probably set you up wiv one of me Julies?....
AB – {No smile and incredulous expression}
AG – So…… Big Daddy…….. from what I read in de newspapers, you’ve got dis beef wiv Christians, Jews and Shite Muslims?
AB – They are infidels, heretics
AG – What’s the deal with Shite Muslims? Are these just Muslims that aren’t very good?
AB – {Utterly blank look}
AG – But you’re not cool with these people are you?
AB – No
AG – OK well I’ll give dat a bit of a swerve cos I’m finkin about me head stayin on me neck aye!
AG – What’s with the orange boiler suits by the way? Is dere a significational fing wiv the orange colour?
AB – No
AG – Oh. Do you get them cheap from someone?
AB – {Angrily} I don’t know. I’m the Caliph not a bloody market salesman
AG – Peace bruv, you shouldn’t swear you know!
AG – So when these dudes……de suicide dudes blow themselves up…… what’s those fings they shout out just before the big bang?
AB – Allah Akhbar!!
AG – Sorry Daddy can you say again?
AB – {shouting load} Allah Akhbar!!
AG – Ain’t he de dude from de Star Wars films with the red salamander head?
AB – {Gives a deathly glance}
AG – OK me’s quitting dis interview at 22:21 PM………. Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi …… Booyakasha !!!
So “Abu”? Is it safe to call u dat bruv? Or iz Big Daddy a betta name?
AB – Please call me the Caliph of the Caliphate
AG – Cool bruv….. so what is dis ‘kaliff’?
AB – It’s a person considered a political and religious successor to the Islamic prophet, Muhammad and a leader of all Muslims
AG – {Blank look} word……… so ….. err……. so who woz dis other geeza, the one making de profit? Muhammad? …. So you took his job over then?
AB – No, I don’t think you understand…… he is our “prophet”…… he doesn’t make “profit”
AG – I bit like Jesus den?
AB – {Enraged} NO
AG – Chill brethren…….. I thought dat Jesus was a profit geeza too?
AB – He is
AG – So why such beef man?
AB – I cannot begin to try to explain. You are an infidel and are unlearned. Perhaps given time you will come to learn. After all you are one of us?
AG – I am?
AB – Yes
AG – {Offering a high five} Respect man!
AG – So Does dis Muhammad geeza do all the big-style miracles like Jesus did?
AB – {Non-plussed and irritated}
AG – Err…….OK….so ……. can we talk about what I’ve been itchin to shoot de breeze with you over?
AB – Please go ahead….
AG – Dis 50 virgins thing? Is this for real aye?
AB – Of course
AG – For REAL?
AB – For those who die as martyrs this is Allah’s reward in heaven
AG – Respect bruv. So these are de geezers runnin around blowing themselves up aye?
So it’s like a short-cut to serious afterlife punani?
AB – “Punani”? What is this?
AG – Haha…. You sly ol dog Big Daddy……. you know what I’m layin down here geeza!
AB – {Awkward smile and incredulous expression}
AG – {winking} Actually Daddy I could probably set you up wiv one of me Julies?....
AB – {No smile and incredulous expression}
AG – So…… Big Daddy…….. from what I read in de newspapers, you’ve got dis beef wiv Christians, Jews and Shite Muslims?
AB – They are infidels, heretics
AG – What’s the deal with Shite Muslims? Are these just Muslims that aren’t very good?
AB – {Utterly blank look}
AG – But you’re not cool with these people are you?
AB – No
AG – OK well I’ll give dat a bit of a swerve cos I’m finkin about me head stayin on me neck aye!
AG – What’s with the orange boiler suits by the way? Is dere a significational fing wiv the orange colour?
AB – No
AG – Oh. Do you get them cheap from someone?
AB – {Angrily} I don’t know. I’m the Caliph not a bloody market salesman
AG – Peace bruv, you shouldn’t swear you know!
AG – So when these dudes……de suicide dudes blow themselves up…… what’s those fings they shout out just before the big bang?
AB – Allah Akhbar!!
AG – Sorry Daddy can you say again?
AB – {shouting load} Allah Akhbar!!
AG – Ain’t he de dude from de Star Wars films with the red salamander head?
AB – {Gives a deathly glance}
AG – OK me’s quitting dis interview at 22:21 PM………. Abu Bakr al-Badhdadi …… Booyakasha !!!
