RE: the Science of deconversion?
January 20, 2013 at 3:48 am
This thread made me think about my first question posed to a family member of mine whose currently a minister and does bible study.. Sadly, he never replied
Hi Kevin, I certainly don't want to embarrass my mother or anything, she really has been the best mother in God one could ask for..Since I was a baby. Truly, God would be proud of her to no end
But I seriously am re-examining my entire spirituality right now. If there is a God, I don't want to know him anymore.
Mainly, because I've come through a big storm and now that I'm in the calm, I look back wonder just what the point of it all was, and where was God in it? My friends' wrist was slit when he was an innocent, by his own father. Why? Babies are put in microwaves, my other friend fell off a horse and now can't move her body. My moms' client was born to suffer Horribly, day and night from birth? I myself sat there, in a hospital bed, begging and crying for Him to heal me when the evangelists said that someone with my disease was getting cured at that very moment. Then they asked for money. I honestly believed I was cured, before it was confirmed I was not, and was left not at the mercy of God but the mercy of men, who were equally as cruel in their treatment of me.
Still, I held my faith throughout the entirety of my illness--my own father anointed me with oil on my forehead and that same day I ended up hospitalized for a month, part of that time in the ICU sufferring to the max. I know there's those who suffer way worse, every day of their lives..What's the point? What's more, is that when I was dying, crashing in the ICU, all I remember is pain and agony. No comfort, no relief, no happiness. It was dark and scary and all I can remember is what was on the television at the time--a nature special where lions were attacking and killing a helpless gazelle. At that moment I felt what every human must feel, when they're dying and it isn't fulfillment.
It's unimagineably disallusioning to wonder where my Father is and whether I displeased Him and that's why He isn't there? I had always been told that He would hold me and take care of me when I died. I know I didn't die, but all the same it is horrifically frightening to feel so damn alone, dying and leaving those who love me without even knowing what I did to deserve such a fate without even a single sign or word from God? And don't tell me that I'm here because OF Him--I'm here because I've fought to be here, it would belittling to me to be told I was being carried the entire time.
Why must I suffer for the decisions that Adam and Eve made? And if God IS omnipotent, why would He allow those He knows that will end up in hell, to be created in the first place? Why would He demand acknowledgement and adoreation in exchange for an eternal existance WITHOUT sufferring? If He is pure love, then I can't imagine that He would create us for such a purpose--because if it is free will that he is holding up in our case--don't you think it's not loving to create something with stipulations of eternal damnation and suffering? If He truly loves us like he does, and wants us to choose him--why make a consequence at all? Why would someone who Loves us so much, create us knowing that most of us will end up in Hell for ALL TIME? Wouldn't it be better not to be created, than to live eternally, in Hell? Or if God knew that Satan was going to do what he did, why even create him--thus saving all the tens of billions of people throughout history in exchange? Why is Satan more important than all of us?
If Jesus is God, and based on John 3:17 and 3:18 we must acknowledge His sacrifice for us--wouldn't it make sense to explain just what sacrifice was actually made? I don't see one. He knew the end result, so it's like playing cards and rigging them to win. The only one who wins here, IS God. The rest of us lose, for eternity???
Abraham was willing to sacrifice his own son for God, before God decided to sacrifice his son for us. Why would He test Abraham so, unless he was deciding whether or not we were worth the sacrifice of his son?
At this point, the bible shows so many contradictions to the nature of God, in Gods' actions--that I wonder if He is either misrepresented or simply not real.
I don't by any means hold you accountable to answer any of these questions, Kev. I'm just talking aloud--because I've already asked these questions of the Creator. If there is a God out there who deserves to be worshipped, I will do it. But right now, I don't think there is really one. Life certainly hasn't been good to me or anyone I know, for that matter--with Him.