Unenlightened Rants

[Edwardo Piet]

FUCKING CHAVS! They're everywhere. Smoking in front of their kids. The bastards. Throwing their crap in your bins so you have to empty it out into their bins. The bastards.

Theists. The twats. Thinking there's an Imaginary Guy In The Sky ™. What shitty wankers. There's no such bloke.

Christians. The idiots. Thinking Jesus is coming back. The morons. He's never coming back.

Christians. The morons. Thinking that Jesus necessarily existed at all. Believing in their shitty book despite the fact some goatherders wrote it and it has been re-re-re-re-re-re-re mistranslated over and over.

Muslims. The prats. Thinking they can just ramble a load of bollocks and call it an argument.

Hindus. The silly buggers. Thinking cows are sacred when they're no more special than any other mammals. Thinking there's a giant several armed elephant person as a God.

Buddhists. The shitheads. Thinking people are reincarnated as different animals. I mean why? Based on what? Believing in Karma. Yeah I should totally be punished for what 'I' did in a past life even though I share absolutely nothing in common with that brain so it's effectively not me.

People who believe in ghosts. The tossers. No such thing as ghosts.

Thanks for listening.

[Athene]

Hey, buddy...how ya doin'? Little stressed out, eh? Hey man, we've all been there. Doesn't mean we're bad people. 
The judge'll understand.

You haven't hurt anybody yet. And you don't want to....I can tell.

Just...put it down and you can go home....I promise!

[J a c k]

^^^  

[Athene]

Hey...this is my associate Jack. Jack, do you think we can see about getting my buddy Hammy here something to eat?
I dunno...Thai? Maybe pizza? 

Wait...No, man....we wouldn't put anything in your food. Alright man...chill. Relax, buddy.You only want unopened pre-packaged food, it's not a problem. We can do that. 
Hey...Hey, man....you like Doritos? I fuckin' love Doritos! 

You look like a Cool Ranch kinda guy.

Alright fellas...let's get some Cool Ranch Doritos in here. Now.

[J a c k]

Hey...this is my associate Jack. Jack, do you think we can see about getting my buddy Hammy here something to eat?
I dunno...Thai? Maybe pizza? 

Wait...No, man....we wouldn't put anything in your food. Alright man...chill. Relax, buddy.You only want unopened pre-packaged food, it's not a problem. We can do that. 
Hey...Hey, man....you like Doritos? I fuckin' love Doritos! 

You look like a Cool Ranch kinda guy.

Alright fellas...let's get some Cool Ranch Doritos in here. Now.

Th... Thena? (Whispers) He eats microwaveable burgers.
I can get him tacos, though.

[Athene]

*sighs*

Take over negotiations for 10. I'll be back, Jack.

<walks over to 7-Eleven for Cool Ranch, grumbling about "goddamned rookies">

[J a c k]

[Edwardo Piet]

[ignoramus]

At least I'm safe!

(He never said anything bad about flat erfers or nuffin like that.)

[Edwardo Piet]

This thread is fun. I like my thread. It's also retarded. But so what? It's fun.