Substance Abuse Recovery Thread

[Edwardo Piet]

It is

[Crossless2.0]

Don't beat yourself up, Gemini. Relapses are the norm. Recovery is a process, and you do yourself no favors in the long run by adopting an all-or-nothing attitude toward your recovery and then beating up on yourself when a bad day comes. You slipped. That's not failure or defeat. It's just another day. Hang in there!

For my part, today is day 32 clean. It occurred to me the other night that my 50th birthday will also be my 60th day of sobriety, assuming no relapse in the meantime. I don't fear that I will relapse before then -- or any time soon. I'm feeling steadier and stronger by the day. My nightly group meetings at Townsend, where I'm enrolled in the intensive outpatient program, have been invaluable these past weeks. It's so refreshing to be able to just get it out in a supportive setting with people who've been-there-done-that and only want to see you succeed. I'm not the most touchy-feely person around and hadn't expected to enjoy group as much as I do. But this has been a positive experience so far, and I'm feeling good these days. I'm looking forward to resuming some old interests that fell by the wayside during my period of heaviest use. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life.

I really need to start checking out some local NA meetings, though. I'll be transitioning out of the outpatient program in three weeks and entering the 'continuing care' part of Townsend's services, and I'll need some kind of support network outside that place. The problem I have right now is that I already work crazy hours, and being in this program is like having a part-time job in addition to my actual job. On those days and evenings when going to an outside meeting is possible . . . well, I'd rather just stay home and chill out. But yeah, I need to get on it pretty soon.

[Edwardo Piet]

I love you guys.

[Gemini]

Lapses happen. I doubt there's many alcoholics who haven't had one. Early recovery is a very emotional time anyway -- at least it was (and sometimes still is, even after almost a year) for me. I was prone to anxiety attacks and wild emotional swings, because I wasn't used to feeling these feelings -- I was accustomed to anaesthetizing them. It sounds to me like you were doing a little bit of that.

Yes, I think that's exactly what I was doing. And omg emotional swings! Today it was especially bad. I didn't drink though, and now I'm feeling better. It's almost like I don't need to regulate my emotions by abusing substances...weird!

Be aware as well that holidays, with the stress of family and events, are pretty well-known triggers.

You're doing the right thing, Gem. Get back on the horse and ride some more, and don't beat yourself up for slipping up ... instead, take heart in the fact that you put three weeks sober together, and know that you can beat that.

Much love, hon.

Thanks, Thump

How are things going for you? I'm hoping Christmas will be better than Thanksgiving.

[Edwardo Piet]

Great to see you Gemini!

You'll get there. You're smart.

[Gemini]

Don't beat yourself up, Gemini. Relapses are the norm. Recovery is a process, and you do yourself no favors in the long run by adopting an all-or-nothing attitude toward your recovery and then beating up on yourself when a bad day comes. You slipped. That's not failure or defeat. It's just another day. Hang in there!

For my part, today is day 32 clean.

Congratulations! Did you get a shiny special 30 day chip? I want one!

It occurred to me the other night that my 50th birthday will also be my 60th day of sobriety, assuming no relapse in the meantime. I don't fear that I will relapse before then -- or any time soon. I'm feeling steadier and stronger by the day. My nightly group meetings at Townsend, where I'm enrolled in the intensive outpatient program, have been invaluable these past weeks. It's so refreshing to be able to just get it out in a supportive setting with people who've been-there-done-that and only want to see you succeed. I'm not the most touchy-feely person around and hadn't expected to enjoy group as much as I do.

I thought I was too much of a socially phobic introvert to ever do group, but I seem to be kinda sorta managing it. I'm glad I tried it.

But this has been a positive experience so far, and I'm feeling good these days. I'm looking forward to resuming some old interests that fell by the wayside during my period of heaviest use. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life.

Me too. I really want to start writing again. Or painting. Or just doing weird shit like making up my own alphabets.

I really need to start checking out some local NA meetings, though. I'll be transitioning out of the outpatient program in three weeks and entering the 'continuing care' part of Townsend's services, and I'll need some kind of support network outside that place. The problem I have right now is that I already work crazy hours, and being in this program is like having a part-time job in addition to my actual job. On those days and evenings when going to an outside meeting is possible . . . well, I'd rather just stay home and chill out. But yeah, I need to get on it pretty soon.

A lot of people I've met in AA also do NA. Some groups make a big deal of it just being about alcohol, but most seem to be more laid back. Addiction is addiction.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Lapses happen. I doubt there's many alcoholics who haven't had one. Early recovery is a very emotional time anyway -- at least it was (and sometimes still is, even after almost a year) for me. I was prone to anxiety attacks and wild emotional swings, because I wasn't used to feeling these feelings -- I was accustomed to anaesthetizing them. It sounds to me like you were doing a little bit of that.

Yes, I think that's exactly what I was doing. And omg emotional swings! Today it was especially bad. I didn't drink though, and now I'm feeling better. It's almost like I don't need to regulate my emotions by abusing substances...weird!

Be aware as well that holidays, with the stress of family and events, are pretty well-known triggers.

You're doing the right thing, Gem. Get back on the horse and ride some more, and don't beat yourself up for slipping up ... instead, take heart in the fact that you put three weeks sober together, and know that you can beat that.

Much love, hon.

Thanks, Thump

How are things going for you? I'm hoping Christmas will be better than Thanksgiving.

Great job on staying strong, sweetie. It sure does feel like a victory, right? The cool thing is that we learn that we can do it with days like that.

Things are really good here, thanks for asking. I'm as happy as I've been in a long time, and am stronger for the love and support I'm getting from the people in my life. I do still get urges, but have gotten a good grip on my coping mechanisms.

[Catholic_Lady]

Great to see so much support here and so many strong people fighting through this. 

[AceBoogie]

Smoked some bud and got shitfaced on patron silver last weekend. First time in a long time. Nothing bad happened... Had a really good time, danced with a bunch of girls at the bar and watched my buddies make a fool of themselves. Honestly though it just reminded me of why I don't want to go back to that life.

Two years ago I was shooting heroin and smoking crack on a daily basis and never want to return to that. Drinking and smoking is honestly not worth it. And for anyone considering moderation, I think you'll find its not worth it.

[paulpablo]

Smoked some bud and got shitfaced on patron silver last weekend. First time in a long time. Nothing bad happened...  Had a really good time, danced with a bunch of girls at the bar and watched my buddies make a fool of themselves. Honestly though it just reminded me of why I don't want to go back to that life.  

Two years ago I was shooting heroin and smoking crack on a daily basis and never want to return to that.  Drinking and smoking is honestly not worth it. And for anyone considering moderation, I think you'll find its not worth it.

Are you from the UK?  I don't think I've heard an american use the term shitfaced before.  But then I didn't think many people smoked crack in the UK.