Passive-aggressive?

[bennyboy]

Both of my husbands have used it against me, particularly the emotional stonewalling, silent treatment things.  I think maybe men and women just tend to use different aspects of it, but likely women use it more broadly.

Hmmm. . . yeah I've done that. I've been in states of rage so absolute that it felt like my choices were murder or stone-dead silence.

[Aroura]

OMG, and I totally hit you with that a while back, didn't I!?  I'm sorry.  As I said later, I know I am guilty of this behavior myself (though I hope it isn't constant).  It is something I am now more self aware of and will try to limit.

I don't recall that, stop the guilt train. I think we all use PA to some extent. It's the people that use it as a manipulation tool that irritate me the most.

In dealing with PA people I either call them out or turn it back on them, usually with sarcasm.

Does it make you feel guilty that I remember this?  Or are you saying I shouldn't feel guilty?  I'm sorry, honestly a bit confused here. 
I do actually feel guilty whenever I do bullshit like this.  A remnant of my Catholic upbringing I suppose (and some other stuff I'm going to start a new thread about eventually here).

[brewer]

I don't recall that, stop the guilt train. I think we all use PA to some extent. It's the people that use it as a manipulation tool that irritate me the most.

In dealing with PA people I either call them out or turn it back on them, usually with sarcasm.

Does it make you feel guilty that I remember this?  Or are you saying I shouldn't feel guilty?  I'm sorry, honestly a bit confused here. 
I do actually feel guilty whenever I do bullshit like this.  A remnant of my Catholic upbringing I suppose (and some other stuff I'm going to start a new thread about eventually here).

You shouldn't feel guilty. If I don't remember it then there was no significance for me, therefore no guilt for you.  

Actually catholic explains a lot. Try to resist mentally saying a Hail Mary. As I say this I know it's probably to late.

[Whateverist]

Do you know any passive-aggressive people in your life?  How do you deal with them?

Over time I've become more aware of my tendencies and have made good progress in changing them.

[Aroura]

Does it make you feel guilty that I remember this?  Or are you saying I shouldn't feel guilty?  I'm sorry, honestly a bit confused here. 
I do actually feel guilty whenever I do bullshit like this.  A remnant of my Catholic upbringing I suppose (and some other stuff I'm going to start a new thread about eventually here).

You shouldn't feel guilty. If I don't remember it then there was no significance for me, therefore no guilt for you.  

Actually catholic explains a lot. Try to resist mentally saying a Hail Mary. As I say this I know it's probably to late.

Lol.    But I do appreciate it.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I was once in a rather heated argument with a girlfriend when she said, 'Look, I realize I can be passive-aggressive sometimes...' and I jumped in with, 'Really?  When do I get to see the "passive" bit?'

It was at that point she became an ex-girlfriend.

Boru

[Whateverist]

I was once in a rather heated argument with a girlfriend when she said, 'Look, I realize I can be passive-aggressive sometimes...' and I jumped in with, 'Really?  When do I get to see the "passive" bit?'

It was at that point she became an ex-girlfriend.

Boru

I'd call your side in this exchange at least "understated aggression".  

[emjay]

I'd say it's something I'm aware of doing or wanting to do sometimes, but it's not something I like doing, and generally try to check it if I catch myself at it. I'd take it to mean, at least in social circles including online like here; if any time you say something you have someone or something specific in mind but don't reference them/it, I'd call that the passive part... you imply rather than explicitly state, sometimes more subtly than others. But I'd say it can be not only aggression but also praise that can follow the passive part, depending on whether you feel positively or negatively about the unstated person/thing in mind.... so I'd say passive-praise is also a thing. I think the more specific the implication... ie the more likely it is to be understood by others who or what it's referring to... the more uncomfortable and wrong it feels to do if it's aggressive.

[paulpablo]

Everyone I know including me uses these types of aggression.

My girlfriend uses passive aggressiveness with the devastation of a suicide bomber.

I use passive aggressive behaviour but I'm more likely to get impatient with the indirect approach and get on with a straight forward argument.

There's one particular person in work who I'm sure does the failure to complete tasks one. If you explain he needs to be somewhere at a certain time he will be at least one minute late, and not for any good reason, he will just loiter around until he's late, ask him to take something somewhere and he will go out of his way to walk further just to not do what you ask.

[Aroura]

I'm not sure it this is insightful or stupid, but it occured to me that we discourage emotional displays in boys, except for aggressive ones, which are encouraged. And we do the exact opposite for girls. Aggressive behavior in women is seen as really vulgar and unnatural, but we encourage other types of emotional display.

It's no wonder we are all fucked up.