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Social Anxiety
#1
Social Anxiety
How many of you here have issues with Social Anxiety? People do not come up and initiate conversations with me very often, but on the rare instance that they do many times I will just freeze up and give one word answers or answer in some monotoned voice. I've tried to force myself to be more outgoing in the past but I think I came off too fake. Does anyone have suggestions on what has worked for you in the past?

oops. I should have put it in life sciences.
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#2
RE: Social Anxiety
I have a cousin with 'severe' social anxiety. IIRC, he was on an antidepressant for several years. He's using (abusing) alcohol these days and is actually pretty gregarious when he's hammered.


I'm not recommending ethanol as a palliative, he's developing other serious health concerns as he deteriorates, but at least now he has some drinking buddies that might actually care if he croaks.
 The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it. 




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#3
RE: Social Anxiety
Welcome, Bahana! Perhaps guided social skill development under the direction of a therapist would be helpful. Or you could mentally rehearse a variety of social situations so you can feel more prepared for them.
I'm not anti-Christian. I'm anti-stupid.
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#4
RE: Social Anxiety
Partly why I seem to hate it more these days is because the common small talk questions that people ask are subjects that I do not want to talk about like family and work. I really overthink things and examine social situations after they occur and I know that's a bad habit.
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#5
RE: Social Anxiety
My social anxiety expresses itself by talking too much to try and fill the awkwardness that I assume I'm causing.
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#6
RE: Social Anxiety
I don't (think) I have it, but many here seem to. They'll probably have better advice.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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#7
RE: Social Anxiety
I used to be terrified to stand in front of class and give book reports in school. A few years ago I had to inservice staff at a health care facility. When I began my chair tipped over backwards and so did I. No problem, just stand up and say "Ta Da!!"! 

Experience is sometimes curative.
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






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#8
RE: Social Anxiety
I am socially anxious, I think I was a lot worse when I was younger.  It's still weird with me now because in general people say I'm anti social I am and I should get out more, but I also get compliments that people love to talk to me for hours, I can keep a convo going easily and people feel really comfortable telling me everything.

But this is a list off the top of my head of things that I think helped me.....

1) Listening to other people talk.  I listen to a lot of podcasts with a preference for topics on comedy or interesting facts.  I think this helped because I would always think that I shouldn't say something if it's weird, too extreme or too random.  But listening to comedians and entertainers talk made me realize that stuff can be really funny and interesting just because it's so random or extreme.

2) Practice. Some people seem to be naturally gifted socially but I think other people have to practice, I think it helped me.  To cut a long story short my progression basically went from online typing, to phone convo, to in person convo.  This relates to what I mentioned in the previous paragraph about saying random or extreme things, with practice of saying things that maybe considered random or extreme you find out what in general gets laughs and positive reactions vs negative reactions.  This is easy online because there's not as much social pressure and you can skip from person to person from convo to convo.

3) Doing things that make you confident.  For me going to the gym and feeling fit is what get's my confidence higher, but it could be any sort of skill or achievement.

4)  For me personally it helped me to realize that I am just anti social to an extent and that no amount of practise or confidence will help me talk to some people in some situations because deep down I really just don't want to.  I don't find everyone interesting to talk to, I don't like a lot of people, a lot of people will never like me and I don't have any interest in trying hard to change it.


Are you ready for the fire? We are firemen. WE ARE FIREMEN! The heat doesn’t bother us. We live in the heat. We train in the heat. It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home, we’re where we’re supposed to be. Flames don’t intimidate us. What do we do? We control the flame. We control them. We move the flames where we want to. And then we extinguish them.

Impersonation is treason.





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#9
RE: Social Anxiety
Paul has some good advice. I was much more socially awkward in my teens and 20s but social confidence can definitely be learned with experience and practice. I can make small talk although sometimes I think it's excruciatingly boring. But I go along to be - you know - sociable. Smile
Nowadays, I see my social awkwardness as a feature, not a fault.

-Teresa
.
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#10
RE: Social Anxiety
I was very socially confident as a kid, but in retrospect, I feel like nobody really liked me. They more hung out with me out of pity. I was a NASCAR addict who wanted to be an airline CEO and tow truck driver. I listened to smooth jazz/new age (Kenny G, Yanni, Dave Grusin-type music), which was popular with all my peers' parents. I was a big aviation buff, as well, but not the glamourous fighters that you saw in Top Gun. I liked airliners. 

I just had no interest in pop culture, as my peers experienced it. I couldn't even name the #1 hit songs of my tween and teenhood. 

I think my first move, to Florida, kind of started to change things for me, good and bad. On the first day, the neighborhood kids introduced themselves. Four girls from 10-14 who would always be in their swimsuits and always hang out together, so they all seemed the same age. I was 15. I was very interested. But I'd always do awkward things like space out when they had convos I couldn't relate to (school friends, music, sports). Plus, I would never reciprocate. I was just too terrified to. I'd wait for them to come over. 

Eventually that all fizzled, but they all did come over to say goodbye when I moved away to Arizona. In Arizona, I finished high school. The lunch crowd I was with was anchored by two very pretty girls, and whoever joined us that day. I got more into pop music, albeit kind of oddly. This was 1993 and I liked They Might Be Giants, Boston, and Steppenwolf. And still some smooth jazz. Still kind of a weird young man, but at least trying, and kind of making some headway. 

Chose a college in Vermont that was very small and isolated. In retrospect, it was a bad place to be (though I loved Vermont). I became very isolated and really irritated by everybody. I always had my BFF, whoever that was at the time, but it was like I didn't have a want for anybody else. Didn't want the distraction. Poor BFF's. 

Went to a university with an NCAA D-1 sports program for a several semesters, but struggled with studying and balancing my time. No BFFs, but many friendly acquaintances. I don't like going to people's houses. I "socialize" by going to sports events or district council meetings. Which means I listen and watch more than talk. 


Nowadays, I think that is still my status quo.

I'm rambling and am not sure what my point is. I definitely have some level of social anxiety, but I rarely get close enough to a person to test it.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
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