I'm thinking of buy one of these noise bags?

[ignoramus]

Mainly to piss off the neighbours.

(8 door down, just in the next street)



Boru, do you think they'll do the job? How painful are they really? I mean if played by a novice like me?
I might do it at midnight for dramatic effect...

Bella, can you speak to him in your lingo and tell him he's dreaming about the price! Tell him I'll give him $150!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Well, there are some advantages to weaponizing bagpipes. Firstly, don't worry about being a novice - bagpipes sound the same when played by a novice as by an experienced player (I liken the sound to cats being boiled alive). Second, pipes are loud. I mean, really fucking loud. So eight houses down in the next street shouldn't be a problem. I do, however, recommend you play them outdoors in full view of as many people as possible. If you play them inside where people can't see you, the noise may lead people to conclude that you're sexually assaulting a howler monkey and call the authorities on you.

My only problem with your nefarious plot is that if the people you're targeting are eight houses away in a different street, there are going to be a lot of innocent bystanders. While some collateral damage (hearing loss, people flinging themselves out of upper storey windows or in front of a passing lorry, salad forks jammed into ears, etc) is probably unavoidable, you should try to come up with some measures to protect the innocent. And - for the record - people who tell you they like bagpipe 'music' are not to be counted among the innocent.

Finally, if you're concerned about the cost of a set of pipes, you can make your own with a stout canvas bag, a power drill, and a half dozen or so unhealthy rats. Details of construction are left as an exercise for the student. Best of luck.

Boru

[ignoramus]

I really appreciated that belly laugh ... ta.

I believe your reply (as will be stumbled upon by millions in the years to come) will become legend!
I just hope they don't start writing and playing songs in your honour on the fucking bagpipes!

[frankiej]

Bagpipes are evil things. The fact they are associated with this country annoys me even more than the horrible screech they produce. I just can't escape them!

[vorlon13]

Don't forget the Scotty skirt