I strongly doubt that I love my dad

[Der/die AtheistIn]

I made posts in the past in which I complained about him and questioned my love for him. It seems to me that as time goes by I become more and more convinced that I don't love him. He does love me, but I don't feel the same. He did very nice things for me in the past, but I feel drained from the bad ones. If after an entire childhood I end up not loving him, what's the point of even trying to have a relationship with him? Even if he does change his ways, how can I see him as "my father"? During this stage in life you don't need your parents as much and it would be ridiculous for an adult to search for a parent or parental figure. Why try to "be his kid" now?

[Rhizomorph13]

I'm not sure what happened between you and your dad but I had a bad relationship with my dad due to him yelling at me when I didn't agree with him. Pretty simple, he was just a mean asshole sometimes or he would ignore me when I came over and that made me rage at him. I would have had nothing to do with him except that my mom was with him and I love her very much and like to talk to her so I kept him in my life just because he lived in the same house. I got married and my wife really liked him; he was quite funny now and again. Anyway, he softened with age and we had some really fun times near the end of his life even though he wasn't very mobile. It was good for me because I got to forgive him over time and even though he never directly apologized for his behavior he did understand the problems he caused me. He is dead now and I have no regrets, I miss him.

There is nothing like establishing an equal relationship with your parents. My mother and I had problems too; she yelled a lot and hit me (He hit me too). We had a lot of really fun times though so I didn't feel as mad at her as I did my dad. Once I established an equal relationship with my mom (it took a few years) we got along great. She would still try to take the parental role with me but I just kept re-establishing my boundaries.

[arewethereyet]

I learned the hard way and way too late that my mother was the source of the division between my father and I.

In the little time we had left we talked, he apologized...we cleared up things that caused the rift between us that were based on mommy dearest's lies. I wish we had done it sooner but it never would have happened as long as they were still together.

There's no excuse for bad treatment (physical, verbal, emotional abuse) of a child by a parent but sometimes there are things that make it easier to understand.

Never say never is the best advice I can give.

[Gwaithmir]

I know I didn't love my father. He was a Bible thumping Lutheran who sincerely believed in the biblical mandate that kids were to be disciplined by beating the shit out of them and, ".....by the blueness of their wounds shall they be cleansed." He was an overbearing tyrant. I heaved a sigh of relief when he died and didn't shed even a single tear for him at his funeral.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

The Y-donor was abandoned by his mother after she had remarried. He came home from school to find the house empty and locked up and his clothes in a box on the porch. He chose to never get over that. I told people I was raised in a single parent household, without going into details.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My father was the best man I've ever known.  I loved him dearly and miss him every single day.

Boru

[tackattack]

Actually, Der/Die During every stage in life you do need role models and mentors. It is not ridiculous for an adult to search for a parent or parental figure. Having a mentor, guide, hero is all a social adaptation to give us a goal to strive toward. As long as you can remember that no one is perfect, you can find the good parts of all of the people in your life and use that as a guide/goal. People also sometimes use all the bad parts of all those same people to determine what they don't want to become. As long as you can remember that everyone has some value that'll work too. Why try to "be his kid" now? Don't. You are someone's kid, that's a genetic fact. That doesn't necessarily make them the hero parent of your story. You can't choose everything that happens to you in life or what makes you emotional. You can try and dismantle the negative emotional amplifiers in your apparent negative feedback loop. Choose who you want to be like and not be like, and make choices in your life that reflect that. </2 cents>

[onlinebiker]

You choose your friends. Family not so much.


But - relationships tend to change over time
 You are half of that relationship - so half of it' s up to you.

Good luck - we ALL need a bit.

[Shell B]

In personal relationships like this, it only matters what you want, really. If you don't want to try, don't. If you do, there is nothing wrong with that either, and you can definitely repair your relationship.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I never had a conversation with the Y-donor. Ever.