I grew up in a somewhat Traditional Evangelical home. I've mentioned it in other post, but to start, I grew up from a toddler age with my grandparents. It wasn't my mom didn't love me, but at the time she had me she had a messy break up with my dad, who didn't want any kids, from how it sounds I think he wanted her to 'get rid' of me. She refused, they broke up, she lived with my grandmother then had me. At the time, she was just getting on her feet, starting to date my step-dad, and thought it best that my grandparents raise me as I don't think, at the time, she was stable enough to provide for me, that and I was rather attached to my grandparents. I call my grandparents 'mom' and 'dad' as they became more of my parents, and my real mom is okay with this. (Though the confusion with my sisters and my little's sister's denial I wasn't her cousin or aunt was funny.).
So, I grew up in the early two-thousands but was raised much like a late 90's kid due to being with my grandparents, and because of this they were bible thumping, god fearing, church goers. Mainly my late grandfather was, I loved dad dearly and miss him now, but his preaching did get old after a while. I cried alot during his death, but at the same time, as I got older I did get ready for this to happen. Though, there are times I miss hi preaching, even if I don't believe it now. But as a kid I went to a very local, knit tight church of mostly good friends, who we are still friends with now, before it was disbanded due to not being able to pay rent on the church we used, I was 10 or 11.
My dad never did find another church for a while, he had one for a few months, but I think he found out they were more about the money than the word of god. At least, that was his excuse, so after that I never went to church much, even though he wanted us two. He gave sermons at the house, I think mostly just for himself, and preached to us. My mom said that without god he could have been a lot more harsher and sour of a man, which never gave me comfort to say the least. Thinking my dad, who I loved, could have been abusive was it not for god.
I never really did believe as they taught me as I grew up, I mean, I believed in god, but never once did I push my thoughts on others. Nor did I think that I should, as I was taught my first days of Sunday School to love others as god loves us. I took this to heart as a kid. But, that didn't mean I had it easy, religion gave me alot of fears that gave me nightmares of hell fire, once and anxiety attack, and made me wonder if love was the main part of religion or not. Mostly, when I told my mom I saw nothing wrong with gays, she gave me a sob story to make me think I was going to hell, but did nothing to tell me I wasn't, just that I needed to see Gay as a sin to not go to hell.
That was the day I started to question my views, I was in highschool at the time, and my middle years, Junior and Sophomore, was me doing some in and outs. I possibly annoyed alot of my RP friends as I wanted to roleplay our cute gay couple, but the fear of HellFire was deeply rooted in my mind. It wasn't until my senior year and summer before senior year, that I found out about Atheists, a term I never heard before. I remember I was lost, confused, and wondered why I should hate gays. So, I did what any of my generation does, and googled it. This lead me to the Amazing Atheist, who still is my favorite Atheist Youtuber.
I found alot of things were wrong with the religion I grew up with, much of my foundation I built myself on were not really accepted by Christians. Such as tolerance for other, not talking about religion to others who really don't want to hear it, or the love they talked about so much. So many explains of everyday people, even people I've met IRL, who never practiced what they preached. I then did review video of the bible and did some more searching. Finding then the contradictions the amount of death, and wondered why my god, who is suppose to be loving, could be so cruel enough to damn me, at little girl at the time, for thinking gays weren't wrong?
This sparked the start of my Atheist years. But, the truth be told, I've seen so much in my life that logic couldn't ever explain. From my friend tarot cards reading, that predicted my grandfathers death, my job, success in school and among other things. Some thing that many of you might find just a coincidence, but hit to real for me.
Or dreams I've had of the future, one that lead me away from the church that was of my in church during the 'End Time's. Everyone was praying, but I strayed away, they begged me not to open the doors to let the 'devil' in. But when I opened them, the sky was blue, the birds were chirping, and when I looked back inside the church it was old, dusty, rotting, and run down, like no one had been there in years. That's when I stepped into the sunlight, and woke up.
Or the fact that I get feelings, like reading another energy or can tell if they are a nice person. I've seen a ghost in my life, and had a rather evil one around my house.
Most of this might seen crazy to you all, but life is based on experiences. I don't believe in a god persay, but more so in the fact there is something out there, but it has no name to give. It just is. I can't explain it, and I can't give proof as I can't show you my experiences or make you relive them. And I understand this, if you can respect my strange belief, however irrational it may be, then i can accept you all see me this way.
I'll never force my belief on another, I find it repulsive to do so, and I'll never tell you 'my way is the only way' and so on.
My strongest belief is that we make our own path, sometimes even our own gods, in life. What we see and hear is all our own, and it's what shapes us into who we are. I find if you believe something, not because it's been drilled in your head all your life or because of fear, but rather because it's on your own experience with it, then your the better person. Be that non-believer or believer, religion or not, it's what you hold to be real, and if it makes you a better person for it then I don't think you need to be 'saved' or whatever it's called.
I wish more people would see this, yelling that a person should believe my way or no way, is never going to work on them. Why can't we all just respect it, but not allow it dictate others lives. Its our own personal thing, kind of like porn, we know you have a stash of it, but we don't want to know what it is, where it is, or what it makes others do. You like it, it gives you happiness, makes it to where you aren't hurting others, that's all the matters
I'm also still open for debates and arguments about religion itself. Like I am for separation of church and state. I'm for pro-choice, I think religion and politics are too horrible ideas that some abomination created to fuck humanity over. I find the circular reasoning to be pure bullshit, if you believe it because a book tells you, then you really don't believe it. I also find apologetic to be annoying, there are shitheads in the world, we get not all are like that, but if the shitheads have the loudest voice, what do you think is going to happen.
