How to clean out an infestation of muslims?

[I_am_not_mafia]

As you know, I live in the country of Europe and we're currently being over run by muslims who are out breeding the natives.

Well I woke up last night a bit groggy from too much drink and walked into the kitchen to get some water. When I switched the light on I found a muslim eating the crumbs off my floor. He scurried away before I could do anything and ran into the boiler room. I think he got in by running along the pipe going into the roof because there's a huge gap between it and the ceiling. My worries are that now he's here he's going to bring his family in and start breeding faster than me. I don't want to walk into the kitchen drunk and naked one night after copulating to find that a no-go area has been set up with a strict interpretation of Sharia law. Sure, I live in rented accommodation but I might lose my deposit.

I've set up humane muslim traps and plugged some ultrasonic music-emitting repellants into my electrical sockets. I'm wondering about getting a dog because I've heard that muslims don't like those.

I've seen news articles about entire houses becoming Islamized and am worried that it might happen in my own home.

[brewer]

You need to place toxins in the female head gear that they love and then leave it around. Once the breeders go it's only a matter of time.

[I_am_not_mafia]

You need to place toxins in the female head gear that they love and then leave it around. Once the breeders go it's only a matter of time.

I like wearing hats myself. I wouldn't want them to get contaminated with toxins.

I did wonder about buying them their own kitchen if they promise to leave. You often see hoardes of muslims walking around Europe carrying brand new kitchen sinks and cutlery drawers. I worry that they might be the Schrodinger species of muslims which simultaneously eat all my food while preparing me a competitively priced curry every evening because I'm too lazy to do it myself.

[purplepurpose]

Holy Crusade will fix it all and more.

[brewer]

Hide their shoes during prayer.

[Edwardo Piet]

Have you tried laying a slice of bacon in each corner of every room? I've heard that does wonders for dealing with the ol' Muslim infestation problem.

Failing that, try leaving our a plate of complete absence of food for them at night, next to your favorite very own trusty homemade spring-operated muslim trap. Make sure you do it during Ramadan though. I hear that them muslims are awfully excited over the ol' plate of complete absence of food during Ramadan season or something or other stuff and nonsense ramble ramble back where they came from yay Brexit Trump and other awful bigoted things that make me feel like I might vomit toxic bile out of my pee hole during a spasm of pure disgust at myself for even playing a hypothetical character that satirizes such viewpoints that I in fact strongly disagree with.

[I_am_not_mafia]

Have you tried laying a slice of bacon in each corner of every room? I've heard that does wonders for dealing with the ol' Muslim infestation problem.

Yeah I tried that. Didn't work. Although I do wonder if maybe I should have killed the pig and sliced it, but it looked at me with such doleful eyes ...

---

Aha! I might have found something. Apparently muslims hate democracy and our western values. So I've installed a ballot box in the kitchen with a question printed on the side "Who should stack the dishwasher?". I'm also setting up a puppet dictatorship in the boiler room and selling it weapons for access to all the fossil fuels stored there.

[DLJ]

As you know, I live in the country of Europe and we're currently being over run by muslims who are out breeding the natives.
...

Hyphen-humour.

Apologies... it's the Aspie brain. I now have mental images of a kinda Chelsea Flower Show or Crufts where hobbyists show their new breeds of natives.

[LastPoet]

Adopt one of those midget piglets.

You can thank me later. That or contact the cat network, our agents will claw out their eyes out before the kill, at a price, sure, but we are going for cheaper market aiming for those that cannot afford an assassination.

[I_am_not_mafia]

As you know, I live in the country of Europe and we're currently being over run by muslims who are out breeding the natives.
...

Hyphen-humour.

Apologies... it's the Aspie brain.  I now have mental images of a kinda Chelsea Flower Show or Crufts where hobbyists show their new breeds of natives.

I gave up trying to breed natives when I moved to Scotland. I gave them a nice sunny spot on the windowsill but they just kept wilting instead.