How do you deal with life now that you are an atheist? (With a little of my life)

[Macoleco]

Hi,

I am a 21 year old male who was christian up until I was 19 years old. I used to believe in God, and I believed he helped me multiple times through my life. I also used to pray, and cried multiple times (this became harder to happen as I grew up). So as you can see, I have a religious background. Fortunately, my parents were never too religious. This means I never read the bible except for some verses, and never went to church (though I did quite a few times when I was really young, like 4 or years old).

I always had doubts, and unanswered questions about my religion. But, as many believers do, I used to ignore them, and tell to myself "Those questions must have an answer, but I just do not know them". Fortunately, I have always been a man of science, and I always put science before religion. This was because I used to believe that science was a creation of God, and therefore believing in science does not contradict religion, and if it seems like it does, because of my lack of knowledge. Now that I am an atheist, I have realized that it is impossible to believe in a religion without ignoring its contradictions.

Then, after I graduated from highschool (a highschool oriented to the study of science, extremely time consuming), I decided that I wanted to get a scholarship to another country. And ofcourse, when you want to achieve something, you pray to God. And so I did. And that was the moment when I realized my faith was at zero, and I started to question everything. I tried to pray, but I felt like I was doing nothing. I started asking "Who am I praying to? Does he care? Does he even listen? Is he real? What if christianity is incorrect, and I am praying to a fake god?, etc." So I reached a point in which I NEEDED to answer those questions. Ignoring them was not an option anymore. And I lie you not, this task took me several days, weeks. I started watching debates of Richard Dawkins and other atheists such as Christopher Hitchens. And those debates started me to convince me a lot more. Until, finally, I decided to become an atheist.

It was not easy, as you may know, if you used to have a religion. And this is where the point of the thread comes in.

When I used to be a christian, many existential problems of life were filled by religion. Such as "What happens after you die?". I used to believe in heaven, and I thought that I could meet my parents in the after life, which always gave me comfort. Now that I am atheist, I know this will never happen. Once you die, you are done. And now a hole that was filled with religious beliefs, is now empty, and now I have to start filling it from zero with my own strength. Both my parents are around 50, and my mother has had multiple fractures, and she once had a stroke. She gets sick many times. And this hurts me. It hurts me to know I cant do anything to completely cure her. It hurts me to know she will eventually die, and I will never see her again. Same happens with my dad, but fortunately he has better health. 

Another hole that I have to fill now is the vulnerability we have as human beings. When I was younger, I used to believe I was invincible (I believe every young boy thinks this way). But there was another reason for this, I used to believe God was always by my side, protecting me. Now that I am an atheist, I know that nobody is watching my back, except for those who are alive, like my parents. I now know I am not special for the eyes of the universe, and that I may get sick, or I may be murdered, etc. And I always knew this, but then again, I believed God was protecting me.

Now we have death. How do you cope with it now that you are atheist? I particularly never feared death. Maybe until now. I have realized I will die, and there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe in the past, since I believed in God, and in the after life, death was not so bad. But now I know it is an unavoidable faith. That this is our only chance to live. That the pain we feel while we live will remain there forever, and we should try to be happy as much as we can, even though we are just animals and have mental and physical limitations.

So, the question is: How do you face the unavoidable reality of life, with no God by your side?

[Aegon]

I'm a realist. I don't know how to "hope" for things, as pessimistic as that sounds. The only reason I used to be Christian was because I was raised to believe that Catholicism was the truth that should be accepted by everybody. Once I realized it didn't make sense and was probably quite far from the truth, it didn't bother me because I could never force myself to believe something just because it's more comforting. I reached the "Acceptance" stage pretty quickly in every situation, and my de-conversion was no different. I thought to myself, well, if there is no god or afterlife and this is all just...what it is...then that's what it is. No reason to be worried or upset about death while I'm livin'.

[Whateverist]

I'm unaware of any holes. Everything ends. It's okay. Still better than nothing. A lot better

[Whateverist]

BTW this is probably the #1 most tiresome apologist line of all time. What a coincidence, hey?

[Thumpalumpacus]

I live with constant pain courtesy of a bone disease in my hip. I feel it in my sleep, even. Still I get through each day, harboring my thoughts to myself, and I've learnt a lot in dealing with this. I don't use painkillers aside from the occasional naproxen.

I've learnt that physical ailments are in one sense controllable, in that I can tune the pain in or out, and that much depends on my mindset. The pain is worse when my mood is bad. I've learnt that if we dig deeper, we can find inner reserves we didn't know we have. Of course I already knew prayer was useless, but I've learnt that mindfulness is a powerful tool.

As an Air Force firefighter, I made my peace with death twenty-five years ago. I've been in a couple of spots that could easily have been fatal. I've resigned myself to dying, but you know what they sang -- "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." Giving up a death-grip on life, I find myself living more. Not worried about the "hereafter", I focus more on the now.

Make your peace with what you cannot control, or live a life of turmoil. It's pretty simple, so far as I see it.

[Jackalope]

I more or less was a Christian from 16 to about 27, and I can think of much that changed as a result of changing my view to agnosticism at the time. No Bible study, praying or any of that other crap. It wasn't until much later that I had what could be described as an existential crisis. I came out of that essentially an Absurdist and today identify as an agnostic atheist, again not much change really - once I embraced that if there's any meaning in existence, we have to try and make it ourself, as futile as it may be.

I think as an atheist I have done far more introspection, and my greatest personal growth also came as an atheist. However, I think my atheism had little to do with it.

My advice would be this - answers can be elusive and it's OK to not have them all. Makes it a bit easier to accept. I expect when oblivion takes me in 0-20 or 30, maybe 40 years, I don't expect to have all the answers. I think I've more or less come to grips with that. In the meanwhile, I'm doing what I can to get back to living life fully. Ultimately, that's what I would advise - live life to the full, don't squander it. Appreciate the beauty around you.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

So, the question is: How do you face the unavoidable reality of life, with no God by your side?

With great joy.

Boru

[Thumpalumpacus]

So, the question is: How do you face the unavoidable reality of life, with no God by your side?

With great joy.

Boru

... until the Taxman cometh.

Fucker's worse than that "God" guy, right?

[Joods]

I got along fine before I became an atheist. I mean, look, when I was a christian, I prayed all the time and god didn't do anything. Now I don't pray and I feel better because I'm no longer wasting my time on a mythical sky figure that, even if he was real, wouldn't have helped me anyway.

[LadyForCamus]

I have a very difficult time with this still. I wish I had some advice for you. In all honesty, the thought frequently keeps me awake at night. I think maybe it just takes time to emotionally process the realization, and perhaps it takes longer for some than for others.