I see myself as agnostic, but also having common sense.
So, I grew up in the early two-thousands but was raised much like a late 90's kid due to being with my grandparents, and because of this they were bible thumping, god fearing, church goers. Mainly my late grandfather was, I loved dad dearly and miss him now, but his preaching did get old after a while. I cried alot during his death, but at the same time, as I got older I did get ready for this to happen. Though, there are times I miss hi preaching, even if I don't believe it now. But as a kid I went to a very local, knit tight church of mostly good friends, who we are still friends with now, before it was disbanded due to not being able to pay rent on the church we used, I was 10 or 11.
My dad never did find another church for a while, he had one for a few months, but I think he found out they were more about the money than the word of god. At least, that was his excuse, so after that I never went to church much, even though he wanted us two. He gave sermons at the house, I think mostly just for himself, and preached to us. My mom said that without god he could have been a lot more harsher and sour of a man, which never gave me comfort to say the least. Thinking my dad, who I loved, could have been abusive was it not for god.
I never really did believe as they taught me as I grew up, I mean, I believed in god, but never once did I push my thoughts on others. Nor did I think that I should, as I was taught my first days of Sunday School to love others as god loves us. I took this to heart as a kid. But, that didn't mean I had it easy, religion gave me alot of fears that gave me nightmares of hell fire, once and anxiety attack, and made me wonder if love was the main part of religion or not. Mostly, when I told my mom I saw nothing wrong with gays, she gave me a sob story to make me think I was going to hell, but did nothing to tell me I wasn't, just that I needed to see Gay as a sin to not go to hell.
That was the day I started to question my views, I was in highschool at the time, and my middle years, Junior and Sophomore, was me doing some in and outs. I possibly annoyed alot of my RP friends as I wanted to roleplay our cute gay couple, but the fear of HellFire was deeply rooted in my mind. It wasn't until my senior year and summer before senior year, that I found out about Atheists, a term I never heard before. I remember I was lost, confused, and wondered why I should hate gays. So, I did what any of my generation does, and googled it. This lead me to the Amazing Atheist, who still is my favorite Atheist Youtuber.
I found alot of things were wrong with the religion I grew up with, much of my foundation I built myself on were not really accepted by Christians. Such as tolerance for other, not talking about religion to others who really don't want to hear it, or the love they talked about so much. So many explains of everyday people, even people I've met IRL, who never practiced what they preached. I then did review video of the bible and did some more searching. Finding then the contradictions the amount of death, and wondered why my god, who is suppose to be loving, could be so cruel enough to damn me, at little girl at the time, for thinking gays weren't wrong?
This sparked the start of my Atheist years. But, the truth be told, I've seen so much in my life that logic couldn't ever explain. From my friend tarot cards reading, that predicted my grandfathers death, my job, success in school and among other things. Some thing that many of you might find just a coincidence, but hit to real for me.
Or dreams I've had of the future, one that lead me away from the church that was of my in church during the 'End Time's. Everyone was praying, but I strayed away, they begged me not to open the doors to let the 'devil' in. But when I opened them, the sky was blue, the birds were chirping, and when I looked back inside the church it was old, dusty, rotting, and run down, like no one had been there in years. That's when I stepped into the sunlight, and woke up.
Or the fact that I get feelings, like reading another energy or can tell if they are a nice person. I've seen a ghost in my life, and had a rather evil one around my house.
Most of this might seen crazy to you all, but life is based on experiences. I don't believe in a god persay, but more so in the fact there is something out there, but it has no name to give. It just is. I can't explain it, and I can't give proof as I can't show you my experiences or make you relive them. And I understand this, if you can respect my strange belief, however irrational it may be, then i can accept you all see me this way.
I'll never force my belief on another, I find it repulsive to do so, and I'll never tell you 'my way is the only way' and so on.
My strongest belief is that we make our own path, sometimes even our own gods, in life. What we see and hear is all our own, and it's what shapes us into who we are. I find if you believe something, not because it's been drilled in your head all your life or because of fear, but rather because it's on your own experience with it, then your the better person. Be that non-believer or believer, religion or not, it's what you hold to be real, and if it makes you a better person for it then I don't think you need to be 'saved' or whatever it's called.
I wish more people would see this, yelling that a person should believe my way or no way, is never going to work on them. Why can't we all just respect it, but not allow it dictate others lives. Its our own personal thing, kind of like porn, we know you have a stash of it, but we don't want to know what it is, where it is, or what it makes others do. You like it, it gives you happiness, makes it to where you aren't hurting others, that's all the matters
I'm also still open for debates and arguments about religion itself. Like I am for separation of church and state. I'm for pro-choice, I think religion and politics are too horrible ideas that some abomination created to fuck humanity over. I find the circular reasoning to be pure bullshit, if you believe it because a book tells you, then you really don't believe it. I also find apologetic to be annoying, there are shitheads in the world, we get not all are like that, but if the shitheads have the loudest voice, what do you think is going to happen.
I see myself as agnostic, but also having common sense.
