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Jesús is a Jerk
August 18, 2010 at 11:17 am
http://www.jesusisajerk.com/
I thought this would amuse you all.
This guy made a website to complain about a guy named Jesús (Notice the accent, it's pronounced "hey-zeus" and not "jee-zus") who had an affair with his wife. Apparently he keeps getting hate mail from Christians thinking he's talking about Jesus. His explanation is rather funny:
http://www.jesusisajerk.com Wrote:Here are the main points of what I'm saying in a nutshell:
* Jesús and Jesus are two different people.
* I was mad at Jesús because it looked like he was going above and beyond the call of duty with my wife.
* I'm not mad at your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who, if he exists, I'm sure is a nice guy that would never bone another guy's wife.
* Even though Jesús wasn't doing the nasty on my property, I still wouldn't cry if the Romans crucified him.
We all clear now?
Other gems from the FAQ:
FAQ Wrote:Why do you think Jesus is a jerk?
I don't. I think that my former gardener Jesús is a jerk.
Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?
No. There is no god. You're living a lie. Get over it.
Why should people punch Jesus?
Not Jesus -- Jesús!
Why didn't you put your wife's picture up and ask people to punch her, too?
Because I thought that after I got Jesús out of the picture Sarah and I could patch things up. I also assumed that the makeup sex for something this big would be incredible.
Doesn't that make you an idiot?
Yes.
A great, big, stupid idiot?
Yes. Fine. Stop rubbing it in.
Is your wife hot?
Ex-wife, and yes.
Can I f**k your [ex]wife?
Got $20 or a six pack? Then probably yes.
And that's why you hate Jesus?
(Sigh) You people just don't listen, do you?
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Thank you for sharing that! It really brightened my day, just hilarious 
"A man who keeps one eye on the past is blind in one eye. A man who ignores the past is blind in both."
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 18, 2010 at 2:53 pm
(August 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm)AnunZi Wrote: Thank you for sharing that! It really brightened my day, just hilarious
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 19, 2010 at 8:38 am
What a tool.
He failed on so many different levels
LOL
![[Image: mybannerglitter06eee094.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo112%2Fpussinboots_photos%2FBikes%2Fmybannerglitter06eee094.gif)
If you're not supposed to ride faster than your guardian angel can fly then mine had better get a bloody SR-71.
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 19, 2010 at 9:30 am
(This post was last modified: August 19, 2010 at 9:33 am by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
$20 AND a six pack, that just fits my budget. (unless of course he meant a stomach six pack,in which case I'm fucked,or in this case,not)
When I was a gossoon we used to watch a teenage Clint Eastwood in 'Rawhide'. There was a character called "Hey-soos". It never dawned on us his name was Jesus.Chronically Catholic, we would have been appalled and refused to watch such blasphemy. I kid you not. 
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 19, 2010 at 9:47 am
You're in luck Padriac, as it is $20 or a six-pack. You're saving a bundle here.
Best regards,
Leo van Miert
Horsepower is how hard you hit the wall --Torque is how far you take the wall with you
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 19, 2010 at 9:52 am
Actually, that might make a good video: "Jesus is a Jerk"
Only I mean JC, the Christian icon Jesus. Yes, that Jesus. The one lionized by our society as the fountain of perfect wisdom and the yardstick by which morality is measured. THAT JESUS.
The Jesus who told a rich man to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor and the pontificated about how it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man into Heaven. Oddly enough, when one of his disciples objects to the lavish treatment Jesus receives, suggesting they sell the oil and give it to the poor, JC rebukes him saying in effect: "The poor ye will always have but ye will not always have me".
At one point, Jesus tells a parable about slavery and concludes that the slave that doesn't do his master's wishes should be beaten with many stripes.
At the conclusion of another parable, Jesus says that anyone who doesn't wish to serve him should be brought before him and executed.
Jesus tells people to turn the other cheek and love those who hate us but when a community rejects him, he throws tantrums and proclaims that it will be worse for the city in the day of Judgment than it was in the days of Noah.
Jesus will allow divorce if the wife cheats. How about the husband?
Jesus will only help a Caananite woman only once she admits to being a dog.
Jesus preaches peace and promises a bloody, destructive second coming.
Jesus preaches love and any who don't love him will be tossed into Hell.
These are just off the top of my head. I can certainly put together a larger list.
Atheist Forums Hall of Shame:
"The trinity can be equated to having your cake and eating it too."
... -Lucent, trying to defend the Trinity concept
"(Yahweh's) actions are good because (Yahweh) is the ultimate standard of goodness. That’s not begging the question"
... -Statler Waldorf, Christian apologist
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 20, 2010 at 8:09 am
(This post was last modified: August 20, 2010 at 8:12 am by Rwandrall.)
(August 19, 2010 at 9:52 am)DeistPaladin Wrote: Actually, that might make a good video: "Jesus is a Jerk"
Only I mean JC, the Christian icon Jesus. Yes, that Jesus. The one lionized by our society as the fountain of perfect wisdom and the yardstick by which morality is measured. THAT JESUS.
The Jesus who told a rich man to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor and the pontificated about how it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man into Heaven. Oddly enough, when one of his disciples objects to the lavish treatment Jesus receives, suggesting they sell the oil and give it to the poor, JC rebukes him saying in effect: "The poor ye will always have but ye will not always have me".
At one point, Jesus tells a parable about slavery and concludes that the slave that doesn't do his master's wishes should be beaten with many stripes.
At the conclusion of another parable, Jesus says that anyone who doesn't wish to serve him should be brought before him and executed.
Jesus tells people to turn the other cheek and love those who hate us but when a community rejects him, he throws tantrums and proclaims that it will be worse for the city in the day of Judgment than it was in the days of Noah.
Jesus will allow divorce if the wife cheats. How about the husband?
Jesus will only help a Caananite woman only once she admits to being a dog.
Jesus preaches peace and promises a bloody, destructive second coming.
Jesus preaches love and any who don't love him will be tossed into Hell.
These are just off the top of my head. I can certainly put together a larger list.
Although i agree that Jesus is a jerk, i would like to point out that the "eye of a needle" metaphor was actually a mistranslation (or so i have heard) : actually, the "eye of the needle" was actually a low door that was only for pedestrians, while camels went through a larger door, so what Jesus meant was even worse, its was that rich people, in their nature, do not belong in Heaven.
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RE: Jesús is a Jerk
August 20, 2010 at 8:16 am
(August 20, 2010 at 8:09 am)Rwandrall Wrote: Although i agree that Jesus is a jerk, i would like to point out that the "eye of a needle" metaphor was actually a mistranslation (or so i have heard) : actually, the "eye of the needle" was actually a low door that was only for pedestrians, while camels went through a larger door, so what Jesus meant was even worse, its was that rich people, in their nature, do not belong in Heaven.
Actually, I think they've debunked that idea now.
'We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.' H.L. Mencken
'False religion' is the ultimate tautology.
'It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.' Mark Twain
'I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.' Abraham Lincoln
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