Partner is suddenly very religious |

[JohnnyCash]

My wife has suddenly started becoming very religious. I don’t want to tell her what to think, but it’s making me very awkward.
Friends have started buying her books which I don’t believe in. I feel like I want to talk to her, but can’t.
I’m worried it could make us drift apart.

[brewer]

Hello man in black. 

You'll have to tell me a lot more before I consider this thread sincere.

[JohnnyCash]

Ok. Well we were both athiests/agnostics when we met. I’ve always been a bit negative about religion. We are married now, with kids.
She started being interested in the church as a place to meet people (other mums) , and she likes the community feeling.

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She doesnt share stuff with me, because she knows what I think.
But friends from the church have started giving her the bible and other books telling her what to think. I feel like I want to talk to her or tell her the opposite, but like I said I don’t really want to be telling her what to think.

[Angrboda]

You'll need to talk to her. Not about what you believe and think, so much as what you feel. Putting that off is likely just going to make things worse, unless you commit to accepting whatever comes.

[brewer]

Ok. Well we were both athiests/agnostics when we met. I’ve always been a bit negative about religion. We are married now, with kids.
She started being interested in the church as a place to meet people (other mums) , and she likes the community feeling.

---

She doesnt share stuff with me, because she knows what I think.
But friends from the church have started giving her the bible and other books telling her what to think. I feel like I want to talk to her or tell her the opposite, but like I said I don’t really want to be telling her what to think.

Is this limited to religion or is there a bigger issue? Does this church have a name? Do you think it's a cult (books telling her what to think)?

I live with a catholic wife and we get alone fine. 

Well, for the most part, she still squeezes the tooth paste tube wrong.

[JohnnyCash]

[quote='JohnnyCash' pid='1869196' dateline='1545059671']


Is this limited to religion or is there a bigger issue? Does this church have a name? Do you think it's a cult (books telling her what to think)?

I live with a catholic wife and we get alone fine. 

Well, for the most part, she still squeezes the tooth paste tube wrong.

Thanks for the reply.

It’s a Baptist church. It’s probably not that extreme, it just seems that way when I sneak peeks at the books - content makes me uncomfortable.
She’s just had depression, and I don’t want her to join this because of any vulnerability.

As much as anything else I think you for your “I’ve got a Christian wife, we are ok” comment. I think that’s what I wanted to hear. Do you ever/often talk religion? Do you go to her church?

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Is it out of order and also patronising to say “be careful not to take everything to literally” and “make sure you are looking at stuff critically”.


I think I know the answer.

[vulcanlogician]

Thanks for the reply.

It’s a Baptist church. It’s probably not that extreme, it just seems that way when I sneak peeks at the books - content makes me uncomfortable.
She’s just had depression, and I don’t want her to join this because of any vulnerability.

As much as anything else I think you for your “I’ve got a Christian wife, we are ok” comment. I think that’s what I wanted to hear. Do you ever/often talk religion? Do you go to her church?

My Dad was a lifelong agnostic/not-give-a-fuckist who leapt onto the Baptist train later in life. Since he spent so much time as a nonbeliever, it was easy for me to connect with him on that level. I'd inquire as as to what was being advanced from the pulpit or being taught in these "classes" he was encouraged to take. He'd rattle off some silly shit, and I'd offer up the skeptical angle on things. They were actually pretty fun conversations. My Dad's church was big on strawman arguments. Pretty easy to knock down what they were advancing, but I made sure not to come off as hostile.

My advice: be understanding of your partner's foray into religion. Talk to her about it. Listen to her. (And if you you feel like shaking your head while listening, instead make eye contact and nod your head. If you feel like rolling your eyes, don't-- instead say "interesting..." and nod your head some more.) But don't be afraid to offer a counterpoint to the Baptist's point. The thing is, she is getting some kind of fulfillment out of it or she wouldn't be going there. The last thing she needs is someone who doesn't understand something that makes her feel better. Your job (as I see it) is to support her decisions while at the same time challenging any silly ideas she might acquire.

[brewer]

[quote pid='1869224' dateline='1545062497']
Thanks for the reply.

It’s a Baptist church. It’s probably not that extreme, it just seems that way when I sneak peeks at the books - content makes me uncomfortable.
She’s just had depression, and I don’t want her to join this because of any vulnerability.

As much as anything else I think you for your “I’ve got a Christian wife, we are ok” comment. I think that’s what I wanted to hear. Do you ever/often talk religion? Do you go to her church?

---

Is it out of order and also patronising to say “be careful not to take everything to literally” and “make sure you are looking at stuff critically”.


I think I know the answer.

What do you mean "had depression"? Is it situational?

My wife and I have talked religion for years. So much so that we now tease each other about it, we're that comfortable with the subject. And no, I don't attend her church, she does not go that often any more, but I would attend if the occasion required it (from her point of view). 

Yeah, don't say "be careful". Start the dialogue more open with something like "what do you think about..............". I'm pretty sure that she knows what you think.

[LastPoet]

Yes, best speak earnestly with her since she knows your stance. Mabe its just mums and gossip and that socializing stuff that she is enjoying.

Gods have nothing to do with it. I say this from an ex catholic perspective. Usually its about socializing and finding a venue to do that.

Just talk to her. It is your wife after all.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Not communicating is stupid.