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Partner is suddenly very religious |
#11
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
(December 17, 2018 at 12:01 pm)wyzas Wrote: I live with a catholic wife and we get alone fine. 

(my bold)

Sigmund Freud would say you are suppressing a hidden desire to spend time away from your wife, wyzas. Then again, most of Freud's ideas have been thoroughly debunked by contemporaries in the field. Based on my own assessments and research, I very much prefer sex with my own mother--err!-- I mean, other approaches to psychology.
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#12
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
(December 17, 2018 at 2:46 pm)vulcanlogician Wrote:
(December 17, 2018 at 12:01 pm)wyzas Wrote: I live with a catholic wife and we get alone fine. 

(my bold)

Sigmund Freud would say you are suppressing a hidden desire to spend time away from your wife, wyzas. Then again, most of Freud's ideas have been thoroughly debunked by contemporaries in the field. Based on my own assessments and research, I very much prefer sex with my own mother--err!-- I mean, other approaches to psychology.

jesus fucking muhammad, I've got to learn to proof read!
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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#13
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
I would 100% talk to my husband about it if this were our situation. I can only tell you what I think as it relates to my life, but not talking about it could lead to her indoctrination and your unhappiness. I understand her need for community. Maybe suggest a sort-of secular church, such as Unitarian Universalist? Or a knitting circle.
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#14
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
(December 17, 2018 at 12:27 pm)JohnnyCash Wrote:
(December 17, 2018 at 12:01 pm)wyzas Wrote:
(December 17, 2018 at 11:14 am)JohnnyCash Wrote: Is this limited to religion or is there a bigger issue? Does this church have a name? Do you think it's a cult (books telling her what to think)?

I live with a catholic wife and we get alone fine. 

Well, for the most part, she still squeezes the tooth paste tube wrong.

Thanks for the reply.

It’s a Baptist church. It’s probably not that extreme, it just seems that way when I sneak peeks at the books - content makes me uncomfortable.
She’s just had depression, and I don’t want her to join this because of any vulnerability.

As much as anything else I think you for your “I’ve got a Christian wife, we are ok” comment. I think that’s what I wanted to hear. Do you ever/often talk religion? Do you go to her church?

Is it out of order and also patronising to say “be careful not to take everything to literally” and “make sure you are looking at stuff critically”.


I think I know the answer.
I've been married 20 years to a Catholic woman, we've had a few bumps but nothing too big, so it can be done, over time you learn where the some of the  "few no go" areas are for both of us, we don't really argue about those things, because at this point we already know what the other one's reply will be.
I'm actually not sure if I'd want my wife to completely lose her faith, she's a palliative care nurse, and sees people die on a regular basis, she doesn't go to church as much as she used to but, sometimes she goes just to get some peace. She doesn't even make the kids go to church anymore.

She knows that I know the bible better then she does, I know she doesn't necessarily believe in god because of what's in the bible. I go the baptisms and the weddings and stuff like that maybe twice a year, mainly because of the dinners that usually comes afterward. I can handle the church sermons for the most part, but there have been a few times over the years I had to get up and walk out.

EDIT: BTW Don't sneak peeks a her books, open them and read, let her know your reading them. I still read religious texts from time to time, most of the religious texts in my house are mine.
A friend in the hole
 
"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard

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#15
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
She's your wife, and you're concerned you might lose her to religion if you do anything drastic, so I'd say the last thing you want to do is challenge her beliefs (this is your IRL wife, not your resident AF theist). Criticizing her beliefs will just put her on the defensive and make things worse, so don't do that. She doesn't want to share with you her beliefs because she doesn't trust that you'll be supportive about that. So be supportive (show her that you're there for her and want to listen with an open heart) and let her experience what she wants to experience. When she asks you for your thoughts, use some tact and make sure you don't make her feel stupid for holding these beliefs. If you're patient, and you do it right, she'll likely get over it eventually. And if not, then at the least her joining the church won't be as much of a problem as it seems to be now (sometimes to solve a problem, you just have to trivialize it).
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#16
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
If she goes anti-vax on you, then you can worry.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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#17
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
(December 17, 2018 at 6:42 pm)Grandizer Wrote: She's your wife, and you're concerned you might lose her to religion if you do anything drastic, so I'd say the last thing you want to do is challenge her beliefs (this is your IRL wife, not your resident AF theist). Criticizing her beliefs will just put her on the defensive and make things worse, so don't do that. She doesn't want to share with you her beliefs because she doesn't trust that you'll be supportive about that. So be supportive (show her that you're there for her and want to listen with an open heart) and let her experience what she wants to experience. When she asks you for your thoughts, use some tact and make sure you don't make her feel stupid for holding these beliefs. If you're patient, and you do it right, she'll likely get over it eventually. And if not, then at the least her joining the church won't be as much of a problem as it seems to be now (sometimes to solve a problem, you just have to trivialize it).

If things are that delicate, then the foundations of the relationship probably weren't strong to start with... (a general statement only)
People stray for many reasons. It's also natural for people to grow apart ... Attack the root cause ... Have it out. Be brutally honest.
All relationships are based on compromise ...or more to the point, how much one is prepared to compromise for the other's happiness.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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#18
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
Check Post #3. We have an idea what part of the problem is.

She's decided it's not a good idea to share her beliefs/thoughts with him.
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#19
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
yeah, it sounds like there might have been a communication barrier prior to her "indoctrination". Were you anti-religious to teh point she would assume you're hostile towards her beliefs. All good advice I've seen in here so far except Shell's advice. Those Universalists can't match a Baptist luncheon. Seriously though, if she's getting something from it and it helps her be better, what's the harm? Better to be supportive and open than uncommunicative. I encourage fellow church members to challenge their views, so hopefully she's not in a church that doesn't allow questions. Those are not fun.
"There ought to be a term that would designate those who actually follow the teachings of Jesus, since the word 'Christian' has been largely divorced from those teachings, and so polluted by fundamentalists that it has come to connote their polar opposite: intolerance, vindictive hatred, and bigotry." -- Philip Stater, Huffington Post

always working on cleaning my windows- me regarding Johari
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#20
RE: Partner is suddenly very religious |
The only church I've ever felt comfortable in was a Universalist church. It was beautiful and had this antique organ that I was gorgeous. They made us fried dough and the best cup of tea I've ever had in my life.
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